i am back. well, not really because i will probably disappear again some time. i'm back home with my sis and have been hiding away in my safe little corner for awhile. i dont know why i'm ba… Read More

i'm back. not back because i know what to write though. in fact, i'm still as clueless as when i left off the last time. i'm on a one week break from work and all i do is lie in bed and do n… Read More

Read More

The week didnt start off well unless you count the weekend as the first day, which anyhow, wasnt fantastic either. i got up on monday feeling crappy from a bad dream and just had two days of… Read More

saturday:other than having slept half the day away, i've walking around like a little drunk. i think i've probably had alittle too much of valium from the night before. And no, after having… Read More

too much tears have blinded my eyes and i can't post. perhaps that is not so true since i am actually posting right now. but its odd that tears can't stop flowing and i don't really know why… Read More

Tonight i am going to bed early. it is not because i'm tired or because i can't wait for tomorrow to come. in fact, i am so not looking forward to the next day. but anyhow, i'm going to bed… Read More

i just got back from a wedding celebration of an ex-colleague from bp. i was rather under-dressed. most of them were in pretty dresses but i went in a simple skirt and blouse. didn't really… Read More

i am suddenly hit by a feeling of sadness. sure, it doesn’t sound like something new, but this feels different from the usual apathy that i feel. it feels like my heart is heavy and it… Read More

i was hoping to find someone online. i don't really know why because i don't really have anything in particular that i want to say to anyone. but there isn't anyone anyway. so it doesn't mat… Read More

i took 2 diazepam almost 5 hours ago. why am i still so damn awake??? i just took another one. perhaps some booze might help. but i don't have any. maybe i have to take a fucking handful of… Read More

i had a weird dream last night. i couldn’t say how weird it was because i cannot recall the entire storyline. i do remember seeing a woman in the dream with one of her arm chopped off… Read More

i went to therapy this morning. didn't tell her that i don't need her anymore. instead i did the total opposite and started crying or wailing to be more accurate. i didn't think i could stil… Read More

My eyes hurt this morning although I’m not sure why. It has probably got to do with the fact that I slept at 3ish and got up at 6ish. I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning… Read More

I feel tired today. Very, very tired. It’s not about sleep. I’ve had enough sleep over the last few days. Well perhaps some intermittent ones particularly last night, but I am no… Read More

May i be damned, i have once again slept through smoochie's long overdue vaccination appointment. You know what it is like to be in a coma-like state, my body felt heavy and it just couldn't… Read More

I've decided to write again. I guess i should have known better than to be so quick to give an end to my blog. I should have known that i just couldn't possibly handle my pointless life with… Read More

I've been toying with the idea of ending this blog for awhile now. More or less. I didn't make it to a year but the truth is i never expected myself to. I've thought many times about alterna… Read More

Don't feel like going outside, washing myself, or cleaning the house. Not for weeks. My daily routine gets simpler and simpler. The space move in smaller and smaller. I only use a couple of… Read More

I wake this morning with a nauseating headache and a budding sense of frustration that i cannot make sense of. This is not an uncommon, but rather, a familiar episode that is happening to me… Read More

i received a heartbreaking news today. Keith, my 12-year old neighbour has brain tumour and the doctors are not able to operate on it. i spoke to his mother briefly, as she wept, i could fee… Read More

my toenail gradually turned purple, hung loose for afew days. it has just decided to leave the rest of my body. it refuses to have anything more to do with me. just like that. after so many… Read More

6 weird things/habbits about myself:1) my favourite order at any cafeteria is a latte with skim milk and a brownie with extra scoops of ice cream. its weird because the two orders contradict… Read More

I feel empty, void somewhere inside. And I sit here waiting, and waiting for something, someone, somewhere to fill my void. But I know deep down that nothing will come. I know that I don&rsq&hell…Read More