i had a weird dream last night. i couldn’t say how weird it was because i cannot recall the entire storyline. i do remember seeing a woman in the dream with one of her arm chopped off and whatever left of it still dangling off her shoulder. she looked like she was in a state of shock, sitting quietly on what looked like a train seat. not exactly a lovely sight. i’ve always wondered if i would ever meet these dream strangers in my real life or what i’d do if i actually meet them. probably nothing.

therapist contacted my pdoc, says i need an earlier appointment. so i’ll be meeting him early next week. i don’t even remember the date of my original appointment. they usually send a text message to my mobile to remind me. this entire text messaging concept must have been thought of by some anti-social fuck like me who’d rather send a short message then start a phone conversation. i don’t know what i should tell my pdoc when i see him. i’d just be repeating myself. i don’t want to say that i’m suicidal because i don’t want to be warded and i don’t want to try my luck on a new drug because i’m tired of starting on another roller coaster ride. he probably doesn’t need me to say anything. the therapist would have updated him and the earlier appointment speaks for itself, to some extent.

i fainted at work early this week and scare the hell out of my colleagues. i had low blood pressure and low blood sugar level. perhaps taking propranolol had something to do with it . i had a day off from that, which was nice. now everyone in the office thinks i’m some weakie, kept asking if i feel okay and telling me that i need to drink more water, eat more fruits and stuff. i don’t know how drinking water helps but i appreciate their concern. bed is what i need now more than anything else. i’m going to cancel on my therapist this weekend. i don’t know what made me think of that or why, but my therapist face suddenly flashed through my mind and i feel ugh.