i went to therapy this Morning. didn't tell her that i don't need her anymore. instead i did the total opposite and started crying or wailing to be more accurate. i didn't think i could still wail like this, the last time i did so was when my dad left. guess i just needed to get that out. have been feeling desperate lately and i needed someone to listen and i don't really care if its the therapist or if its some dodgy looking man on the street. so maybe i do need her afterall. i bet she must be shocked with the total change in attitude or the sudden willingness to display emotions. or perhaps she's laughing inside when i finally broke. fuck do i care. in the train on my way for my appointment, there was this really cute little girl in a pram who was screaming at the top of her voice. occasionally she would stop and look at me and then continue to scream even louder as if i had given her a slap. i look at her poor mother who couldn't do anything to stop her or if she could, she didn't. i mean, that little girl was really cute, she had such big round baby eyes and chubby cheeks, makes you want to pinch or poke them. but i couldn't say the same for her voice. i don't remember what brought me to think about her. its raining heavy out with thunder and all. its nice to get some sleep with the cool weather and after the outburst this morning, i do feel rather tired.