BURBANK, CA–Exhausted new parents, Chad and Veronica, gave their four day old son, Cory, two weeks’ notice after their first night home from the hospital.
Chad’s cousin found the note on top of the sleeping baby when he visited the family the day after they came home from the hospital. The note read, “We can’t. I’m sorry.”
When confronted about the note, the disheveled parents said they’re “resigning” from their position as parents because their level of exhaustion is “too real.”
Speaking of his exhaustion, Chad said, “I can barely function. I made a bottle of formula this morning and put it in my cereal instead of milk. That crap is rancid!”
Veronica said, “I’m too young and hot for this kind of stress. I need my beauty sleep. I don’t need to be looking old. “
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The expectation was that the baby would sleep for eight hours, wake, poop, eat, and then go back to sleep because, “that’s what babies did on TV.” However, little Cory only slept in two hour increments during the day and stayed up from 12 to 5 am.
The parents definitely had a rude awakening, that’s for sure.
The lesson: Don’t have kids if you want your beauty sleep.
Note: This is satire (ISSA joke).
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