2016-02-18 09:24
>one day get a strange feeling in lower chest >like when you drink soda too fast >that gas bubble kind of shit >ignore it >doesn't go away >each day it gets harder to take… Read More
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4chan's Best Greentexts Blog
greentexted.blogspot.com
A collection of funny, sad & weird greentexts found on 4chan
2016-02-17 09:25
>be college freshmen >audition for play >director offers me the lead immediately after auditions, no need for callback >like a boss >gf scores one of the 3 female roles >th… Read More
2016-02-16 16:30
I've got one. >be 16 >recently lost about 80 lbs to ask out the girl I like >she accepts, we date for about 6 months. >break up with her because I feel like I like her too much… Read More
2016-02-16 09:20
>just get weird about things that happen inside my body some times >get real bad pain in my lower right tummy >like real bad >feels like snakes are moving in there >fucking ag… Read More
2016-02-15 09:14
>be me >22 >friend's gf 6/10 actually pretty ugly but nice ass >she's pretty much a bitch, kissed one other mutual friend and always flirting with me or the other friend >be l… Read More
2016-02-13 17:00
>be 19 >working as bouncer at nightclub >go to pick up some garbage by the front door when some fatass Nigger shouts "YEAH MUHFUCKAH" and knocks trash can over >call him a fucki… Read More
2016-02-12 09:04
>Date girl >Girl is a huge slut >See her maybe once every three days >Always have sex when we meet >I'm sterile >She's hugely afraid of being pregnant >Always use protec… Read More
2016-02-11 09:18
>Be me>Become an adventure seeker >Also happen to be a Search & Rescue Medic >Didn't follow my own fucking rules of telling people where i'm going >Decide great Idea to al… Read More
2016-02-11 09:12
>in college >asian chick from canada in my chemistry class >named irene >never really talk to her >a year or so later, bump into her on campus >she starts talking to me lik… Read More
2016-02-10 16:30
>be me>be 41>I own a meme farm>I got a property that has a abandon jail In it>the jail is where I keep my weeaboo meme slaves in>they have to follow these rules 1. They can… Read More
2016-02-09 17:00
>last night, dramamine trip 900mg>Sitting in kitchen eating cherios at 3am>Forget where i am.>suddenly notice incoming call on spoon>answer>Is bill murray, Needs you to com… Read More
2016-02-09 16:30
>read the greentext about the guy who gets revenge on his wife by shoving marbles up her lubed ass while she sleeps >boner.why as author describes her shitting the marbles out of her a… Read More
2016-02-08 09:02
>be 21 >dating girl for 3/4 weeks >she has house party >get to party at like 11pm >chick is already pretty drunk >just enjoying the party etc. semi disregarding drunken mes… Read More
2016-02-06 08:43
>Be a few years ago i was like 17 >Friends at the time were telling me how awesome tripping on benadryl and dramamine was. >decide fuck it, it's friday night, i'm gonna take a whole… Read More
2016-02-05 08:40
>like inhaling gasoline >i am floating in space, totally black >i am back in my garden, dog is talking to me >" are you okay?" >WTF >"you fainted bro, i have to go" >dog… Read More
2016-02-04 14:12
>sitting in my lounge, listening to radio 4, wife brings over a pipe and ploughman's sandwich >"thank you dear" I say >finish my sandwich and listening to the dulcet tones of Ruth A… Read More
2016-02-04 14:08
>Be 17 >Met in school a qt girl >Shy, quiet, and awkward >She can't do visual contact and she always stutters >We had the same interests (vidya, /x/ stuff...) so we were frien… Read More
2016-02-03 17:00
>winter >depressions kicking in making me want to die >know if i just ride through like usual i'll be fine >recent friend wants to take me camping >never knew anyone that did… Read More
2016-02-03 09:44
>be me >have been seeing this girl for a while now >finally reach our third date pleasegetmelaid.jpg >I plan ever detail for the perfect dinner >book reservations at one of th… Read More
2016-02-02 09:43
>be me >be 17 >Go to a high school party in my town with friends >get drunk before >Dem grillz doe.jpeg >Keep partying on till me and my friend hook up with 2 girls >My… Read More
2016-02-02 07:03
>be me >be autistic >obsessed with The Sound of Music >have autist friends who also think The Sound of Music is the shit >one day go out into the normie world with autist frie… Read More
2016-02-01 09:38
Not that good at telling stories, but I'll give it a shot. >be me a year ago >17 >best friend and I have a bro down for a weekend >"anon invite that girl you like to come over" … Read More
2016-01-30 09:34
>be me >14 >first grillfriend >cheated on me 3 times >kept going back to her >anon realizes he is dumb >stops talking to her >she messages anon every once in awhil… Read More
2016-01-29 17:30
>be me >be hanging out with based grandpa >visit him whenever I can because I love him >grandpa asks "would you like to go take a walk with me in the park? I'm tired of sitting o… Read More
2016-01-29 17:00
>Be working the bar at the local pub >Always ends up being a good time on australia day >chatting to all sorts of interesting characters >suddenly, the bar goes si… Read More
2016-01-28 09:33
>Be me, 22, move in with cousin and his gf while I get myself set up in new city. >Cousin is quiet and chubby, gf is loud hambeast tumblrina complete with cat glasses and princess comp… Read More
2016-01-28 09:31
>us navy corpsman >barracks life >wake up to go to work one day >showered, put on uniform, the whole routine of getting ready >walk out to the parking structure >car isnt w… Read More
2016-01-27 17:00
This shit right here nigga.... >move in with friend and his mom +2 roommates >One day while at mall with roommates see old high school friend >She always wanted the D >Always t… Read More
2016-01-26 09:26
Once my katana is unsheathed, it can never be undone. >go to mall >mom buys me katana from chinese imports store >eating my tendies in the food court >gunfire breaks out from the… Read More
2016-01-25 18:42
>be me>be 17 years old>junior year in high school>just a couple months ago>been masturbating in the bathroom secretly for over a year now>go into bathroom>pull down pant… Read More
2016-01-25 09:24
>be me, 18 >well known in school, good reputation >loser guy follows me around for no reason >confront him one day >ask what he wants >"you're my idol" he says >pride.jp… Read More
2016-01-23 09:11
Okay /b/. Gather round for tale of epic proportions. The Party City chronicles. But before we get into the good stuff, we must first start from the beginning. >be HS me 17 years old JR i… Read More
2016-01-22 08:57
>out for coffee with gf, sitting on patio >gf doesn't really speak, almost completely mute >mainly communicate through signing, whistling, facial expressions, and physical contact … Read More
2016-01-21 08:45
>be me >19 >work at a shitty IT store, we fix smartphones and computers >customer comes in with his kid who is probably 12-13, this kid looks like he swallowed a fucking beach ba… Read More
2016-01-20 18:00
>be me, 16 years old >straight a's, great grades on mostly everything >dad never at home >mom never at home >dad only skypes me to tell me how much of a disgrace i am >tell… Read More
2016-01-20 17:00
>be me >be senior year>dad gives me old car so i can get to my job>piceofshitoldcar.zip>job is being old rich neighbors gardener>shit is exhausting but get payed mad cash… Read More
2016-01-19 17:30
>be me >parents own this b&b thing so basically ppl come stay in a guest room in our house for a few days and give my parents money >this week we get a guest >guest is weird… Read More
2016-01-19 17:00
bored, im gonna write you story about one of my autistic teenage times /b/ >be me, 7years ago, 12-13yo >not native english speaker, moved to London 2 years ago >somehow i used word… Read More
2016-01-18 17:30
>be 7th grade kid (so like 12 or 13, i think closer to beginning of semester so lets say 12) >group of 2 other friends I've known for like 6 and 8 years >always trying to find a way… Read More
2016-01-16 18:00
>Be me >9 >go to target with mom to get some stuff >mom lets me go wander off to the toy isle >get to pick one toy >FuckYes.jpg >start walking >TardZilla is behind… Read More
2016-01-16 17:00
>17 >11th grade >short nip kid, 5'3, looked about 13-14 >been going on /b/ and /pol/ for the last 5 years >history class >gotta write a 1600 word paper on if Hitler's actio… Read More
2016-01-15 16:56
Hey guys, this is my story about how I was held captive for 10 years. It is 11:00 PM on friday night in Australia and I’m sitting at home drunk... i got a call from my bitch ex today… Read More
2016-01-14 18:00
>Be me, lonely night in >Alcoholic attempting to cut down >Been doing well lately, decide to treat myself to a drink >Buy a bottle of vodka and a bottle of rum >35cl bottles… Read More
2016-01-13 18:30
Story time >be me >have obsession with efficiency >have to be as efficient as possible with everything >come home,want to make coffee , but also have to shit bad >go to shit … Read More
2016-01-13 18:00
>be me >privileged white kid going to private school >tired of being a little fag and doing fag shit like playing cards with my "friends" >start hanging out with the mexicans &g&hell…Read More
2016-01-13 13:43
>ok here's my story about how I became known as a dog rapist>be me >have doge (pic related) >doges are known for "screaming" if they don't like something >mine does it when ba… Read More
2016-01-13 13:41
>Junior in HS>Girl obviously wants the D>Long hair, pretty face, gigantic tits>Chubby/obese, has a reputation for being crazy>Had lost my v-card to a one night stand who wante… Read More
2016-01-12 14:53
>16 >11th grade >astronomy class >me and 3 friends all sit together in the back of class >always fucking around but the class was pretty easy >today we get to do a lab >… Read More
2016-01-11 13:29
>be me >be 16 (3 years ago) >hanging out with a friend >has a serverly autistic/mentally retarded 14 year old little brother >he's the type of autistic that cant speak for him… Read More
2016-01-09 13:26
>Be me, female >Ask fat guy friend zoned to bring codeime >He is desperate for me >I just want drugs >Do out of date codeine, nothing >He has heroine, to heroine >On cou… Read More
2016-01-08 20:14
alright /b, here's a doozie. > Be freshmen me > Didn't have many friends at all in middle school > school year starts, and nervous it;s gonna be a repeat of last year because I was… Read More
2016-01-07 18:00
>be mid 2000s in FL, absolute peak of pill mills >heavily into it since 4 doctors each giving 150 30s and 150 80s each, every month >opiates constipate you >don't poop for 2 week… Read More
2016-01-06 12:02
>be me>at school v bored>girl comes to me>7/10 would make her a delicious dinner meal>tells me there is a crazy teacher going mental>runs around corner>finds teacher wai… Read More
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