2016-05-10 12:33
>going to a lab room after school because I forgot some shit there >walk in to see a couple fucking, girl bent over the table, guy behind her >people like to talk big about how they… Read More
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4chan's Best Greentexts Blog
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A collection of funny, sad & weird greentexts found on 4chan
2016-05-09 12:53
>The showers i take are too long and the days are too short >I think too much >Normies dont think >they have no time to think >they're always doing something >from dawn til… Read More
2016-05-07 15:00
>be 17 >attentionwhore in some sneaky chattroom >rather ugly dude 24y gets super arroused from talking to me >offerst to pay me 500!! Bucks to fuck me >mfw i'm broke anyways … Read More
2016-05-07 14:30
What is the most pathetic job interview you guys have had? >Got an interview at a chocolate factory >Not sure exactly what the job entailed >Still really excited for it >Decide I… Read More
2016-05-06 14:00
Here's two of mine: >Go to work on my birthday >I'm friends with everyone on normie book but we're really just work friends >Nobody says anything >Not even a happy birthday from… Read More
2016-05-05 07:55
17th birthday >GF and I birthday was 18 days apart >We celebrate hers all romantic and all that >week and half later everything goes to shit, we break up. >gf calls me night befo… Read More
2016-05-04 14:00
>Be me >7th grade >Goes to ghetto school >Im white >Sub in math, shits goin great >We laugh and shit >Oh shit bell rings >Social studies time >We're in there for a… Read More
2016-05-03 15:00
>be me in middle school >have old ass bitch as language arts teacher >literally everybody hates her >she yells at me for some stupid bullshit >i probably said some witty smart… Read More
2016-05-03 07:42
Local burger joint, shift manager. Not McDicks though, thankfully. >10AM at drive-through >hello, what can I get you? >Double-burger meal with large fries >What would you like to… Read More
2016-05-02 07:49
So I am going to tell the story of why I cannot sleep at night. >In second year of Highschool >There is this kid, nerdy and semi autistic kid that just joined >He got picked on by m… Read More
2016-04-30 07:42
>6 years old >night time >at some farm for bonfire night >fireworks etc >dad holds my arms as i stand on his boots so that when he walks, i move at the same time >watch fir… Read More
2016-04-29 07:36
Security worker here, with a (sorta) similar story. >Working night security for a Psychiatric Rehab hospital >Not naming any names, but if you live in Mid Missouri, you can visit it an… Read More
2016-04-28 07:30
>>Be Me >>Studying like a boss at uni >>In class where we read Soledad O'Brien's book >>meh >>She coming to uni to speak >>Soboringholyfuck >>decide… Read More
2016-04-28 07:26
Story time >went to a school that had a tard integration system >have like 10 tards in different classes >have this one in several >let's call him Joe >Joe is pretty cool, one… Read More
2016-04-27 07:20
>be 1st grade >be recess >taking a dump in the bathroom >notice the stall door was open >decide to get up and close it >as i got up i took a sh*t and some of it landed on… Read More
2016-04-26 09:58
ITT your worst drug expierence> be 17> snort Meth> 1.5 grams because why not> have a party in my place everything is good> go out for a smoke> panic.webm> pace to a near… Read More
2016-04-25 10:08
iTT: Times that things went horribly wrong, but the next day your sins were pardoned by lady luck, herself.>be me 8>day before my birthday, celebrate anyway, cuz i had to move to anoth… Read More
2016-04-23 12:05
Dumping my gf tomorrow /b/. >Been with Gf for 3 year >Live together >I work on late shift 3pm to 11pm >It's friday and i've been working already 55 hours this week so i finish ea… Read More
2016-04-23 08:49
Fuck it I'll post another good one I have. >I'm doing the closing shift which is until 12:00AM >Most of our regular customers stop coming at around 8:00 and only homeless trash comes i… Read More
2016-04-22 12:01
>at bar, filling in for guy who's on vacation, nice easy mindless shift >head down doing dishes, get the blow everyone off, loving it >chance a look up >realize that there's only… Read More
2016-04-21 12:16
>be me working stressful camp job >somehow befriend grill coworker >hang out all the time >in love with her but I am loser anonfag >going to ask her out anyway because grills… Read More
2016-04-21 11:56
>2004 >Third year of Uni >Sharing room with Feminist >She's Fat, Ugly, and Loudmouthed >Does everything to piss me off >Makes my friends feel like crap and pushes her femin… Read More
2016-04-20 17:00
>2010 >first trip to Tokyo! >Flight plan goes from Vegas to LAX to get on flight to Tokyo >find seat at back of plane >take off from Vegas >plane takes off slowly >plane… Read More
2016-04-19 12:23
I worked at Walmart for a few years in a shitty town. The shit that I have seen. >working at Walmart >originally worked as a cart pusher, my job was literally to take the carts from th… Read More
2016-04-19 08:53
>grade 8 >used to get 2 liters of juice from the tuckshop for like $2 >every morning get 1 bottle of juice and down it down >decide one day fuck it im gonna get two bottles >o… Read More
2016-04-18 08:45
OMFG. I had the same shit happen to me kind of. > Used to work at amusement park > Worked for shitty photo company > They started this new thing where you pay for a membership and g… Read More
2016-04-16 08:58
Cashier at Safeway reporting in. >Thanksgiving day at 11:00 AM >Store is extremely fucking busy as you can imagine >My checkstand's line is at least 8 people long and we have every… Read More
2016-04-16 08:55
Alternative School faggot here. I have a pretty fucking bad one. >be me in tard school >newer guy, been around only three months >its the second friday of the month so there is a fi… Read More
2016-04-15 13:07
>Be me >going to pick up friend to have dinner >dressed up decently nice >get pulled over >cop approaches >"License and registration" >open glove department >Prescri… Read More
2016-04-14 15:30
>be me 16 >be stupid in math and ask around for help >neighbor is a sweet, mid 30s lady, never really see her out the house. >she tells me her son's really good at math and shoul… Read More
2016-04-14 13:19
>be me >2014 >24 years old >in a 5 year relationship >gf is a year younger than I am >qt 8/10 >best thing that's ever happened to me >pops the question in May >y… Read More
2016-04-13 13:19
>Be me>Date girl for 7 months>Totally in love>4 months down the road, realize she's kinda crazy>Get drunk with homies one night>Dared to message girl for her snapchat usern… Read More
2016-04-12 12:31
>be me >11th grade >In marching band >Good friends with band directors son, likes and trusts me >Good friends with drum major >Go and fill the water coolers for marching ba… Read More
2016-04-12 12:20
>be me >veterinarian >working in sketchy areas >obvious dope fiends come in >"uuh yeah i need 2 give my dog the medicine so i need some syringes" >play along "oh you nee… Read More
2016-04-11 12:18
>Working Video counter at Hastings >Hastings is video game/music/video/book store/hot topic if you don't know. >Helping a pair of customers trying to find a movie they don't know… Read More
2016-04-09 15:37
> Be me, 16 at the time > Filling shelves in super market > Dude, about 30, typical Geordie Shore, walks up to me > "Yo, you guys have any of [brand name] beer in the back?" >… Read More
2016-04-08 15:34
ALRIGHT NIGGAS STORY TIME THIS LITERALLY HAPPENED YESTERDAY > last class of the day > just me sitting there paying attention > mentor outta nowhere > anon you gotta go with me … Read More
2016-04-08 15:32
Another one >The bathroom for customers only has one toilet so there's a lock on the door. >Throughout the day methheads and drug addicts saunter on in there and lock themselves in to… Read More
2016-04-07 15:30
Glasses selling fag reporting for duty. >Work at local glasses/contacts retail place that sounds similar to pigeon twerks >Bitch comes in with her daughters and wants to buy contacts… Read More
2016-04-06 13:36
/b/ has ruined my life. >be me >two weeks ago >at the bar playing darts >pretty drunk >3/10 fat trap bitch walks up with fagtard friend >in deepest voice I've ever heard sh… Read More
2016-04-05 13:34
post your best sexual experience >be 19, first year of college >having first gf >went to baseball game with her >game is somewhere out of town, get there by bus set up by basebal… Read More
2016-04-05 13:31
>18 at University, Halloween night >2 months in, have barely ever smoked weed >retard roommates convince me to eat 2/3 of a weed chocolate bar (they had twice as much as I did but w… Read More
2016-04-04 13:20
>be me, 22 >studying arts in london >be in local bar with friend just enjoying our life >theres a jukebox >me being a big fan of elvis presley at that time >wanna listen t… Read More
2016-04-02 13:16
>Be 14 year old boy way too into One Piece >Have temperamental australian midget as a friend >Having a Straw Hat drawing contest at lunch >We both finish and we have others judge… Read More
2016-04-02 13:13
>be 17 >high school house pary >everyone drunk, me stoned >secure comfiest bed in house because plan ahead >hear friskiness from next room >feel alone feel sad >friskine… Read More
2016-04-01 13:10
>be me >on the streets drinking after the bars and clubs shut >3am >meet a nice 8/10 qt >turns out she's my friends ex who I had just fought >she keeps coming on to me … Read More
2016-03-31 13:08
>be son of a whore >naturally bullied all the time for this >highschool >things are a bit calmer >biology class, talking about STD's >"...thus, while it has not been proved… Read More
2016-03-31 12:58
Sperglord thread literally just happened >go to get soda >assure I bring ten dollars >grab five two-liters from back of cuck-mart >didn't get a cart >sweating profusely >fu… Read More
2016-03-30 12:55
>be 22 >dating this hot 40 yo MILF >on our second date we went to her house afterwards >she had an ugly 18 year old daugther (i mean...really ugly) >daughter watching TV in li… Read More
2016-03-29 15:00
>Be 13>Be on the internet>Be on pornhub>On the wierd Fetish side of pornhub>look over at recommended videos>See "Fire ants placed in dick">Contemplate whether i should c… Read More
2016-03-29 12:50
I had quite the interesting time in jail... obviously it seriously destroyed my life on the outside, but the year in county itself wouldn't have been bad if not for that: >outside dumping… Read More
2016-03-28 12:46
So /b/, I fucked up. Help me out. >Be me, 20, phimosisfag, not too bad, but bad enough.>If you don't know what it is here is a Wikipedia article about phimosis >Meet cute girl, we s… Read More
2016-03-26 16:00
>be me at Halloween costume party last month >see two drunk dudes carry 8/10 idiot hot blonde wasted girl upstairs >go up with them and ask wtf they are doing >they lay her in th… Read More
2016-03-25 14:31
Hello there /b/. I just wanted to share the string of random events that defined my first time >be me 17 >got two best friends, lets call them Chadbro and Betabro >invited to a new… Read More
2016-03-25 08:16
>fuck gf at least four times a day because second month of relationship >dick starts to hurt >whatever, continue >starts to get really painful >look at dick, see rash >wai… Read More
2016-03-24 13:57
>Be me, 17, senior in small high school in CAL >7/10 at best, total betafag >Really starting to hate myself >Mom dead >Dad calls me a faggot for no reason >23 year brother… Read More
2016-03-23 13:55
>be 12 >last year of elemetary school on my country's educating system >new kid comes to class >become really good friends >come to know he moves to another country next year… Read More
2016-03-23 13:53
Mine's not as shitty, but still not one of my finer moments: >be 17 y/o me >sitting in english class >canuck elections coming up, so my libretard socialist philosopher english teach… Read More
2016-03-22 13:48
Holy shit did I fuck up, B. >Be me, 18 y/o, out of high school working part time at a grocery store >dating a 9/10 girl, Half Jap, and I love her with all my heart >she has a close… Read More
2016-03-21 13:51
Embarrassing story's thread? I'll start greentext of course. This happened a long time ago so bare with me on the details. >be 11 have a stroke and have to have brain surgery > in rec… Read More
2016-03-21 13:47
>be 13 >taking a piss >finish up and zip up quick >sharp pain >look down at the horror before me >foreskin is caught in between zipper >trying not to panic >slowly pu… Read More
2016-03-19 14:30
Alright /b/,I got a story for ya.>Be me,18 >Watch porn like every other guy without grill to date >Watch a porn of a woman shitting on the toilet >Very clear she was a mum >Ki… Read More
2016-03-19 13:44
> be me > 12 > love to play army with fam >13th birthday >ask if we can go camping > "yeah why not" > pull up to place were staying at > soothe middle of NSW >… Read More
2016-03-18 13:42
>Be me >Be 23 >Be in love with my boyfriend >Boyfriend and I break up because he's cheating and wants new girl to move in with him >I'm heartbroken and super bitter with nowhe… Read More
2016-03-17 13:34
> be me, 5 or 6 years old > mom meets creepy ass new dude, instant cringe just being around him > Dude has neck problems, needs surgery > Mom is a welfare queen, fake identities… Read More
2016-03-17 13:29
Here is my story of how I made myself go to hospital with bleeding penis in 2 pm. >be 16 >parents divorced long time ago >mother is travelling all the time due to her work and hits… Read More
2016-03-16 13:22
Let me tell you why I hate my fucking life /b/. It's a long one. > be me, engaged to girl hereafter known as wife > wife isn't entirely conventionally attractive, maybe a 5 or 6, but I… Read More
2016-03-15 13:18
>be 16 > not the most attractive guy, but I don't have a problem meeting girls > get a text from my friend detailing that she knows a girl that wants to meet me > receive her num… Read More
2016-03-15 13:14
>Work at Liquor store >Few months ago was feeling shitty over a break up >sit in beer cooler few a few minutes to take a break >decide to have a beer >2 6 packs later I'm fee… Read More
2016-03-14 08:49
>go to bathroom>start pissing>hurts for some reason>strand of coagulated blood comes out, followed by more blood>pissing blood>wtfiswrongwithme>go to doctor>pee in cu… Read More
2016-03-12 08:59
>get invited to wedding >day before wedding >friend who is getting married picks me up at airport >tells me she's really glad to see me >big hug >she takes me to hotel whe… Read More
2016-03-11 18:00
I live in Portland, ME, and since about 2010, I've noticed an influx of hipsters and feminazis from Portland, OR living short stints here, either as an attempt at irony or just generally try… Read More
2016-03-11 16:00
In this thread we post cringe stories, I have a few: > Knew this chick back in year 2, be kinda friends with her. > Year after I left the school to another. > Fast forewards to year… Read More
2016-03-10 13:18
Happened last month-ish >still in school cuz don't want to be part of planet of the apes >in lecture >reviewing for tests or shit >realize I'm in wrong lecture >whyme.xenu &g&hell…Read More
2016-03-09 12:47
Story time? This is a really, really long one.posted this yesterday but some anon couldn't finish reading since he had workhope you're around friend>be me>live in a very catholic orpha… Read More
2016-03-08 09:52
>be 6>get tons of ear infections>infections always in left ear>happen on the weekends, almost like clockwork>none of the overthecounter or prescription meds are working>nev… Read More
2016-03-08 09:47
>go to bar with friends >know the owner, so we get let in at 19. >Drinking/smoking hookah >Friends of my friends come in. >blonde comes in, decent looking, huge tits >Sits… Read More
2016-03-07 13:13
So... I thinked I fucked up /b/ >Be me yesterday >Wanting to fap to something new >Find girl dressed up as a chicken squeezing an egg out of her ass >If it works it works >Mak… Read More
2016-03-05 13:11
You want to hear a sad story /b/? >be me >bout 9 years ago >great job, good pay >meet girl online >everything in common >become best friends >meet irl, become lovers >&hell…Read More
2016-03-04 13:09
>be normal guy >never had a mom and and grew up with dad >we did typical guy stuff like fishing and hunting >eventually graduate high school >start being honest with my femin… Read More
2016-03-03 13:06
>me be, 5th grade, giant loser >hanging around with loser friends n shit >suddently giant urge to take a shit >ask teacher if i can leave, says yes >go to bathroom, no toilet… Read More
2016-03-03 13:04
>Be me >work for scrapyard at time >always take runners home >get fast Thunderbird one day >racing home need to shit out taco bell bad >maybe 100 miles hour >be raining… Read More
2016-03-02 13:01
>Be me >Work in library >Not a big university library, but still pretty big >Minding my own business >Doing my job >Putting books on shelves >Hear a funny noise >P… Read More
2016-03-01 18:00
>be me an hour ago >18, in final year of high school, still live with parents >come back from a run >head into shower, turn on water to warm it up for when I get in >sit on to… Read More
2016-03-01 12:59
I'm now officially done drinking alcohol let me tell you a story which is based on a true event from this weekend. >I came home from work on a friday and as I always do I had brought two… Read More
2016-02-29 15:07
>Be me >12 >Visiting Bulgaria >In a small town near the Black Sea >My family spot a mall with a bowling inside >They love bowling >I hate bowling, but I love arcade game… Read More
2016-02-27 15:05
>be me >Chatting with my cousins at base camp on our side of Rio grande>Leader gives out signal to get ready to cross>I undo my tent and get a hold of all of my tacos>ask the… Read More
2016-02-27 15:02
>When I was 14 I started fucking a neighborhood girl who had Downs, she had awesome tits and a perfect ass, she never said no, did anything, it was great, all she wanted was a glass of Me… Read More
2016-02-26 18:18
>be in Prague for bachelor party >go to same strip club >have lingering eye contact with stripper >cute but has a bandage covering her knee >finishes, sits next to me at the… Read More
2016-02-25 12:03
>First job in grocery store >Been there a few weeks >My job is just to front things >Go along >Pulling shit to the front of the shelf >Just trying to do this shit >Sudde… Read More
2016-02-25 11:32
>5 years ago >20 years old, cousin is 19 >go camping every year with family in the mountains >I tell my parents I'm gonna drive out the next day, since I still have shit to do in… Read More
2016-02-25 10:33
>Be me in early 20's >Making LSD and selling it to pay for chemical engineering university >go to next city over to see fuck friend >she works nights in coffee shop next to stri… Read More
2016-02-24 16:00
>be me, 19 >party and drink a lot >brother is a cop >cops bust a party I'm at with weed and alcohol >underage bitches scatter >plant my ass in my car and wait >cop I kno… Read More
2016-02-23 16:30
>be me >year of our Lord 2014 >eurofag >flying from Oz to LAX >visited Turkey and Iran in 2012 >visible warning bells on the dude checking my passport >"Sir would you fo… Read More
2016-02-23 16:00
>be me >on a band trip >seriously >staying overnight at this hotel >I'm in room with two other guys, Eric and Jeff >Jeff has stolen this shitty, sweet, liquor from his pare… Read More
2016-02-22 16:00
>Be 22, nontraditional loser college student >Visit friend from high school >Friend is punk rocker, complete with leathers and funny hair >I am squarejohn looking but avid smoker… Read More
2016-02-20 16:30
>be 14>one day want to have foreskin removed>ask mom to set up appointment for surgery>ff to day of surgery>in the waiting room awaiting doctor to arrive>wait for over 1-2… Read More
2016-02-20 16:00
I think it is time to reveal my deep and dark addiciton. Hopefully I can give you faggots some joy from my embarrasment. >be me 13 years old >obnoxious curious kid >been playing foo… Read More
2016-02-19 13:26
>21 >produce worker at save on foods >Middle of summer >Normie old faggot comes in >asks about the "spuds" >'they're fresh.' >"are you sure they are, son? >yeah prett… Read More
2016-02-18 16:30
>be 17 white male >goes camping in mountains with friends >exhaust pipe on buddies station wagon breaks off brackets and is now dragging on the ground >night 2 of camping trip fr… Read More
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