2015 wasn’t the easiest of years for me. Shortly after I returned from Africa, I lost my job. Around the same time, someone I thought was a friend stirred up a lot of unnecessary drama. A week after the job loss, she told me she hated me and she never wants to speak to me ever again. Around the same time, The Foreign Flirt started being really nasty to me via messages. Two weeks after the argument with my friend, he told me he wouldn’t be interested in me even if he was single. Two weeks after that, I moved out of my dream flat back to miserable Reading.
Life goes on. I found another job. I stopped caring about the friends after a couple of months. But the crushing sense of inadequacy from romantic rejection still remains. I thought he liked me. But it turns out I was in the fuckzone. He’d sleep with me. But a relationship? Nah, I’m not worth that. And the thing is, he’s not a player. He might be an opportunist, but he’s up for a relationship. His girlfriend’s ditched him now, and he’s open to the idea of finding someone else. He’s told me he’s ready for kids now. He wants the same things as me. But just not with me. For whatever reason, the combination of my looks and personality aren’t enough for him. But sooner or later, someone else will come along. Someone who has… just something extra that I don’t have that makes him go the extra mile. But that girl wasn’t me.
I’m trying to step up my game. There aren’t many attractive guys in London. But when the next one comes along I want to be good enough. No longer basking in the glow of thinking someone I find attractive likes me for exactly who I am, I know I need to improve myself. I’m trying to dress better. Look better. Be more outgoing. Now earning again, my first thought was to finally book myself in for the nose job I’ve been wanting for 10 years. But after the year I’ve had, to be honest I just needed a holiday.
So I thought “fuck it”, and blew half my savings on a trip to Thailand.
I’m spending the first week volunteering in an elephant sanctuary. Then spending the second week in Chiang Mai, exploring the city and doing adventurous activities. I’m going alone. No friends going with me. I don’t know anyone out there. Never been to Asia before. Just me, exploring a new part of the world and meeting people as I go. Time to put all the bad stuff aside and live life how it should be lived.
People ask me if I’m nervous. If I’m scared. If I wish someone was going with me. But I don’t. All I feel is excitement for the next adventure.
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This post first appeared on Lara Loveless | UK Dating Blog | The Life And Love, please read the originial post: here