Hey everyone, regular readers and new...or ones who have randomly clicked on my link. I just wanna explain a few personal things going on...if you don't read on I won't get offended!
I should be doing my Episode Review today on Vanderpump rules that I do every week.
I've always been completely weirdly honest with all of you. I have met some great people while doing these blogs, and for all my readers you are what keeps me going
So as some of you know I suffer with Bipolar and a personality disorder. In the space of a year and a half the mood stabiliser medication they put me on has taken me from 9 stone to 21 stone in the space of a year and a half.
I'm feeling very physically ill lately, but my Mental Health is suffering too.
A lot of life changing, tragic things happened at the end of last year. One being my boyfriends son was in a horrific motorcycle accident and broke every bone in his body. He is lucky to be alive, and is still in hospital now and has basically had to start learning the most basic of things all over again, but he's fighting.. I don't wanna go into that one too much due to this being more my partners, and his families business...
Also weeks later, the closest lady in my whole life died. She was the lady who brought me up, and through my troubled life was the only person who never walked away. She had been there through thick and thin and was the only lady I could turn to, and who loved me unconditionally. This has killed me and I suffer so much every day now she's not here. She sadly passed a couple of weeks before xmas. She was my nan, mum, dad and best friend all in one! It's her birthday this week (the first one since she passed)
My son, who has autism, is also getting bullied everyday in school. It's a very heartbreaking thing to go through, and I am working with school to get this sorted out. He is amazing. He is so intelligent and ambitious..he wants to be a games designer. He is 12 years old and has made a very realistic life plan, chosen his courses he has to take his university what subjects to take in school to become this. But when he says he is getting suicidal thoughts...it scares the s**t outta me I won't lie.
This brings us to today. I am feeling like a bag of crap! I went to my partners daughters and boyfriends for some spaghetti bolognaise. Which I need to add was delicious! The bad thing is I took my meds just before this meal, and just after *puke warning* I Puked every bit and then some up...into a bag..in front of them in their living room! Well I could've died from the embarrasment, then came the guilt after they were panicking that their cooking did this! I explained it wasn't and I wasn't feeling too good before this!
But because I puked, I puked my meds before they took effect, so it's made my ohysical and mental health feel like crap today!
If you have read this to the end...well first of all thank you, cos I would've clicked off a while ago! You have a good heart (not that you wouldn't if you clicked off!)
You're probably wondering..why the hell is she telling us all this? is she after sympathy and attention?
I'd ask the same! But no, I think I part needed to get it off my chest, and part want people to know, that we should all talk when we feel so bad and not keep everything inside.
So if me being overly open, will help someone else open up I'll be happy! I hold a lot in nearly all the time (which I know is hard to believe reading this) but I do and I often don't know who to turn to, but you can turn to me!
Anyway all will be back to normal tomorrow and hopefully the meds will stay in my body this time and I don't have another bad day!