2016-12-31 15:41
Dear Kid,
I am not ready for 2017.
Don’t get me wrong. Like many people, I am MORE than ready to say goodbye, adios, ta-ta, and begone to 2016. But I am not prepared for 2017.
I had pl… Read More
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2016-12-28 11:33
Dear Kid,
I’ve decided dieting is all wrong.
For years, the dieting industry has focused on counting what we put in our mouths. This is – by my scientific calculations – co… Read More
2016-12-26 16:48
Dear Kid,
Happy Boxing Day!
Not as in Rocky or Creed (which I enjoyed much more than I thought I would—thank you for “insisting” that we watch the movie together). Rather a… Read More
2016-12-25 15:44
Dear Kid,
It’s a good day to think about other people, and to remember that whatever we’re celebrating, it’s about tolerance and acceptance and thank you notes.
To all thos… Read More
2016-12-24 14:03
Dear Kid,
It’s National Egg Nog Day and National Chocolate Day. And Both of My Kids Will Be Home Today Day.
Does not get much sweeter than this.
Egg Nog: A drink traditionally made wit… Read More
2016-12-23 11:33
Dear Kid,
I’m a reasonably positive person. Actually, I’m an incredibly positive person.
My superpower is an insane ability to quickly forget the bad stuff that goes on around me… Read More
2016-12-22 16:02
Dear Kid,
Not everyone has a smashingly successful first semester at college. (For the record, I’m not talking about your sister—she had a great fall semester.)
Sometimes the fir… Read More
2016-12-21 13:06
Dear Kid,
Yesterday was our company Holiday Outing. (“Holiday Outing.” Noun. Defn: Three hours of enforced fun.)
Actually I did have fun (it goes against type, I know, but someti… Read More
2016-12-20 11:42
Dear Kid,
Since you’re in the south for a few days, I thought I would be helpful (I’m just that kind of Mom) and explain some of the cuisine you are likely to find south of the M… Read More
2016-12-19 13:56
Dear Kid,
“I’m tired,” I said when I got home last night. “I think I’m going to go to sleep early tonight.”
“Sounds like an excellent idea,” D… Read More
2016-12-17 13:46
Dear Kid,
We’re off to see the wizard!
Well, we’re off to Cleveland, and the road is likely to be more white than yellow, but the song is in my heart anyway.
Dear Burglars: The E… Read More
2016-12-16 14:40
Dear Kid,
Cauliflower is kind of a weird vegetable. Don’t get me wrong, I love cauliflower, but it’s kind of weird.
It looks like brains. And brains are cool. Perhaps not as a ve… Read More
2016-12-15 13:18
Dear Kid,
Puppy: Where is she?
Me: What?
Puppy: MyGirlMyGirlMyGirl
Me: She’s sleeping.
Puppy: But she was just here.Me: She’s home. But right now she’s upstairs sleeping. Y… Read More
2016-12-14 11:41
Dear Kid,
Who knew?
Today is International Monkey Day! So grab a banana and let’s celebrate!
Despite their adorableness, monkeys drew the short stick in the language department.
&ldquo&hell…Read More
2016-12-13 11:36
Dear Kid,
It is the time of lists.
The Best Gifts for Dad.
Forty Gifts Under $40.
Twenty Seven Ideas for Decorating for the Holidays.
And so on.
Most of the ideas and gifts involve lots of m… Read More
2016-12-12 11:32
Dear Kid,
You need to be aware of Serious Coffee Risks I was recently made aware of.
As you know, the Rules Are Different during Final Exam Week, and coffee is no exception.
Recently, a Wond… Read More
2016-12-10 14:16
Dear Kid,
I have had it with this (faux)idea of fake-news.
It’s not an oxymoron (although it is moronic); it’s just plain ridiculous (and not in the rolling around laughing so ha… Read More
2016-12-09 14:48
Dear Kid,
While you are busy studying for exams, life here is continuing on.
Big news: it snowed last night. Which is to say three flakes fell and two of them stuck around until this morning… Read More
2016-12-08 13:01
Dear Kid,
It’s that time of year (and by “that time of year” I mean final exams) when alarm clocks take on a whole new meaning.
And of course by “alarm clock” I… Read More
2016-12-07 12:45
Dear Kid,
For a new parent, there isn’t much worse than finding yourself dressed and ready to go to work in the morning, make-up more or less in the appropriate place, clothing coverin… Read More
2016-12-06 11:48
Dear Kid,
On December 6, 1865, the 13th Amendment to the United States Constitution was ratified.
The 13th Amendment (as you no doubt remember) abolished slavery.
Neither slavery nor involu… Read More
2016-12-05 11:50
Dear Kid,
It’s officially the holiday season.
I know this because:
Last night we finished the Thanksgiving leftovers. Even the ones we had in the freezer.
The airwaves have been taken… Read More
2016-12-04 15:34
Dear Kid,
We were watching the football game.
“You have to CATCH the ball!!” yells Dad to a player who had failed to get anywhere close to the ball in question.
“Tackle him… Read More
2016-12-03 14:26
Dear Kid,
I can’t believe it actually works.
Well, it didn’t here, but it must somewhere or you’d think they wouldn’t keep doing it.
The scam thing, I mean.
The phone… Read More
2016-12-02 11:43
Dear Kid,
A hawk in the neighborhood ate one of the chickens.
I can’t believe I just wrote that sentence. People who know me can’t believe I just wrote that sentence.
Even the ha… Read More
2016-12-01 11:53
Dear Kid,
Arrg!
Yesterday was a day of frustration. A day when the stars all aligned completely and then called the union representative to say they were going on strike. A day when no matte… Read More
2016-11-30 11:41
Dear Kid,
Weren’t we just here?
It seems like just a few months ago we talking about cars. (By “we” I mean me and by “cars” I mean talking about getting a new v… Read More
2016-11-29 11:43
Dear Kid,
I’m tired of bullies.
I’m not talking about the steal your lunch and push you in a locker bullies.
I’m not talking about people who yell at an individual for what… Read More
2016-11-28 11:45
Dear Kid,
Puppy: What is THAT wonderful thing?
Me: The garbage?
Puppy: It smells fantastic!
Me: Sniffing is allow. Touching is not.
Puppy: My nose is sooo happy.
Me: I’m very glad your… Read More
2016-11-26 18:17
Dear Kid,
Happy Small Business Saturday!
Of all the faux holidays (many of which I love) this may be my favorite—at least when I put my grown-up hat on (which admittedly isn’t al… Read More
2016-11-25 15:34
Dear Kid,
Nine Things That Suck In My Life Right Now:
Geography. As in living farther away to friends and family than I’d like.
Beam Me Up Scotty. As in we can’t be teleported to… Read More
2016-11-24 14:26
Dear Kid,
Hope everyone gets to spend some time to rest, relax, and enjoy the holiday. (And help with the clean up.)
I love it when a holiday comes together. Happy Thanksgiving!
Love, Mom
Pl… Read More
2016-11-23 11:44
Dear Kid,
It’s almost turkey time!
Which means it’s time to think about food. And that means lots of questions.
Turkey? Absolutely. That one’s easy.
Potatoes? Of course. Bu… Read More
2016-11-22 11:42
Dear Kid,
I have gotten some of the Best News Ever.
No, I didn’t win the Lottery. That would be amazing considering I didn’t buy a ticket.
I got a letter. From Grandpa. And in th… Read More
2016-11-21 11:34
Dear Kid,
Puppy: You’re cooking!
Me: Yes, I am.
Puppy: So that people can eat.
Me: Yep.
Puppy: I should probably taste things.
Me: Excuse me?
Puppy: To be sure things taste good. I&rsq&hell…Read More
2016-11-20 14:32
Dear Kid,
I have very sad news to report: Ethan the Betta Fish has moved on to the great ocean in the sky.
Which is to say, he’s been flushed.
We believe it was a case of over-enthusia… Read More
2016-11-19 15:05
Dear Kid,
It’s that time again. And by “that time” I of course mean pumpkin muffin baking time.
Not just the batch I sent to you. This morning I already made another entire… Read More
2016-11-18 11:34
Dear Kid,
“Be sure to say ‘thank you.’”
Parents say this all the time. We remind our kids to say thank you, and they robotically spit out the words.
“Thank you… Read More
2016-11-17 11:30
Dear Kid,
We are heading toward Thanksgiving. I’m guessing you’re already aware of that. I’m guessing every college student everywhere in the US knows that because you get… Read More
2016-11-16 12:39
Dear Kid,
I’m feeling very mother bear-ish this morning.
Not the “my porridge is too cold” (sounds disgusting to me) kind of mama bear.
More the “mess with my kid and… Read More
2016-11-15 11:48
Dear Kid,
Ethan has moved into our offices. He lives there full time which might seem weird, but Ethan is a Betta Fish.
Note: Betta, not beta. Eh, not ay.
Bettas are often called Siamese fig… Read More
2016-11-14 11:43
Dear Kid,
While the Puppy was washing my face, I had an incredible idea.
You know how we have all sorts of service animals? (Seriously—there are service dogs, service parrots, service… Read More
2016-11-13 13:43
Dear Kid,
It’s that time again.
Not election season (which thankfully is now behind us).
It is car-shopping season (which is my second third least favorite season. Least fave: Bathing… Read More
2016-11-12 13:39
Dear Kid,
Fate looked over the rim of her mug of herbal tea. “I’m in a particularly good mood,” she said.
“I’m not,” said Payback.
Kismet shrugged and wen… Read More
2016-11-11 11:48
Dear Kid,
According to My Friend the Internet, there are 21.8 million veterans in the United States. (Actually, that was as of November 2014—MftI is a little behind on statistics.)
The… Read More
2016-11-10 11:38
Dear Kid,
This morning, I stepped on the scale and was horrified—until I realized that the t-shirt I was wearing obviously weighed 5 pounds (obviously) so I’d actually lost weigh… Read More
2016-11-09 11:44
Dear Kid,
Have you ever had something inanimate call to you?
Of course you have.
Sometimes it’s food. “I’m delicious!” sings the donut, “Try me!”
Sometime… Read More
2016-11-08 11:46
Dear Kid,
Well, we’ve reached That Time Of Year.
Not post-Halloween candy consumption time.
Not Election Day.
Not even pre-Thanksgiving.
Those are all here, but not what I’m talk… Read More
2016-11-07 11:27
Dear Kid,
You know how important it is to vote. But you also know that lots of people won’t exercise their right to vote in this election. Being the kind of mom I am, I have done exten… Read More
2016-11-06 15:08
Dear Kid,
I love the fall-back clock change.
Many people like waking up to find they woke up an hour earlier than they thought they did. Or that they snuck in an extra hour of sleep. (It&rsq&hell…Read More
2016-11-05 15:50
Dear Kid,
Americans are not good about voting. Not that it’s a difficult task (because it’s quite easy) but because we’re lazy. Which means we excel at creating reasons not… Read More
2016-11-04 10:43
Dear Kid,
In case you haven’t heard, there is an election coming up. Surprise!
For many college students, this is the first presidential election you’ve been able to vote in. And… Read More
2016-11-03 10:32
Dear Kid,
You might have heard the rumor that it’s Movember. You know that because A) I wrote about it yesterday and B) you’ve been on the planet for a while. Probably more the s… Read More
2016-11-02 11:53
Dear Kid,
First, a new word: portmanteau.
Which is neither an article of clothing nor an adult beverage. A portmanteau is a combination of two words (the sounds and the meanings). Like &ldqu&hell…Read More
2016-11-01 10:39
Dear Kid,
Yesterday I wrote about excuses. I gave a list of excuses for not bringing food to the office Halloween party. (Go ahead, you can read it. I’ll wait.)
They were pretty sorry… Read More
2016-10-31 10:36
Dear Kid,
Happy Halloween!
You (being a college student) probably celebrated this past weekend.
The rest of us are celebrating today. (Boo!)
We are having a Halloween party at work today.
Th… Read More
2016-10-30 15:39
Dear Kid,
Fitbit: Get up.
Me: Shhh.
Fitbit: Get up.
Me: It’s Sunday.
Fitbit: That it is. Get up.
Me: You’re supposed to let me sleep on Sundays.
Fitbit: I did. Now it’s tim… Read More
2016-10-29 14:40
Dear Kid,
Once upon a time (by which I mean about 3 years ago), I suggested you take care of yourself so you’ll still be active and healthy to do whatever you want to do when you… Read More
2016-10-28 10:18
Dear Kid,
Last night was date night.
First Daddy and I went to the Contemporary Arts Center downtown. I generally modern art. Dad generally doesn’t. But this time we were in complete a… Read More
2016-10-27 10:35
Dear Kid,
IF you happened to be hanging around New York City in 1904, and IF you happened to wish to go from Here to There, and IF “here” was City Hall and “there” wa… Read More
2016-10-26 10:15
Dear Kid,
There’s a fly in the house.
And it seems to have adopted me.
No matter which room I’m in, there it is, following me around like a happy little puppy, buzzing and smacki… Read More
2016-10-25 10:42
Dear Kid,
Once again, the proper authorities have failed to consult me.
You know how rabbits are generally considered to be the best symbol of fertility and reproductive efficiency?
Wrong, w… Read More
2016-10-24 10:14
Dear Kid,
Did you know there’s a committee that reviews new emojis? I had no idea they required approval, but it turns out they do.
So Committee for Reviewing Appropriate Pics (yes, I… Read More
2016-10-23 15:19
Dear Kid,
It’s National Mole Day.
Who is Avogadro?
Not the kind of mole that has Dad doing the Squish-Down-The-Mole-Hole dance in the backyard (although, when you think about it, that… Read More
2016-10-22 15:42
Dear Kid,
Five ways to tell your Sweetie loves you.
5. When you seriously oversleep on a weekday, he calmly agrees to walk the Puppy even though it’s your job.
4. He’s learned to… Read More
2016-10-21 10:35
Dear Kid,
Puppy: You’re weird.
Me: Um, thank you? Why do you say that?
Puppy: You always pee in the same place.
Me: The bathroom, yes.
Puppy: And you don’t sniff before you pee… Read More
2016-10-20 10:28
Dear Kid,
Once again, the “grow your own lettuce indoors” thing is parading around the internet.
This time, I decided to participate.
I’m not sure what makes me think (time… Read More
2016-10-19 10:43
Dear Kid,
(You thought you saw this yesterday? Nonesense. That was a figment of your imagination. A premonition. It couldn’t possibly be that I published it on the wrong day.)
We were… Read More
2016-10-18 10:46
Dear Kid,
Do you remember I bought bee pollen a week or so ago at the farmer’s market? You might not because A) you were studying so diligently or B) that day’s post didn’t… Read More
2016-10-17 10:29
Dear Kid,
IF you had been alive and aware on Oct 17, 1814, and IF you happened to have found yourself in England, and IF by chance you were wandering around London (more specifically the par… Read More
2016-10-16 13:45
Dear Kid,
Today is brought to you by the letter “Fall.” (Extra points if you get the reference.)
I’m pretty sure fall has well and truly arrived. The air is cooler (if not… Read More
2016-10-15 17:45
Dear Kid,
Report of the Day:
Dad woke me up at 9:21am.
Ordinarily, this would have been a big ol’ breach of the Don’t Wake Me Up rule, but I had (sort of) agreed that it would be… Read More
2016-10-14 11:47
Dear Kid,
Mom went upstairs for a bit and I’ve taken over the computer.
We have A Problem and I think you need to get involved.
Are you paying attention? Because this is a Big Issue. I… Read More
2016-10-13 10:21
Dear Kid,
You remember (of course) the craziness of our trip home a week or so ago, right? (If not, here is Part I and Part II.)
But I haven’t yet told you about the adding-insult-to-i… Read More
2016-10-11 10:42
Dear Kid,
Don’t read this letter to the Puppy!
At the Paws in the Park event this past weekend, there were—spoiler alert—a lot of dogs. There were dogs of pretty much every… Read More
2016-10-10 10:29
Dear Kid,
Some things are easy to remember about October. The leaves start to turn; ghosts, goblins, and ridiculous amounts of chocolate show up at the end of the month; and it’s Adopt… Read More
2016-10-09 14:19
Dear Kid,
Once upon a time (and by “once upon a time” I mean a week or two ago), we bought Knotweed Honey when we were in Utica, NY.
We knew knot about knotweed, but it sounded i… Read More
2016-10-08 12:35
Dear Kid,
Sometimes the way things are named or marketed leads to instant disappointment. “World’s Best” fill-in-the-blank often isn’t even on the World’s Top T… Read More
2016-10-07 10:36
Dear Kid,
So there we were. Just east of Buffalo, NY, with a broken ABS and instructions not to shift into park under any circumstances.
On we drove (sans cruise control) until it was time t… Read More
2016-10-06 10:40
Dear Kid,
The second meanest thing you can say to someone is “May you have adventurous travels.” The meanest thing you can say to someone is “May you have unplanned adventu… Read More
2016-10-05 11:47
Dear Kid,
Ten reasons to be glad it’s today:
It’s a great day to learn something new (every day is a great day to learn something new).
If yesterday was a not-so-good day, it&rsq&hell…Read More
2016-10-04 10:30
Dear Kid,
Puppy: Grandpa! It was horrible!
Grandpa: Oh, dear. Would you like to tell me about it?
Puppy: Of course. That’s why I’m sitting in your lap.
Grandpa: What happened?
Pu… Read More
2016-10-03 11:08
Dear Kid,
Starting over can be a royal pain in the patoot. But it can also be a really good thing. It depends.
There’s no question that when you’ve been working on a paper for th… Read More
2016-10-02 13:44
Dear Kid,
I woke up to 60 text messages this morning.
Yep. 6-0. As in one more than 59. (See how I do that math thing even this early in the morning?)
My first thought was (predictably) &ldq&hell…Read More
2016-10-01 12:39
Dear Kid,
Happy October!
It’s the first day of the 10th month, and it is a Day just made for college students.
First of all, it’s a Saturday which means sleeping in, tailgating… Read More
2016-09-30 10:49
Dear Kid,
Things I learned in my dreams last night:
It is not a good idea to put a leash on a goose to go for a walk.
Dream iguanas like pizza.
It is possible to walk on the ceiling, but the… Read More
2016-09-29 10:43
Dear Kid,
Are you aware of the importance of today? You’re not? Today. Is. Epic.
Well, at least it has the potential to be epic.
EPIC—noting or pertaining to a long poetic compos… Read More
2016-09-28 10:39
Dear Kid,
Have you watched the new TV show, Bull? I hope not, because A) you’re supposed to be studying or applying for internships or something and B) I haven’t decided if I lik… Read More
2016-09-27 10:20
Dear Kid,
Oh, I am mad. Spittin’ mad. And I’m not talking about the debate because I ate a late dinner and just couldn’t bring myself to watch—I’ll wait for the… Read More
2016-09-26 10:20
Dear Kid,
Once upon a time, there was god named Prometheus. We’ve talked about him a little in the past here and here and here. And here. But I’ve never actually told you the ful… Read More
2016-09-25 13:55
Dear Kid,
If you’d been hanging around in the United States in the 1600s, you would not have heard anyone use the term “Hoosier.” Even if you went to the area now known as… Read More
2016-09-24 11:23
Dear Kid,
September 24th is an auspicious day. Make a note.
It is important partly because it is today (and Today should always be important in the moment if not in hindsight) and partly bec… Read More
2016-09-23 10:35
Dear Kid,
We have a new season of Project Runway (I know this is meaningful in your life). I can’t say I’m completely addicted (I won’t bodily harm someone for interrupting… Read More
2016-09-22 10:35
Dear Kid,
It’s Elephant Appreciation Day (but you knew that).
African elephants have the best sense of smell in the animal kingdom. They can smell water 12 miles away and detect rain 1… Read More
2016-09-21 10:34
Dear Kid,
Once upon a time there was a little girl. She was actually quite a spoiled child. She had blonde hair which she loved. Her real name was Trudy but she insisted everyone call her Go… Read More
2016-09-20 10:16
Dear Kid,
There’s a boot!
Not just a boot, a BootMobile. An enormous, drivable, boot. (And I so love weird stuff like this.)
LL Bean (of Maine fame) is coming to Cincinnati, and ahead… Read More
2016-09-19 10:43
Dear Kid,
It helps if you speak the language.
When you go to a foreign country, you should learn the basics: hello, please, thank you, where is the bathroom, and may I have another beer plea… Read More
2016-09-18 13:02
Dear Kid,
Have you ever noticed that football players are extremely athletic? Of course you have. Have you noticed that they have lots of muscles? Again, of course.
So why is it that these s… Read More
2016-09-17 11:02
Dear Kid,
“I’ll be up early,” said my new acquaintance, “I’m usually up at around 4am.”
As a conversation stopper, that statement was right up there with… Read More
2016-09-16 10:35
Dear Kid,
You know those boxes that Chinese food comes in? Those ubiquitous containers are called oyster pails (you didn’t know that, did you?).
They are called oyster pails because th… Read More
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