Dear Kid,

You know how important it is to Vote. But you also know that lots of people won’t exercise their right to vote in this election. Being the kind of mom I am, I have done extensive scientific research into this and can now present you with 9 Reasons You Should Absolutely Positively NOT Vote on Tuesday.

1. You’re a convicted felon and you live in a state where convicted felons can’t vote.
2. You plan to be a convicted felon and want to get a head start.
3. You’re planning to live the rest of your life on Mars. Without government funding.
4. You’re a citizen of another country and you’re just in the US for a 2 week vacation
5. You’re a frog, not a human. (Frogs are not allowed to vote.)
6. You aren’t old enough.
7. You’ve been kidnapped by aliens. For the last several weeks.
8. You’re in a coma.
9. You’re dead. (Unless you live in Chicago, where the dead vote early and often.)

I’m guessing none of these apply to you. Especially #5.

Love, Mom