2016-09-15 12:01
Dear Kid,
According to National Safety Council, the odds of dying from a bee (or hornet or wasp) sting are 1 in 64,706.
According to the Certainty of Mom, the odds of me freaking out when a… Read More
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An Ongoing Discussion with the Kid in College
2016-09-14 10:22
Dear Kid,
If you happened to have been alive in 1914 (you weren’t), and if you found yourself in Hamilton, Ohio, and if you happened to be paying attention, you might have noticed that… Read More
2016-09-13 10:38
Dear Kid,
There is dew on the grass this morning.
And it is cold.
I discovered this because I was wearing flip flops to walk the Puppy this morning and he decided to venture onto the grass (… Read More
2016-09-12 10:23
Dear Kid,
You’ve heard about the Oedipus Complex (being in love with your mother in a less-than-generally-acceptable-way). Now, ‘tis time to learn the original story.
Once upon a… Read More
2016-09-11 12:46
Dear Kid,
We’re halfway through the weekend. (I’m guessing you knew that, but I wanted to be sure.)
Sundays are IMHO a great day for brunch. Pancakes, coffee, French Toast, coffe… Read More
2016-09-10 15:07
Dear Kid,
If you’d been hanging around London on September 10, 1897, and if you’d been positioned so that you could see properly, you’d have witnessed George Smith, a 25 ye… Read More
2016-09-09 10:46
Dear Kid,
Ugh.
I hate spam. I can’t understand why people think it will work. Like many people, I spend time each day hitting delete, delete, delete.
But last night something even wors… Read More
2016-09-08 10:23
Dear Kid,
Have you ever had your eye start twitching for no apparent reason? Mine started twitching yesterday. Right in the middle of a meeting.
I quickly put my hand up to hold down the twi… Read More
2016-09-07 10:25
Dear Kid,
Me: Come here, baby.
Puppy: Nope. I’m not here.
Me: Where are you, sweetie?
Puppy: Forget it. I saw the towels and shampoo. Don’t like towels and shampoo.
Me: I have a… Read More
2016-09-06 10:19
Dear Kid,
Yesterday was Labor Day. Which makes not a lot of sense because so many laborers have the day off. On the plus side, most of those who were working got time and half while still ma… Read More
2016-09-05 15:47
Dear Kid,
Do you know how many steps are involved in cleaning out the garage? 12,384.
Yesterday, Dad and I decided to tackle the garage. The Puppy decided to supervise by napping in the sun… Read More
2016-09-04 14:35
Dear Kid,
Aside from the coffee we stopped for on the way to see you (one part battery acid to two parts battery acid) and my slightly sun-kissed nose, yesterday was a fabulous day.
Even the… Read More
2016-09-03 10:26
Dear Kid,
Today is going to be an amazing day. Except for the Getting Up at 5:45am on the First Day of a Long Weekend Part.
Other than that, it’s going to be awesome.
Except for the dr… Read More
2016-09-02 10:37
Dear Kid,
Most of the time, job eliminations are bad news. But I just read a prediction about completely eliminating an entire job category that makes me very happy.
Turns out that researche… Read More
2016-09-01 10:38
Dear Kid,
Happy September!
It’s a new month (rabbit, rabbit, rabbit) and I am very excited because September is National Blueberry Popsicle Month.
Wait, what?
Who thinks of these thing… Read More
2016-08-31 10:23
Dear Kid,
I don’t know if this is good news or bad news. For me, I mean. For you, it’s (probably) entirely uninteresting.
You may have heard that I have a Fitbit. And that I ador… Read More
2016-08-30 10:53
Dear Kid,
You are not going to believe what today is.
Today is National Marshmallow Toasting Day. Who knew?
You are already a World Class Marshmallow Toaster when it comes to campfires and b… Read More
2016-08-29 10:40
Dear Kid,
Puppy: MOM!
Me: What honey?
Puppy: The World is Ending!
Me: What?Puppy: The World is Ending! It’s terrifying! Don’t you hear it?
Me: The thunder?
Puppy: If “thund… Read More
2016-08-28 17:10
Dear Kid,
The planets are still in the sky where they belong.
I know this because last night Dad and I went to the Cincinnati Observatory to see Venus and Jupiter converge.
“Converge… Read More
2016-08-27 15:43
Dear Kid,
A few days ago I was sent a text. I replied about 15 minutes after I got it. Later, the sender said to me, “What’s the point of having a cell phone if you don’t h… Read More
2016-08-26 10:13
Dear Kid,
Once upon a time, there was no such thing as a martini. This made all the olives very sad.
So the olives unionized and invented cocktail hour and James Bond.
A traditional martini… Read More
2016-08-25 10:12
Dear Kid,
Once upon a time, August 25th wasn’t a very interesting day. So after taking an online test, August 25th decided to get involved with a new hobby in order to be more interest… Read More
2016-08-24 10:35
Dear Kid,
I’m sorry. But I need to hijack this space for a moment.
Dear World,
IT’S AUGUST. Summer. End of Summer. Back to school. Perhaps even pre-fall.
It is NOT (emphasis on N… Read More
2016-08-23 10:33
Dear Kid,
You know those pesky little expiration dates on food?
Not all food has an expiration date of course. Some food (bananas) don’t have an expiration date because they have a bui… Read More
2016-08-22 11:29
Dear Kid,
The Olympics have come to an end.
The statue-thing that the athletes were handed with their medals was a 3D printed model of the logo. It was given instead of flowers because flowe… Read More
2016-08-21 16:59
Dear Kid,
Have you ever opened the refrigerator, realized that half a stick of margarine and a moldy piece of bread are not going to cut it, raced out of the apartment, and grabbed Chipotle… Read More
2016-08-20 15:00
Dear Kid,
Food is weird.
Not as weird as our attitudes toward food, but still, weird.
I heard a piece on NPR the other day about Depression-Era food. “Good” food then included ve… Read More
2016-08-19 10:32
Dear Kid,
Thank you for not competing in the decathlon.
Not only are these incredible athletes (understatement of the day), and not only do they compete all day for two days in a row (stamin… Read More
2016-08-18 10:40
Dear Kid,
The numbers from taking your sister to college yesterday.
Steps to finish packing and load the car: 2,000
Steps walking around in Columbus, Indiana while Dad did Dad things: 2,000… Read More
2016-08-17 10:39
Dear Kid,
I’m having flashbacks.
Three years ago we moved you into your first college dorm room. Today, we move Pi into her first dorm room.
You would think I’d have gotten used… Read More
2016-08-16 10:43
Dear Kid,
My Fitbit and I are having an argument.
Fitbit: Your body fat percentage hasn’t changed.
Me: I’ve been lifting weights.
Fitbit: No change.
Me: I’ve been doing car… Read More
2016-08-15 10:47
Dear Kid,
Well, it’s official. Usain Bolt is faster than you are.
He’s also taller. And has his own pose.
Simone Biles is bouncier than you.
She’s also shorter. And her eye… Read More
2016-08-14 13:51
Dear Kid,
“Who wants to help me make cookies and then go for a long walk?” your sister asked.
Not a completely unreasonable suggestion (for it was more suggestion than question)… Read More
2016-08-13 18:01
Dear Kid,
Oh, the weather outside is frightful. Dreadful. Completely horrific.
No, it’s not the middle of the winter. No, I haven’t been magically spirited off to the North Pole… Read More
2016-08-12 11:32
Dear Kid,
Puppy: Mom! Mom! We have a thief in the house! Alert the constabulary!
Me: What are you talking about?
Puppy: My toys have been stolen!
Me: Don’t be silly. I took them.
Puppy… Read More
2016-08-11 10:24
Dear Kid,
Do you know about the pentathlon?
If you’re old-ish, you might hear “pentathlon” and think “ah, the women’s version of the decathlon.” And it wo… Read More
2016-08-10 10:34
Dear Kid,
Have you been watching the Olympics? Of course you have. Silly question. My apologies.
I love the Olympics. I am blown away by the athletes, the events (most of them), the coverage… Read More
2016-08-09 10:56
Dear Kid,
The media has it all wrong.
In talking about the women’s bicycle road race (which happened Sunday), they’ve been talking about the medalists and blah, blah, blah. Presu… Read More
2016-08-08 10:30
Dear Kid,
Today is Book Lovers Day.
Um, why?
There are some things that just seem too obvious to talk about.
I mean, we don’t have a National Take a Breath Day (do we? I don’t th… Read More
2016-08-07 12:47
Dear Kid,
It’s Friendship Day!
Which means there’s an extra reason to be a good friend. Here are five college budget friendly ways to celebrate Friendship Day.
Hang out with a fr… Read More
2016-08-06 14:08
Dear Kid,
Mom fell asleep with her nose in her coffee. Dad said not to laugh at the little bubbles she makes when she snores, but that it was OK for me to write and tell you about them.
Mom… Read More
2016-08-05 10:30
Dear Kid,
Ready or not, Rio is here!
Don’t ask me to explain it. I’m as confused as anyone, but somehow it’s August and the Olympics are upon us.
Let’s review the imp… Read More
2016-08-04 10:32
Dear Kid,
Yesterday I told you about Paul Bunyan’s childhood. (Read about it here if you’ve forgotten.)
Today, I want to tell you about a few of his experiences (it’s not e… Read More
2016-08-03 10:28
Dear Kid,
Once upon a time, babies were brought to their families by a stork. Then Paul Bunyan was born, and it took 5 supersized storks to carry him. After that the storks went on strike an… Read More
2016-08-02 10:39
Dear Kid,
As I mentioned, your sister is attempting to end my ability to breath by involving me in the insanity workout chaos.
Yesterday, I shared my first 15 Reasons for NOT Doing the Insan… Read More
2016-08-01 10:41
Dear Kid,
Your sister has decided to kill me.
I know this because she has been doing the insanity workouts this summer and has decided I need to join her in these workouts.
Anything that inc… Read More
2016-07-31 13:00
Dear Kid,
Friday night Dad and I went to the hippest event in Blue Ash: the Food Truck Fest.
The past two years, the Food Truck Fest has been down in Washington Park (not convenient). This y… Read More
2016-07-30 16:14
Dear Kid,
Bird 1: Fly! Flee! Send up the alarm!!
Bird 2: Huh?
Bird 1: Human approaching! Dog attacking!! Everyone take wing!
With that, the birds flew off as the Puppy and I went out to fill… Read More
2016-07-29 10:28
Dear Kid,
Puppy: What are you doing?
Me: Writing a “get well” card.Puppy: Who’s building a well?
Me: In this case, it means I hope the person feels better.Puppy: Does someo… Read More
2016-07-28 10:25
Dear Kid,
Is Rio ready?
In a word, um, no. Unless by “ready” you mean more of a hot mess than prior not-ready Olympic cities.
Claressa Shields, on the other hand, is ready.
Clare… Read More
2016-07-27 10:44
Dear Kid,
Today’s Word of the Day is OGANOLEPTIC.
Organoleptic properties are the aspects of food, water, or other substances that an individual experiences via the senses.
O… Read More
2016-07-26 10:37
Dear Kid,
Happy Aunt and Uncle Day!
You aren’t one yet, but you have them, so I think we should celebrate.
There are lots of famous aunts and uncles, like Uncle Sam, Uncle Wiggly, Aunt… Read More
2016-07-25 10:37
Dear Kid,
Happy Monday and hope you had a good weekend.
For us, the weekend included the First Spinach Harvest.
Yeah, it was a lot of spinach.
The spinach we grow is Malabar Spinach which… Read More
2016-07-24 14:45
Dear Kid,
Many, many years ago we had a mulberry tree in our backyard (now we have a mulberry tree stump, but I’ll get to that).
The mulberry tree had branches that reached from the ba… Read More
2016-07-23 15:52
Dear Kid,
A group of chipmunks is called a scurry.
A group of football fans is called a tailgate.
A group of drinkers is called a frat party.
A group of alligators is called a congregation… Read More
2016-07-22 10:35
Dear Kid,
The Puppy has created a new game called Get Mom to Get Up and Move.
That’s not what it’s called.
We were outside weeding. Well, I was weeding and he was sniffing weeds… Read More
2016-07-21 10:29
Dear Kid,
Have you heard of eyelash perms? Clearly, I’m behind the times, because I hadn’t heard of this trendy beauty treatment until recently.
The idea is straightforward&mdash&hell…Read More
2016-07-20 10:31
Dear Kid,
It’s that time of year again. Yes, the rabbits are out. This thrills the Puppy who is eager (and by “eager” I mean desperate) to make a friend. It is less thrilli… Read More
2016-07-19 10:47
Dear Kid,
I’m so excited! A recorded voice just called to tell me that I’ve been selected to receive a free cruise to the Bahamas!
I’m so excited! A recorded voice just cal… Read More
2016-07-18 10:29
Dear Kid,
Having one of those “Well, duh” moments.
There’s a video making the rounds on the ‘net (you can watch it here if you really want to) that proves that dogs h… Read More
2016-07-17 12:54
Dear Kid,
Some things are better left alone. Some questions just shouldn’t be asked. And yet, I often find myself asking them.
Questions like: What the HECK is Yellow Pig Day?
So glad… Read More
2016-07-16 18:22
Dear Kid,
Happy Weekend!
Is it me, or did this week just fly by? First it was Monday and then—zip!—the week was over.
In some ways, that was great because it meant I was enjoying… Read More
2016-07-15 11:41
Dear Kid,
If you’ve ever thought about buying a Lottery ticket today might be the day. Because the unthinkable, the unimaginable has happened.
Rarer than a Royal Flush, more unlikely t… Read More
2016-07-14 10:41
Dear Kid,
Once upon a time there were no fact checkers in the world.
Then people were invented and – PRESTO! – fact checking leapt into existence.
Joe Neanderthal: There is good… Read More
2016-07-13 10:53
Dear Kid,
Speaking of Olympic sports (I’m sure I was at some point), I’ve been watching some of the swimming trials.
And it occurs to me that there is an event missing.
Not the w… Read More
2016-07-12 10:43
Dear Kid,
I was browsing Facebook (shocking, I know) and found a very interesting thought a friend of mine had posted:
So many things to say, but not one reason in the world to say them… Read More
2016-07-11 10:40
Dear Kid,
Once upon a time, there were no messengers. Then the worlds was invented and blam! there were messengers and general contractors. It just worked that way.
In the beginning, messeng… Read More
2016-07-10 14:14
Dear Kid,
What a lovely weekend we’ve had so far.
First we visited you, YAY!
Yesterday, we did a lot of gardening. The never-ending weed pit we call our entire property gives us p… Read More
2016-07-08 10:19
Dear Kid,
Well, aren’t I just the trendiest Mom you have?
This week, I Uber-ed (for the first time).
Michael, my driver, is a retired Cincinnati Public School employee who has been dri… Read More
2016-07-08 10:16
Dear Kid,
It probably will not surprise you to learn that Dad is watching a bio-ecology-ocean-fish TV show (especially when I tell you there aren’t any major sporting events on air at… Read More
2016-07-07 10:34
Dear Kid,
Yippee!! It’s Chocolate Day!
As if we needed an excuse, but IT’S CHOCOLATE DAY!
And we don’t really need to be creative, but it’s Chocolate Day so why not?… Read More
2016-07-06 10:32
Dear Kid,
Have you noticed that the summer Olympics are coming up? And that they’re going to be in Rio?
Yeah, you probably knew that. Which means that it is time to learn a little bit… Read More
2016-07-05 10:17
Dear Kid,
About a zillion years ago, I found a big piece of fabric with a blue background and a football team logo all over it. I sewed up the sides, stuffed it, and turned it into an enormo… Read More
2016-07-04 11:38
Dear Kid,
Have you ever noticed that no one sets off fireworks on your birthday? They don’t on mine either.
And yet, as we celebrate America’s (faux) birthday (read about the fau… Read More
2016-07-03 11:26
Dear Kid,
Dad is at it again.
Or perhaps I should say the squirrels are at it again.
Either way, someone is at it, and “it” involves birdseed and removing tree limbs.
Dad was con… Read More
2016-07-02 16:09
Dear Kid,
TwoLittleBoys have moved in across the street. Their parents have moved in with them, but they are peripheral to the story. It’s the TwoLittleBoys who are important (as littl… Read More
2016-07-01 10:36
Dear Kid,
The Tour de France begins soon and (obviously) so do the allegations.
Actually, the allegations have already begun (does that make them pre-allegations? Prallegations?). And this y… Read More
2016-06-30 10:36
Dear Kid,
Puppy: Where are you going?
Me: To a party.Puppy: I want to go to a party.
Me: You weren’t invited.Puppy: That can’t be right.
Me: Odd, isn’t it?Puppy: What… Read More
2016-06-29 10:43
Dear Kid,
More than once, I have commented on the permanency and dangers of the internet (seriously – not erasable – no do-overs!).
More than once, I have commented on the joys a… Read More
2016-06-28 10:49
Dear Kid,
We’re headed toward the Olympics and Rio isn’t Ready.
Haven’t we been here before? Russia wasn’t ready and yet somehow pulled it off.
But Rio has some issue… Read More
2016-06-27 10:25
Dear Kid,
Poor Pi doesn’t feel well. She has a Virus. Which is a terrible thing to have because it’s not easy to treat (and by “not easy” I mean basically impossible)… Read More
2016-06-26 17:19
Dear Kid,
It turns out we have poison vines in our backyard. I’m pretty sure it’s not poison ivy (unless it is) and it might be poison oak (unless it isn’t), but whatever i… Read More
2016-06-25 12:34
Dear Kid,
While most of the neighborhood was still sleeping, the Puppy and I went for a walk this morning.
You may ask, “What the heck were you doing up at an hour when everyone was sl… Read More
2016-06-24 10:26
Dear Kid,
Another week has come and flown
A weekend in its place.
And after that a Monday comes
To smack us in the face.
Time creeps slow the whole week long
Impatience we must master
Then F… Read More
2016-06-23 10:28
Dear Kid,
Do you know what tomorrow is? Do you KNOW?
It’s possibly the most amazing day in the history of days. Not really. But it might very well be the most amazing day this week. If… Read More
2016-06-22 11:56
Dear Kid,
Sometimes people expect too much of me.
I was talking with a friend of mine who is something of a fitness junkie. She’s not an “expert” in the traditional sense o… Read More
2016-06-21 10:31
Dear Kid,
Madison Avenue thinks I am A) old and B) falling apart.
“Madison Avenue” is where all the advertising companies used to be, so saying Madison Avenue means advertising… Read More
2016-06-20 10:29
Dear Kid,
So now that we know it’s summer (as proven by the emergence of lovely lightening bugs), it seems like a good time to talk about them.
First of all, I should clarify my positi… Read More
2016-06-19 11:34
Dear Kid,
Now it’s officially summer.
You may have thought summer started when school ended (wrong). You may have thought we needed to wait for the summer solstice on June 20 (wrong)… Read More
2016-06-18 12:19
Dear Kid,
Last night Dad and I were talking about what we wanted to do this weekend.
Dad: So we’ll get up in the morning while it’s cool and weed and plant some of the plants in… Read More
2016-06-17 12:20
Dear Kid,
Sorry, sweetie. This needs to have a bigger audience than just you.
Dear People,
You are people. One way you can tell is that you don’t have four legs, you’re not cover… Read More
2016-06-16 10:41
Dear Kid,
Speaking of things that aren’t going to happen, we got mail today addressed to The Parents Of:
In this particular case it was addressed tTPO your sister, but that’s not… Read More
2016-06-15 10:35
Dear Kid,
Anyone who says that men and women are identical in all things has never experienced the joy of a sports bra.
A well-crafted sports bra is all about, um, restraint, and is built wi… Read More
2016-06-14 10:32
Dear Kid,
Wow.
You read that right. Wow. Just wow.
By not watching TV last night (I’m assuming you didn’t) you missed American Ninja Warrior. And by missing this episode of ANW… Read More
2016-06-13 10:16
Dear Kid,
When it looks like 3-day-old fish and smells like 3-day-old fish, chances are it’s 3-day-old fish.
This is an important life lesson. Pay attention.
Someone who shall remain n… Read More
2016-06-12 15:23
Dear Kid,
Orlando is supposed to be the land of magical kingdoms and impeccable service, where the scariest things are oversized mouse ears and tightly controlled rides plunging millions of… Read More
2016-06-11 13:33
Dear Kid,
Puppy: Wake up.
Me: Mmrph.
Puppy: Wake up.
Me: Seriously?
Puppy: Wake up.
Me: OK, OK, give me a minute.
Puppy: Wake up.
Me: Fine, I’m awake. What?
Puppy: Watch me sleep.
Pup… Read More
2016-06-10 12:05
Dear Kid,
We have a moth outside our window.
That’s a bit of an understatement.
It’s a moth the way King Kong was a monkey.
Technically accurate but completely misses the point… Read More
2016-06-09 10:42
Dear Kid,
The other night, after I finished working out at the gym, I stopped by the pool.
It was a beautiful evening, and I hung out for a few minutes enjoying the one day of perfect weathe… Read More
2016-06-08 10:24
Dear Kid,
In my over-exuberance, I jumped the gun (as we sports experts say) and said yesterday was Best Friend Day. It wasn’t. It was Best Friend Day Eve (OK, I just made that part up… Read More
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