Taking care of those who need you to be present is a huge responsibility. The Story that keeps me ever present to Heavenly Father, and the work I do in community, comes from Margaret Craven, in her finest work, “I heard the Owl Call my Name.”
It is the story of Mark Bryan. A 26 year old young Anglican priest who is sent by his Bishop to the Up Coast of Vancouver British Columbia. To serve in a native village.
The story begins with a conversation between a doctor and the bishop, as the doctor informs the bishop that young Mark is very sick and is going to die. The bishop, in his wisdom, sends him to Kingcome to serve the native community there in that small village.
Mark does not know the particulars, just that the bishop has asked him to go there, because the bishop thought that, if he had a second opportunity, that that is where HE would go.
Mark has to learn the native language before he can teach them his, and that is no easy prospect. But he persists. And over time, the spiritual experiences come to him, through the interactions with the many natives he will call family. He learns about them in order to learn how to love and serve them. And they too, do the same.
The story does not have a happy ending. Suffice to say, that in Mark’s heroic death, the little village honors him with a resting place in their great ceremonial burial ground just off the village.
If I need to know why I am still on this earth is that it is the OWL who calls the man or woman who is to die. Until that owl calls me, I’m not going anywhere…
Segue into Change …
Not long ago, a shift had begun to come into my life. I am hypersensitive to my feelings, and my emotional and mental well being, and my all around looks about town. I’ve gone back to color and my stylist keeps me groomed. I’ve changed up my wardrobe considerably, due to the fact that weight is falling off me on these new meds I am on.
I want to look good, and feel good and look good doing it too. Feeling good has everything to do with looking good… And damned what all my naysayers are saying. This is my life, and life is too precious and short to surround myself with elbows and assholes.
Not Going To Do It …
My friends are of two minds on this topic.
My straight friends look at me and say kind words of encouragement and love. They see who I am and they all know my story, everybody does, who knows me.
50 is a HUGE landmark. Because I am still alive, and will cross that bridge still breathing. I never thought I would get this far. And so I’ve hit another mental and emotional shift.
The first one began when I crossed the 40 mark. Every day, change, and emotion, was documented in the thousands of posts and pages on the this blog.
My Gay Friends, on the other hand, are not so generous with words. Many of my gay friends, well, almost all of them, are older than me by ten and twenty years.
They are Old. Miserable.
I will not go down to Old, Miserable and FRUMPY.
No way Jose …
My critical gay friends do not spare me insults in the rooms, because they love to pick me apart in front of the other members in the room, purposely.
It saddens me that this is happening. And I don’t need to explain my decisions to them because none of them have anything to do with my personal presentation in public.
I know, I am a bit emotional. My spiritual Director is very ill and I am doing everything I can to lift him up and support him, in this very personal journey he is on.
I’ve walked this road myself.
My Elder friend reminds me always that Heavenly Father is right there with us all the way, and that the sacrifice of the cross has brought us the Atonement.
Easter is coming and our Pope Francis encourages us to go out into community and participate and love deeply and serve totally. Because Christ shows us his face, in every single person we know, love and serve.
The coming months are going to be challenging. I just needed to document this shift as it is coming to me right now.
50 is the new 30 I’ve heard.
So I will look 30, when I reach 50, I am already on that path.
Filed under: New Beginnings Tagged: All About Me, Change, Emotional Shift, Feeling Good is related to looking good, Friends, Heading Towards 50, Heavenly Father, I Heard the Owl Call my Name, Judgment, Margaret Craven, Spiritual Director, The Last Watch of the Night