Below is the first story from a Series on Miscarriage– Miscarriage: Part 2. Let’s talk about it.
Rebecca Trumble is a close friend of mine that has had several miscarriages.
Rebecca Trumble, Miscarriage: Part 2
Miscarriage. Part 2. Let’s talk about it. My husband and I started our parenting journey in 2017 by welcoming our first born son , Rowan, into this crazy world. I had an incredibly easy and healthy pregnancy. Becoming a mother was everything I thought it would be and so much more!
When Rowan turned one, we decided to start trying for Baby number two, and I became pregnant again within a few months. We were so excited that we told our closest family and friends immediately. I’ve been told not to make a pregnancy announcement until after 12 weeks because the miscarriage risk is so high in the first trimester, but we didn’t care. We already had one perfect and healthy baby. I didn’t even think that something could go wrong.
A few days after we had announced to some, I was at work and began having cramps. When I went to the bathroom and saw the blood, my whole world was knocked upside down. I called my OB-GYN right away and was told “if you start Bleeding too heavy, go to the ER”. That was it. That’s the only advice that was given to me.
I needed answers.
I was so confused and so hurt that my providers weren’t at all concerned about me or our baby. When I got home that afternoon, the cramping got worse, and I started to bleed more. I decided to call my OB-GYN again to see if they could see me at the office. At this point, I knew I was miscarrying, but I needed answers.
The nurse I spoke with very coldly said, “If you’re having a miscarriage there is nothing we can do just go to the ER if the bleeding gets worse.” She finally agreed to put me in their schedule for the following day. After an exam, an ultrasound, blood work and days of waiting, the doctor was finally able to confirm that I’d had a miscarriage.
Although I knew that’s what had happened, I was crushed to finally have that confirmation. I was completely shattered into a million pieces, and I literally laid on the couch sobbing for days not eating or sleeping. No doctor or nurse to walk me through this process, and that was the toughest part.
My experience was horrific, but I am grateful that I had the love and support of my husband, our family and friends. However, I just remember feeling embarrassed. I didn’t want people to feel pity for us, and I didn’t want people to think there was something wrong with me that caused the miscarriage.
All I could think about was getting pregnant again. I needed a baby. So, we began trying again as soon as we could and to our surprise, I got pregnant right away!!
Our rainbow baby.
In 2019, we welcomed our second baby boy, Emmett. He was another perfect, healthy pregnancy resulting in a perfect, healthy baby. He filled our hearts to the rim. I remember holding him for the first time and just feeling the deepest love I have ever felt. He was so perfect. Our rainbow baby. And without my miscarriage, we wouldn’t have HIM. He completed us. He is the most perfect addition to our family, and the sweetest little brother to our Rowan!
When Emmett turned one, we started talking about trying for just one more baby. We began weighing out the pros and cons, and we decided to keep trying until I turn 30. That gave us around 6-8 months. I was comfortable with that. We thought, if we get pregnant again, it’s meant to be and we will figure it out. And if I’m not pregnant by 30, that’s ok, too!
On January 6th, 2021, I found out we were expecting again! Our oldest son, Rowan, was so excited and kept saying he wanted a baby sister. This time, we decided to wait until after my first appointment to tell our closest family and friends. Our plan was to tell them on valentine’s day! My first appointment was scheduled for February 4th. . .
I was flooded with relief and worry.
However, on February 3rd- I started having very slight cramping and very light bleeding. I was immediately brought back to previous miscarriage. The pain. I tried to stay positive and thought that some spotting in early pregnancy can be considered normal. I went to my OB-GYN appointment the next day. Yes, I did switch OBs after my last miscarriage. To my surprise, THERE WAS A HEARTBEAT. I was flooded with relief and worry. What was causing the bleeding? It turns out, there was a twin that quit developing at around 5 weeks. My new and amazing OB-GYN seemed confident in the twin that had a heartbeat. She said that the sac looked great, very healthy and the heartbeat was strong! She recommended that I come back after the weekend if the bleeding hadn’t stopped. I mourned for one twin but held out hope for the other!
Very early in the morning the next day, I woke up to heavy cramping and bleeding. It was heavier bleeding than I had ever experienced. I bled extremely heavy for close to 7 hours, and then the bleeding suddenly slowed down. My husband assured me that it was all ok, and I held on to that hope. I wanted so badly for the healthy twin to be fine.
I didn’t have to suffer in silence.
At this point, we decided to tell our closest family and friends what was going on. We needed their support though this. I decided that I didn’t have to suffer in silence and needed all the extra love and good thoughts I could get. I went back to the doctor on Monday after a very long and exhausting weekend of worry. . . She did another ultrasound and apologized multiple times saying that both babies had been passed. She said that if the twins were placed in there a little differently, the healthy baby would’ve probably survived. To be devastated is an understatement. I knew deep down when I started to bleed so heavy, that both babies were not ok, but of course I had hope. I felt deep disappointment.
Going through a miscarriage is the hardest thing I have ever experienced. But having the love and support of my family and friends have saved me from the deepest depressions. Those of us that have miscarried don’t have to suffer in silence. We also don’t have to wait until after the first trimester to tell people you are expecting. We don’t have to just forget about the baby you lost and move on. Miscarriage. Let’s talk about it.
Talk about it. Remember it. Share it. I’ve been there. I am there.
The babies we have lost will always be a part of who we are. We will always honor their memory and will always wonder who they’d be. We planted a tree in honor of our lost babies. Watching the tree grow will be a special way for us to remember the sweet souls we lost.
My name is Rebecca and I have SURVIVED two miscarriages. Miscarriage. Let’s talk about it.
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