I had a fantastic evening laughing and chatting with the Dormouse. The Wizard had slept almost all the way through our funny interlude. He only awoke at the end to tell me to pay off the Old-Woman-who-lived-in-a-Shoe. He told me to be sure to do this with disdain.
“Good morning,” I smile at my friend. “Buenos dias Doc Oz. Okay I’ll do that. How can I do it with disdain? Do I just think it?” I ask him puzzled. “What worries me most is what is next? I’m scared she will sue me to see Willem next. She has never shown any interest in the little fellow so you can’t tell me she’ll treat him right. My guess is she didn’t like something on my blog recently and needs to retaliate. Pester me for a reaction. Sad old woman.”
“How much do you owe her?” the Wizard wants to know.
“She says 2.769 Euros but I have noted down 2.500 Euros with all other payments I made,” I confess.
“If you can afford to pay her, do so in fifty cent pieces or ten cent pieces,” the Wizard says with a keen twinkle in his eyes. Mischief is brewing, I can sense it.
“In cash? Really?” I cry out in amazement. “Wim was going to transfer the money to me and I will transfer it this weekend. In cash is better? What about 5 Euro notes? Or 10 Euro notes?”
“Yes. One cent would be best but can be heavy to carry and off load,” the Wizard continues developing his devilish plan. “You tape her when you bring it in case she wants to reject your payment. She must count it in front of you and give you a signed receipt.”
“Seriously?” I can hardly keep my poise. Haven’t had so much fun in a long time. “Okay… So I record her. That’s what I don’t agree with.” I remember giving the White Queen quite a hard time for recording one of our last conversations.
“Well if you don’t want to be unconvinced do a telex transfer,” the Wizard rolls his eyes at me. “That way you have a paper trail. If you want to make it inconvenient for her do it in coins.”
“I openly film her?” I am in utter amazement at the genius behind this plan. “I will think about it. Love the idea.”
“What if she says take it back? I don’t want cash? What will you do?” the Wizard pushes me to think further. Consider the consequences.
“Yes what will I do?” I stop in stupor.
“Do you need a script?” the Wizard asks me annoyed.
“Yes,” I sigh as I fumble with my rings. “Unfortunately I do.”
“Really?” the Wizard’s eyes are popping and he is at a loss with my hopelessness.
“Really,” I insist. “What do I do if she doesn’t want the cash?”
“If she rejects cash you state she doesn’t want you to pay her back at all,” the Wizard smiles a full grin at me.
“Ok,” I confirm I see where he is getting at.
“If she does then she must take the cash coins,” the Wizard states with false modesty.
“Cash coins,” I repeat as my eyes light up and mischief dances through my mind.
“It’s either or,” the Wizard points out there is no in between.
“I still prefer the notes,” I play out the scenario in my mind. “Thanks. You’re brill as usual.”
“Do as you like,” the Wizard sighs.
“Absolute genius,” I confirm ignoring his changing mood.
“Notes means nothing,” the Wizard won’t let it go. He wants me to see the big picture.
“Do you think she will come after Willem?” I ask him anxiously. “Why do notes mean nothing?”
“No inconvenience to count or bank,” the Wizard tells me. “But coins out of the bank wrapping is a major pain in the butt. You just unwrap them and put them in a plastic bag. 2.500 in notes fits in your pocket. Coins is a big fuck you statement.”
“It is a big fuck you statement indeed,” I think rather pleased as that exactly matches the message I want to convey. “You are brilliant. How do you think up things like these?”
“I am sure you could too if you try,” the Wizard for some reason still believes I am no idiot.
“The old hag could think something like this,” I tell him. “Nothing quite as brilliant as this. But equally good. I am useless. I am really too nice and too good.”
“You need to decide what your aim is,” the Wizard winks at me. This means the real clue is coming. “Instead of being PC and emotional about her wanting to see and influence William.”
“PC?” I question him.
“Politically correct,” the Wizard replies. He has told me over and over the past couple of years that I need to ditch being politically correct. It doesn’t serve me.
“I want to keep her away from Willem,” I say resolutely.
“Why?” the Wizard wants to know.
“Because she is nasty?” my voice is nearing a sarcastic tone again.
“Winston and Lilly are still alive,” the Wizard throws back at me.
“Especially with little children,” I emphasize. “Winston and Lilly have a daddy.”
“Really. So what?” the Wizard retorts.
“The old hag is scared of David, and she wants to please men,” I go on explaining how different the Old-Woman-who-lives-in-a-Shoe reacts to men opposed to women. “She will hurt him to hurt me.”
“So Wim can play that roll,” the Wizard raises an eyebrow.
“She was nasty to me as a baby and as a little girl,” I tell him part of the story he already knows. “She would shake me and slap my face, hit me silly, also with sticks.”
“You still grew up just the same,” the Wizard says kindly.
“Yes and look at me,” I am using my sarcastic voice again. It annoys me.
“I think those days have past,” the Wizard gazes off into the distance for a moment.
“Oh ok. So not worry about her taking me to court?” I ask in utter disbelief. “If she wants the baby she can have him. Why do you think those days have passed?”
“You have to learn how to overcome the difficulties you face,” the Wizard coaches me. “Not run away from them.”
“Ok,” I take a deep breath. “So just give her the baby.”
“Wow the first thing you need is to suppress the bitch that lurks just under the surface,” the Wizard signals me not to jump the gun so fast. “No stop trying so hard to convince me you are brain dead. There are many solutions. I am talking about you not William or the Old-Woman-who-lives-in-a-Shoe. Most of your battles are because you don’t have a strategy, a clear picture of what is going on, how to deal with it for the good of all parties. You behave like a narcissist sometimes.”
“Oh shit. That’s bad,” I exclaim. I can’t believe I am turning into my worst nightmare myself. “But it’s true. I don’t know how to deal with things, or what’s going on, or how to win-win.”
“The Old-Woman-who-lives-in-a-Shoe is your mother,” the Wizard points out the obvious. “You know her and how she reacts. Pay her off so she has nothing left to talk about. Then just ignore her.”
“Ok,” I sigh again.
“You need to try other methods to see which one works best,” the Wizard lectures me. “The key is to stop being right and to look for ways that work for you that will bring you success. Once you find that just repeat it over and over.”
I smile as I find his words comforting and healing.
“She can Skype with the kids, see them some tea for an afternoon,” the Wizard continues to spell it all out. “Not more than 3 to 4 hours as she will loose interest after that.”
“She’s not interested in the kids. She never asks to see them,” I say with open disgust. “I always say yes when she asks. Last weekend when it was her court ordered Saturday she refused to see the kids because I had the flu. The only thing that interests her is pestering people.” I take a deep breath and decide to solve the issue at hand: “Should I give her the coins with or without the kids?”
“Without,” the Wizard replies without batting an eyelid.
“Ok,” I have heard him loud and clear. “So you think it’s going to be messy.”
“Yes,” the Wizard nods.
“Oh,” I sigh again. “I hate scenes with the old hag. She’s nasty.”
“My true advice is just transfer the money and let things work out,” the Wizard looks at me with a broad smile and he pats my forearm gently at the same time. His touch is warm and very soothing.
“Okay I will,” I smile relieved. “The idea was brilliant though. Just transfer then ignore.”
“If you want to fight then give her coins,” the Wizard points out that the alternative is still an option.
“Phew I really like that,” I smile as I feel light and warm, as if a heavy burden is being lifted off my shoulders.
“Yes just transfer and ignore or cut it down to a minimum,” the Wizard gives my arm another rub and a pat just to be sure I received all kind energy.
“No I’ve had enough,” I say as I jump to my feet and stand tall. “That’s her life. Her way of doing things. Pestering people and fighting. I just want peace. Little house on the prairie.” I stretch out my back and my arms taking on a few power poses I have learned in yoga class. “Okay I can do that. Thank you very much.”
“Ok,” the Wizard blows me a kiss as he floats loftily towards the door.
* Disclaimer : Any resemblance between the fictional characters in this story and any persons, living or dead, is a miracle by chance more than by choice.