2016-08-05 03:14
In my program of recovery we learn, "...life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness," and that, "...this business of resentment is infinitely grave...it is fat… Read More
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Depression Marathon Blog
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Female runner and health professional reveals her battle with severe and persistent depression including how it changed her identity, personality and life.
2016-07-30 16:38
If I do nothing else today, and I just may not based on how I'm feeling right now, I've already had what I hope will be a momentous day. I ran this morning. Yes, that's right, I ran.
It's b… Read More
2016-07-27 01:46
I think I need to get away. I'm feeling cooped up and restless. Before major depression cleaned out my bank accounts and limited my future earning potential, I used to travel whenever I coul… Read More
2016-07-21 19:54
My official 16-week New York City Marathon training schedule began Monday, July 18th. I'm not yet back on the road, but I'm getting closer. Today I ran on the Alter-G Treadmill for 37 minute… Read More
2016-07-17 02:27
According to something called The Urban Dictionary, punky means feeling run down, tired, worn out, dragging... I guess that's somewhat accurate. But it's more than that. My brain is also fee… Read More
2016-07-12 02:27
It's the day after the weekend of my 30th high school reunion. I didn't go. From the looks of it, via Facebook, I missed a lot of fun. Does Facebook ever make anyone feel good? Anyway, today… Read More
2016-07-07 21:57
I'm in a weird space. My mood is fine, but I don't feel like doing anything. Nothing. And this has been going on for 4-5 days now. In fact, I'd been planning to write in this blog for 3 stra… Read More
2016-07-02 19:35
I blew up the other day. It was short and sweet, but for one brief moment, I lost my temper.
This was news because I don't remember the last time I even raised my voice. I live alone. I kee… Read More
2016-06-28 00:51
It's a bird. It's a plane. No, it's an ElliptiGo! I am excited. After years of yearning, and months of searching, I am now the proud owner of an ElliptiGo. It's my new training tool.
An… Read More
2016-06-23 23:29
I'm happy to report I ran for 35 minutes today, on the Alter G Treadmill, at 75% of my body weight. I ran 8 minute miles without pain. I'm cautiously optimistic I've turned a corner in my re… Read More
2016-06-19 20:33
I'm back from my weekend in Duluth where, if I wasn't still injured, I would have run Grandma's Marathon. I had a nice time, but not great. I felt conflicted most of the weekend and kind of… Read More
2016-06-14 01:55
I just turned on a baseball game. I've been listening to National Public Radio all day. That's my usual Sunday routine. But unlike usual Sundays, my radio has not been filled with clever qui… Read More
2016-06-09 02:35
This post has no title, as I truly have little to say. My brain has been preoccupied this week. I'm still ruminating about my oral surgery consult from last week. Ruminating is no good. It's… Read More
2016-06-04 00:35
I just returned home from my 8th physical therapy session. It's been almost one month since I began rehab on the Alter-G Treadmill. Today I ran on the Alter-G for 30 minutes, at 8:30 pace, a… Read More
2016-05-30 01:30
It's hard to believe, but my 30th high school reunion is coming up this summer. 30 years! Talking with a friend the other day, we were chuckling about how, 30 years ago, we thought people ou… Read More
2016-05-26 23:08
Things are going fairly well here lately. Life is stable. I'm feeling okay. I'd like to feel better than okay, but that's not yet my reality. I'm definitely still feeling better and function… Read More
2016-05-22 23:01
I have a friend with depression and anxiety. She's a good friend, a wise friend, and a generous friend. She gives freely of her time to assist others in whatever way she can. She's helped me… Read More
2016-05-20 03:03
I had the rare opportunity last night to share my recovery and recovery community with my parents. I invited my mom and stepfather to present me with my celebratory cake in honor of 10 years… Read More
2016-05-20 01:55
I was notified yesterday by the website Healthline.com that they have chosen my little blog as one of their 17 best for 2016. I've been similarly honored previously, but it always amaze… Read More
2016-05-14 01:06
I am a lucky woman. I believe I have the best treatment team around. When my depression sucks me under, my team of expert providers (and a few incredible friends) keep me afloat until I once… Read More
2016-05-04 02:56
In what I hope will be the first step in a long, strong, fast, and injury-free return to competitive running, I got on a treadmill today. It was an Alter-G Treadmill, and I ran at 10 minute… Read More
2016-05-01 02:15
My friend Wendy and I honored musical genius, and fellow Minnesotan good guy, Prince, this week with a one day tour of Prince sights and memorials. I grew up with Prince. His movie, Purple R… Read More
2016-04-24 21:41
I survived. I finished my sixth, and hopefully final, week of my increased work schedule, and I'm doing okay. Not much will change this week, as I've been surprisingly able to maintain a fai… Read More
2016-04-21 13:58
It's been a long weekend. My mood has gone from low to no. That is, I'm at that point where I feel very little to nothing at all. Just indeterminate, monotonous gray. Gray hurts. I'm not sur… Read More
2016-04-20 01:30
My psychiatrist (and her nurse) is a dedicated genius, and the best one around. We've been working together since shortly after my journey with depression began 15 years ago. She very quickl… Read More
2016-04-15 21:45
I had to leave work early yesterday. It was my fourth day of work in a row. I wasn't able to function at the level I'm accustomed to, was near tears, and I was totally worn out. I admitted m… Read More
2016-04-06 23:42
I've been having some tough days. My fatigue level continues to climb and it is now affecting my functioning and my mood. My mood has definitely taken a dive toward the bottom of a very dark… Read More
2016-04-02 21:40
I apologize for going missing for almost a week. I don't have a lot to say. I continue to be very busy working. It feels like I have little time to squeeze in my other obligations, like exer… Read More
2016-03-27 14:03
Sitting here drinking my coffee this morning, I'm tired but satisfied. I survived my very busy week. And while I didn't do so perfectly, I made it. My house is a bit of a mess, the laundry n… Read More
2016-03-23 02:10
If you've been following along, you already know I've been busier than I'm accustomed to at work. In fact, this week I'm working 5 full days, including Saturday. And the days have been full!… Read More
2016-03-18 02:00
I'm doing okay. My mood is okay. Despite Social Security piling onto my already full plate of concerns, I'm hanging in there. But I'm tired. And I'm getting a bit down on myself for being ti… Read More
2016-03-12 03:14
If it wasn't happening to me, I don't think I'd believe this. It's a long story which began in 2011. At that time I was so seriously ill I was granted Social Security Disability Insurance (S… Read More
2016-03-05 23:22
I'm wiped out. I don't know why exactly. I worked my normal schedule this week. I exercised my normal amount. I partook in my normal daily activities. But the last few days have not been tot… Read More
2016-03-02 02:23
Warning. I'm in a crappy mood. I've been stomping around all day. My day began well. I got up early and attended a 45 minute cycling class. That was tough, but I like tough. I felt good afte… Read More
2016-02-26 03:16
Two days ago I met with a woman early in recovery. She was putting herself down left and right for not doing one thing "correctly" or not doing another as she thought she should. She thought… Read More
2016-02-20 21:40
Hard to believe it's been a week since my last post. I apologize. I usually don't let so much time pass between posts. The lack of posts reflects the lack of anything interesting going on ar… Read More
2016-02-14 02:06
I've had a bit of a tough week. Of course, I'm still recovering from my Achilles surgery. And while I'm not having physical pain, just some soreness, being immobilized in a walking boot prev… Read More
2016-02-08 16:06
Perhaps it was a reference in a book written by a man dying from ALS, or perhaps it was the result of sitting at home in pain and/or ill for the better part of a week, or maybe it was seeing… Read More
2016-02-02 15:17
Stuff happens. And I've got a lot of stuff going on right now. I seem to be accumulating more and more weight on my sagging shoulders. Carrying all that stuff around is getting a little heav… Read More
2016-02-02 15:16
I had my right Achilles tendon surgery yesterday. I'm back in my boot, non-weight bearing for the next few days, and then partial weight bearing with my crutches for rest of the week. I'm ho… Read More
2016-01-24 23:12
They say hindsight is 20/20. I'd have to agree. On successive days this week, Thursday and Friday, I had the opportunity to reflect on what might have been if only I'd made different decisio… Read More
2016-01-20 02:12
Delta Airlines got me home from vacation today. We were only 1.5 hours late today. Sitting in Atlanta, after the second delay was announced, I began having horrible visions of another nightm… Read More
2006-06-07 11:16
I'm struggling with what to write here today. I don't have anything new or interesting to report. Life is slowly moving forward. I say slowly because I've been bored thus far this week… Read More
2006-06-07 11:16
Perhaps it was your enthusiastic and supportive response to my last post. Perhaps it was not having to work the past couple of days. Perhaps it was just a matter of time passing. Whatever th… Read More
2006-06-07 11:16
It says, "loss of interest or pleasure in everyday activities." It's one of the official symptoms of depression.Yup, got it. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to write. I don't want… Read More
2006-06-07 11:16
Despite my best efforts the dive in my mood continues. Actually, rather than a quick dive, it now feels like a gradual, suffocating, slide underwater; really black, heavy, murky water… Read More
2006-06-07 11:16
Two days into 2016, and I couldn't be more pleased. To 2015 I say, "Good riddance!" While 2015 wasn't all bad, it was a long, tough year in a lot of ways. I can only hope for smoother sailin… Read More
2006-06-07 11:16
It's a big, amazing, unbelievable day today. Double digits. It's been ten years since I took my last drink of alcohol. Ten years since I lived in the self-centered, manipulative, miserable w… Read More
2006-06-07 11:16
I'm just back from a crisp, seven mile, Christmas morning walk with my boy, Jet. We usually spend time running, or as was the case this year, walking on Christmas day. I like the quiet, prac… Read More
2006-06-07 11:16
So today is my birthday. I was born in 1967. You do the math. I'm not thrilled with getting older, especially this old! Having had depression for 15, sometimes tumultuous, years, I don't fee… Read More
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