I know it's early to say, but I feel like I've really turned a corner when it comes to how I eat and I feel free from the Eating Disorder finally. Something happened and my whole thinking about food changed. My whole thinking about my body changed. I feel so free.
That's the tricky thing about eating disorders. You have a completely different way of looking at food and your body than a "normal" person. It's a whole eating disorder mentality. That's one thing you notice and are able to recognize after you've gotten past it and there's no magic trick that I can say will break you of that eating disorder mentality. I don't know what it is. I just know that there's no use trying to help someone if they're still in that mindset and no amount of stuffing food in them is gonna work to bring them out of it. It really is a choice you make between living and dying and maybe it's not even a conscious choice.
Another thing you notice after you've finally made that choice is how different the way an anorexic or a bulimic thinks shows up in the way other people talk to you. People mean well. Sometimes they have the best intentions, but they really don't understand, because they've never viewed food the way an anorexic or bulimic has and sometimes the things they say sound ridiculous. They'll tell somebody with an eating disorder, "Just eat healthy."
Oh, is that the trick? Is that all there is to it? Because for the past six years I've been eating two bowls of peas and a yogurt everyday or binging on an entire pizza and throwing it up until my throat's sore and I feel numb and tired, because I cared so much about my health.
It's pretty funny the things people have said to me. This man (who was a psychologist) told me, "You know you'll probably never be obese even if you gained a little weight. You won't be like those fat people you see at Costco."
First of all, what the hell are you talking about? Secondly, huh? You don't tell someone who is scared to gain 1 pound that they'll probably never look like Jabba the Hut, because they already feel like Jabba the Hut.
But it's not their fault at all. They just can't comprehend what it's like to have this death grip on life in which you're so scared of losing control and falling off the edge into forever that you just can't let go. But the moment you do just let go you are finally able to free yourself of that mindset and you realize how much time has gone by that you wasted holding onto something that is just gonna give you an illusion of control.
There's nothing you need to control that you can do by starving yourself or making yourself throw up. It's just a way of coping when the world overwhelms you. Saying, "Why don't you just eat?" to someone with an eating disorder is like telling someone with a heroin addiction why don't they just put the needle down and go out and be like everyone else. It doesn't work like that. They're sick and need treatment, but even still, until they accept that fact on their own, no treatment will ever work.
It's a choice you make.
That's the tricky thing about eating disorders. You have a completely different way of looking at food and your body than a "normal" person. It's a whole eating disorder mentality. That's one thing you notice and are able to recognize after you've gotten past it and there's no magic trick that I can say will break you of that eating disorder mentality. I don't know what it is. I just know that there's no use trying to help someone if they're still in that mindset and no amount of stuffing food in them is gonna work to bring them out of it. It really is a choice you make between living and dying and maybe it's not even a conscious choice.
Another thing you notice after you've finally made that choice is how different the way an anorexic or a bulimic thinks shows up in the way other people talk to you. People mean well. Sometimes they have the best intentions, but they really don't understand, because they've never viewed food the way an anorexic or bulimic has and sometimes the things they say sound ridiculous. They'll tell somebody with an eating disorder, "Just eat healthy."
Oh, is that the trick? Is that all there is to it? Because for the past six years I've been eating two bowls of peas and a yogurt everyday or binging on an entire pizza and throwing it up until my throat's sore and I feel numb and tired, because I cared so much about my health.
It's pretty funny the things people have said to me. This man (who was a psychologist) told me, "You know you'll probably never be obese even if you gained a little weight. You won't be like those fat people you see at Costco."
First of all, what the hell are you talking about? Secondly, huh? You don't tell someone who is scared to gain 1 pound that they'll probably never look like Jabba the Hut, because they already feel like Jabba the Hut.
But it's not their fault at all. They just can't comprehend what it's like to have this death grip on life in which you're so scared of losing control and falling off the edge into forever that you just can't let go. But the moment you do just let go you are finally able to free yourself of that mindset and you realize how much time has gone by that you wasted holding onto something that is just gonna give you an illusion of control.
There's nothing you need to control that you can do by starving yourself or making yourself throw up. It's just a way of coping when the world overwhelms you. Saying, "Why don't you just eat?" to someone with an eating disorder is like telling someone with a heroin addiction why don't they just put the needle down and go out and be like everyone else. It doesn't work like that. They're sick and need treatment, but even still, until they accept that fact on their own, no treatment will ever work.
It's a choice you make.
Anyway, there are so many pretty girls in Prague. There are so many pretty girls that come from that part of Europe. I wonder how much eating disordered thinking influenced by the media and Western society has effected them. I hope not much.
And how could a country that brought us the dish in the photograph be so easily effected by that? Yes, that is fried cheese and yes I'm gonna eat the hell out of it. Yum.
