The American election is in a few hours, as you may or may definitely know. the contest this year has been playing out like a Telugu film- there is a designated villain you're supposed to hate, but there is also an infuriating hero who you hope also dies a slow terrible death by the time the movie is over.

And considering how little of a stake Indians have in any of this, of course it is of utmost importance that we make our opinions heard to one and all.

After all, we're registered members of the Facebook Electorate

To recap everything we liked, shared and tweeted- both Trump and Hillary are rotten. Hillary is less rotten of the two, while Trump is Hitler reincarnate. Trump is crazy and will trigger World War 3. Hillary did something with e-mails that something something Benzaghi something something soldiers were killed. Trump loves Hindus. Trump said something stupid last week which will shatter your faith in humanity. Hillary lied once. Trump wants to bang his daughter. Hillary spied on Amitabh Bachchan. Trump commits monstrosities against black people.

Pictured- Trump winning a Slave Auction (Source- Someone you know)

And from such a thoroughly comprehensive research, we have come to our own (very strong and very vocal) opinions about the American election and who we're rooting for, and who we're making memes out of. Except I don't know enough. And I don't know what I don't know.

Remember college textbooks? Every chapter had a summary at the end of it- bullet-point endnotes to memorize because who the fuck wants to read 20 pages on Eddy currents or the Elizabethan works of Shakespeare? And just sticking to the bullet-points of chapters worked during exams, which explains why we are only reading the bullet-points of life today.

Except there is a difference- bullet-pointing in one case is done to exploit and beat a system, while bullet-pointing in the other case is done with the intention of actually updating yourself. It's gotta work, right?  Just like skipping the karate classes and instead reading the pamphlets they hand out will make me a legit badass who wouldn't get utterly humiliated in a fight.

"I am a certified black-belt in reading foot-notes"

What's worse about bullet-pointing the news is the news you're being served is itself bullet points (looking at you, Listicles). Because they only read the bullet points themselves. Then you bullet-point their bullet-points, swallowing a plateful of clickbait headlines and Facebook comments until your stomach is bursting with awareness. And once all this junk is digested into hot steamy info-turds, you squeeze them out 1 nugget at a time into an ever-welcoming toilet bowl-shaped echochamber, giving you that very satisfying feeling of accomplishment.

"Sometimes it feels so good I don't even flush."

In the end, nobody's smarter, because nobody's dumber, because nobody knows what they don't know. Nobody wants to get into the nuances, or do the homework and read the entire fucking textbook- the fiscal policies, exchange rates, free trade agreements affecting jobs and economy, or where the incentive for clean energy will come from. Why? Because there's a click-bait headline telling me these facial expressions from the Presidential debates are all I need to know.

Analysis- Trying to sneeze but it's just not happening.