2015-04-04 12:07
I don't want to alarm anybody or give the government a reason to institute a fair share user fee on fear, but I'm pretty sure there's something wrong with our little world (Earth). Maybe it'… Read More
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Helium Pizza Blog
heliumpizza.blogspot.ca
Satirical social commentary by Canadian humorist Vaughan Reid.
2015-04-01 10:39
Denmark is considered the happiest place on earth. Primarily due to its high percentage of Danes. And great beer. Great Dane beer. Which might suggest they make beer out of dogs. It is Carls… Read More
2015-03-28 09:39
There comes a time in every man’s life when he must travel down a new road. Preferably one without puddles. Man does not want to catch foot fungus. … Read More
2015-03-26 14:11
Throughout history, the Great White North has been known for prompting “Eh’s” and colloquial vowel abuse. In fact, Canada’s affinity for “A” nearly forced… Read More
2015-03-21 10:32
I’ve been married more or less for 21 years. I’m still not very good at it.I can hear the murmurs of disbelief. “But Vaughan,” say the murmurs. “You are our bea… Read More
2015-03-18 09:22
If there is one thing the United States of America does big, it’s everything. Yes, they enjoy giving colossal intercontinental noogies. Yes, they have a colossal global image issue. Ye… Read More
2015-03-14 12:49
In the year of our Lord 1814, my Empire Loyalist forefathers rode a herd of Bigfoot around thirteen spotted ducks and an angry, bespeckled goose to redecorate the White House. With fire. The… Read More
2015-03-11 10:38
Welcome to the hump-day giggle!Everybody knows sitting in a tank in a war zone pretty much blows. Hard on your posture. Hard on your hair. Sketchy WiFi and overhead drones create enough cell… Read More
2015-03-07 11:16
I am not a true man.And forthwith erupts the “Readerland” nod of understanding. A stark contrast to the reign of confusion my erotic “Fifty Shades of Vaughan” dreamsc… Read More
2015-03-04 11:19
Welcome to Helium Pizza’s new addition, The Mid-Week Slice.This is gonna be great! The main column will be coming out every Saturday. But don’t fear, we feel your hump-day pain!… Read More
2015-02-26 20:08
I want to be Canada’s premier humour writer.I’ll be the wind up your shorts. The twig in your hair. The itch you can’t scratch.I’ll be the buzz my wife hears with the… Read More
2015-02-20 18:09
I often receive email from readers claiming they don’t sleep well knowing I have myfinger on the pulse of society. That I’m on top of important issues and, with absolutely no reg… Read More
2015-02-17 20:17
As a respected social commentator with a conservative following of “numerous”, I must report how irresponsible my First has been in regard to her station and perhaps shorten my s… Read More
2015-02-17 11:51
We at Helium Pizza strive to provide you with the best commentary available outside of a litter box. In our bid to lead from grassroots to literary empire, we have consumed a lot of beer. As… Read More
2015-02-13 16:58
With Valentine’s Day lurking just around the corner, we at Helium Pizza are proud to bring you the first instalment of Ask the Expert.In this new forum, The Expert (played by me) will… Read More
2015-02-13 16:58
2015-02-12 11:31
400 generations ago, an ancestral cousin of mine sat in a tree eating a red berry. We will call him Bonk.Bonk had a teeny tiny sliver in his teeny tiny toe, keeping him from competing in the… Read More
2015-02-09 00:48
It’s tax time! Once again the Canada Revenue Agency wants to touch you inappropriately. Yes they are a bit loose with their love. And yes they can be a bit clingy with their zip ties… Read More
2015-02-09 00:47
So, Canada, which dastardly foe are we going after? Taliban again? ISIS maybe? With boots on the ground? Thing is, I have never seen such a high concentration of Canadian Forces ads. Ever. N… Read More
2015-02-09 00:29
The last time I was left unattended I burned down my shed.For those who happen to be the fire marshal or insurance adjuster or Doctor without a “Who”, it wasn’t my fault. N… Read More
2015-01-30 01:18
As a respected humour writer (meaning “yet to be indicted”) I’m looked upon to tackle the perplexing conundrums nobody seems to care about. I answer these questions knowing… Read More
2015-01-25 01:50
Fellow humans versed in the concepts of single digit communication probably already know we are well into the year twenty fifteen. Or 2K15. Or KK15. Or 2KXV. I’m sure with enough booze… Read More
2015-01-23 19:08
It is not uncommon for me to spend an entire day staring at the remains of a particular potted plant. I know how it sounds, but in my defense I am incredibly lazy. Also, the plant in questio… Read More
2015-01-23 19:03
I am troubled in regards to my money job. Now, I won't say where I work, other than if you just happen to be a farmer and your harvest was good and your cattle sold well and your neighbor di… Read More
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