Fuckboy

?fuc(c)boi/
noun

At some point in our lives, every girl has been strung out by a boy. A boy who claims to like her, but not enough to actually get into a relationship. A boy who claims to “not know what he wants” when really, what he wants is a girl to to fill the girlfriend role on the days he’s not out hitting on other women or snorting cocaine off strippers’ tits.

But where did the fuckboy originate? Well, while Disney was teaching young girls that the key to becoming a princess is having great hair and never trusting your step parents, Walt released Peter Pan; the original bad boy.

Let’s look at the evidence.

Wendy

No girl ever chooses to fall for a fuckboy. They always seem sweet at first, ‘not like all the other guys‘. For a while they make you feel special – like you’re the only girl in the world. But just when you  – god forbid – start to catch feelings, their true colours begin to shine through. Poor Wendy, Peter seemed so charming at first – he put the time in; listened to her stories, (albeit only the ones about himself) entertained her family. He taught her to fly and took her on holiday. But when he’s finally got her to Neverland, the relationship was on his terms, and Wendy had no choice but to like it or lump it.

Tinkerbell

Oh Tink; the ultimate case study of a girl strung out on a boy who’s never going to change. Tinkerbell has been there for Peter from the beginning. She’s stuck by him through thick and thin, the good times, the bad times, the whole Hook-Crocodile drama – but despite knowing she has the feels for him big-time, he parades his new bit in front of her, just because he can. Every time Tink comes close to calling it a day, Peter says something like, “Don’t you understand Tink? You mean more to me than anything else in the world.” – because of course he fucking does. Despite all her better judgement, (and the obvious issue that the size difference between them is going to make some relationship aspects logistically uncomfortable) she sticks around, hoping one day he’ll finally choose her.

The Mermaids

In true fuckboy style, Peter has multiple girls on the go – in this case, a group of hormonal mermaids who literally squeal in excitement as he flies over to their pool party. Leaving Wendy – a drenched mess – to fend for herself as the girls attack her in a fit of jealousy, Peter doubles over laughing, basking in the idea that he’s irresistible to all women.

Tigerlily

Tigerlily, unlike the other girls under Peter’s spell, knows exactly what he is. She’s had her fun, sure, as that side-giggle makes clear, but she’s not hung up on him. She isn’t phased out by Wendy, the mermaids or any of the other girls Peter has no doubt brought to the camp fire over the years. She knows her worth and only entertains Peter on her terms.

Of course, you could argue that Peter is just young. He doesn’t know what he wants. He’s just having a bit of fun. But don’t forget, he’s an immortal kid who, despite being on the sesh with his firm for hundreds of years, point-blank refuses to grow up.

Just like every fuckboy who ever fuckboyed.

Until next time… x

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