(Content Warning: mention of sexual coercion)
For Asexuality Awareness Week (22nd to 28th of October 2017), I asked on Instagram for those on the asexual spectrum to submit their stories to me. I wanted to do this to show how diverse the asexual community can be and to bring awareness to the experiences of ace people and those on the ace spectrum.
This first story is from an anonymous submitter!
To start off, my sexuality is Demi-Bisexual. I came to that realization about six months ago after almost a year of soul-searching. I'm out to my counselor, my old debate coach and two friends who are part of the LGBT community. I go to a Catholic high school, and it's hard to feel accepted in my faith and with my friends. But I know that what I feel is valid, and that thought keeps me going. Being on the Ace spectrum, I do feel invisible sometimes. It's not exactly easy to have to explain my sexuality to people. Being Demi, to me, means that I don't feel sexual attraction unless I've formed a strong bond with said individual. In fact, I've only felt sexual attraction once, but that's another story for another day. And, yes, Demi Lovato is one of my favorite singers 😉
The next story is from another anonymous submitter!
With the whole ace thing, I only really figured it out recently. I thought there was something wrong with me when I wasn't cool with doing things on first dates. I get a lot of dates, and I have been pressured into sex by ex boyfriends. But I am very assertive and I dealt with it. In year nine i came out as bi. It was strange, and I had a girlfriend at the time. It was only a romantic thing really. In year eleven I came out as a lesbian. But I started to realise I felt a weird attraction to my best friend, who I later fell in love with and had sex with. But it was for his pleasure only. We broke up after a while. When I started college, I looked back to everything and came to the conclusion, after seeing a post about it, that I was demisexual. But I guess homoromantic. When I moved 100 miles away from all my friends a few months ago, I met a girl and she brought to light that having dreams of having all sex characteristics of all sexes I know of frequently is a lil weird. So we talked and I discovered that I am gender queer or non binary. But I would want a penis. So I am genderqueer, demisexual, and I have a romantic and aesthetic preference for girls, and gender queer people. I have only told my tutors and a girl in my class this because I wanted them to call me by my preferred pronouns they/them/he/him literally anything but she it makes me feel a lil weird and uncomfortable. I don't know why but it's a lil weird that I'm only comfortable telling people that I'm a homo or queer person irl but it makes me cry when I try to tell people I'm ace or gender queer. Is it weird?
This third story is from @danielle.ramsay on Instagram
Being on the asexual spectrum has given me a lot of freedom in my experience of my sexuality.
I no longer feel confused or pressured to feel attracted to people, even my own partner. I do feel
attracted to my partner, but only once in a while and it only happened after a very long time of
being together. I understand why I’m uncomfortable with sex on television even if I enjoy it
myself. To me, identifying as demisexual and biromantic has allowed me to understand myself
better and be happy :)
Taylor from @us.ace.love.space on Instagram submitted this next story!
My name is Taylor, and I am an aromantic asexual. This means that I do not experience sexual attraction nor romantic attraction. I've known I was ace for about a year and a half, but I've only known I was aromantic for about six months. Before, I thought I was bisexual and then asexual and biromantic, because I misinterpreted no attraction as both attraction to girls and boys (which I've seen is actually quite common). I'm out to a few friends at school but not any of my family. Ironically, most of my friend group established prior to knowing I was ace and coming out is actually also ace or at least queer as well.
The last story is by Lani, who is also from @us.ace.love.space
I have decided since a couple weeks ago to go with the label quoiromantic because I don’t want to go with Panromantic cause idk if I’m just confused yet I don’t like Heteromantic because I do find love in people of other/no gender. And with being Christian all this is just a big mess and some days I feel like I should never looked into all of this but I always get curious of my different thoughts and feelings/emotions ah people of different/no specific gender can be so loving I don’t know what to do. I’ve known I was asexual for almost 2 years. I have came out to most of my friends as gay ace and my Mom as asexual.
I’d like to go to pride one day with my friends :) it’ll be some years before that happens sadly
Thank you to all of those who submitted stories! And thank you to everyone reading!
To everyone on the ace spectrum reading this: You're never alone and your identity is valid. There is nothing wrong with you. Happy Asexuality Awareness Week!
Goodbye until next time! ~Jay
