So this is basically a continuation of the last post.

When it comes to depression, anxiety or any sort of down-in-the dumps emotion, people think that there’s a very simple solution. They think, if I just tell them do not be depressed they should be okay. And not many people express it in words in that way.

Usually, it’s a long the lines of inviting you to hang out or do something and I still turn them down.

Why?

Because I’m not comfortable.

No shit.

But to others, it’s frustrating and thy eventually get fed up.

Which is stupid because I didn’t ask to be ‘saved’. I said I was depressed or sad at some point; sometimes you just need someone to talk at. I’m not asking you to be my knight in shining armour. I’m asking you to be a human form of that wall I talk to when no one’s around.

Obviously when you aren’t living through this you don’t understand. I don’t get it either sometimes. That’s fine. But you should probably learn to be a little more aware and less self centered (like me, HA).

I do get invited to quite a few events or things but I pretty much always say no because I just can’t right now. I don’t want to. I like being alone, the comfort of my home. Just quite and me. Silence and me. Air and me. I should have said I, grammar is important.

And sometimes it’s just like… I don’t know if I can trust you so I don’t know if spending time is worth the effort. Personally, I’m used to people knowing me for years; they know my habits, the way I talk and the way I joke and they know my history so I don’t need to explain myself. And it’s exhausting having to do that over again.

I know you don’t have to give a person an entire history lesson on yourself but I don’t prefer sitting there talking about small things, insignificant things. I have a tendency to gravitate towards depth in conversation and I find myself constantly holding back because I don’t know people well enough to have those conversations.

There are a few people that seem to genuinely like me and want to talk to me though. And I talk to them but again it’s still pretty superficial.  Half the time I’m so confused or thrown off that I mess up; I stutter and stare blankly because, what? Where is this coming from?

*sighs*

One of the most stressful things about being me is constantly worrying about the next person that’s going to talk to me. It’s so much over stimulus, I panic and shut down almost always. I’m pretty sure it’s one of the main reasons I have so much trouble sleeping and am always tired. Too much socializing required. Normally I would avoid a bunch of these situations by always having my iPod so I can just listen to music but I’ve made the effort to not listen to music so I let myself out there more. And it’s just hella stressful.