2020-01-01 21:13
“Well it’s 2020. We thought there’d be flying cars and shit.”Happy New Beer, motherfuckers! Read More
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The Famewhore Squirrel Welcomes Motherfuckers To S Blog
sarcastbastard.blogspot.com
The Famewhore Squirrel Welcomes Motherfuckers to Sarcastic Bastard. It's not easy being THE SPOKESWHORE OF AMERICA, but sometimes a bitch has got to sacrifice!
SARCASTIC BASTARD BLOG
2019-05-13 21:43
I want to rename Game of Thrones, “Two Crazy-Assed Bitches.” Mail me my check, motherfuckers! Actually three crazy-assed bitches if you count Sansa. The men just stand around and… Read More
2017-05-27 16:49
If you have a Fitbit in the Midwest, you're a fucking lardass. GUARANTEED Read More
2017-05-27 16:48
Church Sign: There is someone who is happy with less than what you have.SB Rewrite: Somewhere there is a happy dumbass Read More
2017-05-27 16:48
This is my new favorite response to pretty much everything: Bitch, don't kill my vibe! Donald Trump, you fucker, don't kill my vibe! (Too late.) Read More
2017-05-10 14:22
I think everyone should be aware of this (see link below). Okay, let me rephrase that -- I think my two faithful readers should be aware of this. Thanks for your loyalty!There are few groups… Read More
2016-11-11 00:55
And here's the main thought keeping me up at night: Donald Trump has "the football." Yeah, that's a great idea.Heaven knows we're miserable now Read More
2016-07-07 01:11
I think we're put here to love each other, but then hell is other people, so good luck Read More
2016-01-27 23:54
NOTE: Look, who knows when I may ever have another deep thought. Maybe I'll only have one this year. I can't be your guru, motherfuckers. You have to think for yourselves! DO THE WORK.I feel… Read More
2016-01-13 20:43
I'm just damn saying . . . .Actually, I just watched a documentary on Orion, who I'd never fucking heard of, and it was pretty damn entertaining. I'm unemployed now so I've got time for shit… Read More
2015-08-28 16:11
As usual, I wholeheartedly agree with Morrissey, and I am so sickened now. See below. From the truly excellent Morrissey site, Truetoyou.net:Morrissey and AustraliaMorrissey is aware that th… Read More
2015-07-28 17:30
DISCLAIMER: This is Sarcastic Bastard's opinion ONLY (even though it is totally on-point as usual).Here is a link to the whole wretched article: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article… Read More
2015-06-29 19:32
SB: So, you mean you love unborn babies more than me?CHRIS: YES!SB: Let me get this straight--you love a fucking fetus more than me? I'm going home, goddammit! Read More
2015-06-29 19:23
I've decided that if something happens to me before you go, I want a home funeral. You might have to shove some cotton balls or a tampon up my ass to prevent anal leakage though. It happens… Read More
2015-01-22 12:59
2014-12-18 20:42
Why do the fattest fucking people always own the tiniest cars?Uhhhhhh. . . maybe it's because they buy extra food with all that money they save on gas? How the shit should I know, do I look… Read More
2014-12-18 14:28
Grandma Peg and the Humbel Nativity My Grandma Peg LOVED Christmas. LOVED IT. She was nearly giddy with the glee of the damn season (SB calls it the Season of Darkness, so obviously my… Read More
2014-12-11 13:31
Why do the people we hate always manage to live so damn long? Is it too late to swap Cheney for John Lennon?http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2869337/Senate-torture-report-s-cr-say-for… Read More
2014-12-05 12:38
2014-11-05 14:03
Check the pictures out: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2821195/Republicans-way-victory-Senate-seats-two-states-hope-landslide-Democrats.htmlThey all have helmet hair and look l… Read More
2014-09-23 13:15
I watched Alanis Morrisette on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday last night, and Oprah sort of drives me nuts. She cuts in on her guests and always makes the conversation about her. And… Read More
2014-08-15 19:53
All of life is a coming home. Salesmen, secretaries, coal miners, beekeepers, sword swallowers, all of us. All the restless hearts of the world, all trying to find a way home. It's hard to… Read More
2014-08-14 13:47
“I care more about the country than what happens to me. But we can’t allow the law to become a political weapon or agree to scare people away from standing up for their rights, n… Read More
2014-08-07 13:51
I am reading Billy Bob Thornton’s book and really enjoying it. I guess everybody thinks he’s weird, but he seems normal to me. Angie Jolie’s intro was really sweet. … Read More
2014-06-13 19:42
"Fucker was all strung out and Cobain-y and shit."I'm allowed to quote myself, motherfuckers. I own the rights and all Read More
2014-06-04 12:03
YOUR CHALLENGE: Use the phrase I can't be bothered at least 10 times today.DICKLAIMER: If you lose your job, or have your spouse threaten to divorce you, this is not SB's problem. My ass is… Read More
2014-06-03 18:07
Christ, I hope so. The kids probably just plonk right out of her vagina at this point. She probably doesn’t even realize she’s given birth, until somebody points it out. I hear… Read More
2014-05-15 12:16
According to the Writer's Almanac, today is the anniversary of the first loony bin. Since it's where my fat ass is headed one of these days, I can dig that.From the Writer's Almanac:It was o… Read More
2014-04-04 17:31
I was thinking at lunch that my old dog, who is on her last legs probably, at nearly 15 years old, wasn't even born before Kurt killed himself. He has been gone that long--more than the span… Read More
2014-03-18 16:39
Went to the dreaded Walfart last night. Had to buy a size 14 pair of jeans. They are a little roomy, but the size 10s and 12s were getting so tight, it’s like my asshole was sucking t… Read More
2014-03-14 14:11
When I went to pick up coffee this morning, there is some old guy who reads the paper most mornings and then looks up from the paper, and if you are even remotely looking anywhere in his v… Read More
2014-02-17 19:02
I wish I had a damn picture, quite frankly. Near the Wal-Mart at lunch I passed Cross-Car Guy. It’s this local guy who drives around with a nearly full-size wooden cross hanging… Read More
2014-02-04 14:15
Ms. M: Yesterday when we were in the Costco, they were giving out samples of Cookie Butter (have you heard of this?) spread on cookies. We tried it. It was as awesome as anything could be… Read More
2014-02-04 14:01
All the fatties in the office (except for me) are running over to Bryan’s cube, because today is his birthday, and somebody brought in donuts to celebrate. It’s the only time a… Read More
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