It’s very easy for me to get sucked into the Trap of self Pity. I can look at my life and quickly become dissatisfied for a variety of reasons; I don’t have the freedom I want, the vibrant social life I want, or even the happiness I so desire. The daily meditation today discussed how self pity can keep us in our active addiction. I felt bad for myself – I felt like I had no other option but to be miserable so of course I had to use. I deserved it because I didn’t deserve anything else.

As I attempt to progress in my recovery, pulling myself out of the trap of self pity is becoming increasingly important. Like I said, it’s easy for me to be highly dissatisfied with my life and then to become despondent and complacent. It would be so easy for me to feel like since I’m not completely happy in my recovery, there is no point in even trying anymore. I must admit that this has been happening lately. I will make no public confessions, but I don’t have the clean time that my family expects of me. I’m still passing all my drug tests, but I’m also not healthy.

Why am I doing this? I think it can all be boiled down to self pity. I’m wallowing in my self-indulgent emotions and not allowing myself to succeed. Because things aren’t perfect, I’m not allowing them to be good at all.

Then I fall into the trap of anticipated consequences and this perpetuates the self pity cycle. I know that the things I’m doing are going to come back to bite me in the ass, and yet I can’t stop. I feel like I have already failed, so what is the point in trying to stop and fix things now?

I need to pull myself up, so to speak, and snap out of this major funk that I am in. Self pity will get me nowhere, but actions will start to help.