a development in dumb friend drama

I woke up this morning and checked the group to see that last night, the prodigal son (victoria) had returned to the group and sent an Explanation of why she was cutting off the people that she was cutting off (me included).

her brief explanation of cutting me, mitch, and the other 2 people off was that she didn’t want to emotionally deal with this the way she is now, but she went into detail for each of the people. she also said that she blocked each of our numbers and our social media profiles, so we couldn’t contact her even if we wanted to.

it’s none of my business to say what she said about the other 3 people, but her explanation of why she’s cutting me off is fair game.

The only reason I am done with you is because after I left the chat, I kept speaking to you, hung out with you, tried to lean on you while I was trying to not be speak with the others. Then you decided that what I was doing to them is what Mitch did to you. Not only are you wrong, but you stopped talking to me. I know that me leaving the chat and not speaking to others is something I chose to do, but I needed you. So here. I’m explaining why I left the chat, but now you lost a friend for it.

so okay that’s a very one-sided and self-centered perspective of things, let me begin to explain myself. and no, these aren’t excuses.

I do enjoy hanging out with Victoria and yeah I did hang out with her and talk to her after she left the group.

however, like I said in my last post, I needed time to figure out how I wanted to proceed. I really wasn’t okay with what she was doing and I hung out with the rest of the group for the days after I talked to her because I wanted to hear their side of things instead of just blindly listening to victoria’s side. I believed what she was saying but I also felt like it was important that I heard both sides of the story. I don’t think it’s unreasonable or unfair or me to have needed some space during that time.

also, she didn’t reach out to me to hang out. I was the one that instigated plans during the time that we spoke after she cut those 3 people off. in fact, a couple times when I asked her if she wanted to hang out, she rejected me. if she really *needed* me, she should have reached out and said she wanted to hang or talk or something. I get that I was her only friend, but she couldn’t have expected me to just know that she needed to lean on me, especially if she didn’t make any effort to demonstrate that she even wanted to hang out with me. it also put a lot of pressure on me to be her only friend, which is something I was kind of forced into when she cut them off. quite frankly, I was not comfortable being her only friend because I didn’t feel comfortable with the idea that she could cut me off like she cut them off. and I articulated that to her a couple of nights ago. she knew that I needed some space because I was trying to figure out what I was going to do…

…unless she blocked my number before I sent those messages, in which case, she didn’t know that. maybe she’ll read it now if she reads this post. I know she read the last one.

and I also didn’t just “decide” that what she was doing to them was the same as what mitch did to me. I made logical, factual connections between the two situations and came to that conclusion. let me illustrate it for you:

mitch:  cut me off when we broke up and offered no explanation in the immediate future after he did so
victoria: cut 3 people off when she decided she didn’t want them in her life anymore, and offered no explanation in the immediate future after she did so
mitch: finally said why he broke up with me, but only did so after a lot of external pressure from me and others
victoria: finally said why she cut the people off, but only did so after a lot of external pressure from me and others

her reasoning for cutting the people off was different than Mitch’s in the sense that his motivation came more from an avoidance of responsibility for his actions, and hers came more from deciding that they were people she didn’t like and didn’t want in her life. but nonetheless, they both executed it the same way, aka the wrong way.

the right way to have handled those situations would have been to give an explanation UPFRONT about why they were doing what they were doing. the explanation isn’t for them, it’s for the people that they’re cutting off so that at least they have some closure. it’s just common decency. especially if it’s a friend you’re cutting off out of the blue, it’s SO unfair to leave without even telling them what they did wrong. it just leaves them to wonder what they did, and that can cause so much unnecessary anxiety that could have been avoided in the first place.

and I think that the fact that I put myself out there so that mitch (who did the exact same shitty thing to me) could get an explanation for being cut off says a lot about how willing I am to stand up for what I believe is the right thing, even if it costs me a friend.

If the consequences of my actions were losing a friend but getting people some closure, it’s worth it to me.

(Also you can just laugh this off, but the main Music you now listen to, you found out about it this year. Stop pretending like this music is your whole life, your music taste is still changing and you are the last person that should be snobby or think they’re edgy for listening to it.)

HONESTLY THAT MADE ME MORE ANGRY THAN ANYTHING ELSE THAT SHE SAID and I know that she knows it was gonna piss me off

ok OK ok

she knows FULL WELL that music has been a part of my life since I was 3 when I started singing in my church choir and continued for 15 years after I started. I only stopped singing in the choir because I had to go to college.

not only that, but I’ve been doing musical theatre since I was 7 or 8 and continued doing it until I graduated high school.

and on top of all that, when I started getting really into music around freshman year of high school, I got Spotify premium and since then I have created over 200 playlists all with music that I’ve listened to and been passionate about over the years.

music is clearly SO IMPORTANT in my life. I have said many times since high school that if it weren’t for music, I would 100% be dead right now. I am very grateful to now be able to pursue some non-performance music-related activities in college like writing for an awesome music zine and DJing on the radio station. but my passion for music isn’t a new thing and it has been consistent in my life for basically my whole life. what a shitty fucking roast.

and as far as music tastes go, the music I’m really passionate about right now is stuff I came into recently. but that’s OKAY. people’s music tastes are constantly changing, I don’t expect that the stuff I’m into right now is the stuff I’m gonna be into forever. but that doesn’t mean that I can’t be passionate about it right now.

like I was super passionate about mumford & sons like 4-5 years ago and I don’t like them as much now, but does that mean that my passion for them then was invalid because I don’t like them now? no!! music tastes are ALWAYS CHANGING!!!

I’m proud of my passion for music and my eclectic and varied tastes, and a dumb, inaccurate “roast” like that isn’t gonna dull my passion for it.

honestly it just seemed like she didn’t have anything real to say about me so she just decided to take a shitty jab at my music taste

I would say it was underwhelming at best ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

she finished off the explanation by asking if we really NEEDED to hear that from her.

I can’t speak for the group, but I can speak for myself:

yes, yes I did.

~