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My Recovery Blog


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Self-journey to discovering joy and madness.
TBH
 10:10 amI reckon things that getting better, well, after the last cry and panic attack over my poor sleeping schedule. I slept better these 2 days in fact, by placing a pillow over my… Read More
 8:11 amAfter all these series of big woo-ha. Mental health issue greatly prevails in my family. Particularly in grandma. If you have read my earliest blog posts you would’ve gues… Read More
Many Stress Later…
Many stress later. I’m more relaxed and rejuvenated at the heart of batam central where I did a few things here. Firstly, I “raced” to the hotel upon landing and got myself… Read More
Some days I feel like I’ve got my life in order while other days I feel lost in the abyss. Mostly the latter, despite being able to grasp the idea of slowing down and be in the present… Read More
I Have Been Scammed.
 9:48 pmHave you ever been scammed before?Well I have. A whiplash in my neck from poor yoga formation configured me to do the unthinkable. For I lacked several brain cells that day.&nbs… Read More
Sometimes working in the corporate made me realised how everyone hated each other, or rather, at the end of the day, how everyone was conspired into ganging up and spread hate/rumours/lies a… Read More
​12:51Mainly owing myself an apology for many things for one, I neglected writing for the betterment of my future. Two, there are so many things to catch up on that I don’t even… Read More
My Dog Passed Away
Nobody warned me of the pain that lingers after the death of an animal. Specially when she’s been with me for 15 years, and nobody told me that agony and sorrow overshadows my daily li… Read More
23/8/2023I've been idle for too long, thoughts formed while swirling daily in the norm. Surviving each day slaving away the corporate world, staying "busy" at age 25 knowing that I'm close t… Read More
Today I saw that he has unfollowed me. Although it’s been a year, I can’t help but led out a few tears. Perhaps it’s the thought of realising or strong knowing that people… Read More
10:57pmThough I kept wishing to stop my mind from feeling the need to seek parental validation. I can't help but weep a little after dinner, with the three of us, eyes plastered to our phone… Read More
I am so contradicting at times, optimistically optimising whatever I can find. An opportunity arise and I cling sheepishly onto it in search for that glimpse of hope. Because I am hones… Read More
In this unprecedented times, you’ll start to think if asking for help is even worth the notion. Because who in the right mind would be so kind to lend you their stuff. After all, peopl… Read More
Pigs
 2:18pmDear me fucks. I'm back in the grip of obsessive rage. This time, the true pigs are slaving away in the corporation society. Never in my life have I witnessed such disarray, and… Read More
​1:13pmI don’t have time to think about my conscience. I am wearing an old blazer uniform, i am dressed smartly albeit the squeaky boots to heighten some length. But one thing I… Read More
I Want To Love You
7:55amThis morning I woke up with a surge of confidence driven up my mind. Feeling refreshed, I took a while to get out of my bed, not the endless mindlessly scrolling on social media kind b… Read More
 9:29 pmI'm about to celebrate living "peacefully" alone semiannually. This year thought me more than the past lessons combined. The biggest takeaway from this whole ordeal is finding o… Read More
​10:19pmThe four horsemen of Jennifer’s mood. Guardians of her temperamental galaxy. I am the mother of severe bipolar flare-ups throughout this week. Not a great way to start th… Read More
​12:49amIn a room full of fun chirping sounds of joy and laughter. I cannot help but feel lonely. Probably a sorrowful generation whereby we sing at hearts content, and voices speak lo… Read More
The Covid Killer
​9:10amSo I’ve gotten 2 strokes in the Covid testing kit. Should’ve seen it coming. The epitome of falling sick in the comfort of your own room, and the landlord went away… Read More
I Love This Serendipity
​Yes. It’s me. Back from months long of hiatus. I dread writing so much so that it drains my entire being, cautiously bitching about people and the government while subtly feedin… Read More
Such amazing "friend" of mine. Charging $6.50 for a sample size yogurt that I ate. How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child, and I even  bought chat… Read More
I want them to love me. Only it never seems to work out, does it?. So why do you keep running headfirst into the same brick wall?. It's because, deep down, there's a part of you that is stil… Read More
3:26pmDo you belive that human beings can change for the better? The sobriety feeling of absence can change the course of one's future. For better or lack of the worst. Though I've never com… Read More
I lost my way around this area today. Took the bus as instructed by low accuracy maps and alighted at the wrong station, only to walk 2 streets back under this scorching heat. Managed to wig… Read More
 10:51 pmI supposed these are the two crucial weeks in my life where I race against the clock to complete a number of objectives. Perhaps they are important because they are going to mo… Read More
Angry Bites
19/3/22It's been an unforgivable year. So far. 3 months into living high on blood pressure and increased cortisol levels from straining bloodline. I can't recall how anger mindlessly dominat… Read More
7:03 am I know not why I am so sad and passive. A lack of direction, as my impenetrable mind struggles to distinguish reality. Once again, despite in its waiting room. Patience wearing… Read More
Wildflowers
It's strange isn't itNo matter how well you hide Someone, somewhere, somewhat knows everything about you. Your hidden aggressions, DesiresLikes and dislikes, pains and jo… Read More
Big Bad Wolf
Mercury Retrograde:In a moment's breath I stopped frozen besideA still frame of you in the open skyAnd I fell into a brief dream and I'm lostin the atmosphereI found that death breeds hell a… Read More
Point Blank, Period.
How earth rotates and life moves pastime.How people are formidable, frightening yet unevil.How mind's perceptions assume the negativity.How people formidably defend themselves even when… Read More
Aurora
 Even in the darkest time, the beacon still shines. Therefore I hope.The stars will guide me home.  Read More
All lovers find their way homeWhere is my other soul?Perished into the ocean?Or still lost in otherland.Yearning for peaceWith battles to procureMy TwinDespite the distance and ambivalenceWh… Read More
 9:09 pmGlaring at overcast skies, thunderclouds threw a little fit before it drizzled. Fancy me thinks that staring at the sky could resolve my never-ending battles. Muttering to… Read More
I Want To
 11:53 pm/I want to restart.ButI'm running out of timeConstantly out of sightUndecidedly out of movesIntrinsically out of storiesForcibly out of touch.But I want to restart. … Read More
Work
333As I assembled my thoughts and attempted to paint them into a solid piece. I'd always wondered, am I even capable of loving someone or might I be afraid of losing oneself in the range of… Read More
Undo
 2:13 amGuilty. Because I knew at the moment we met, you were exceedingly lost in this universe. Guilty, because I knew you were already aiming for the fastest way out without properly… Read More
A Heavy Price
 1:59 amTime flies in split seconds. Coral waves of sea failing to blossom in their own unique ways. Life has its drift but I found myself drifting further away from home. Constantly pu… Read More
How much pain can a person endureBefore fate intervenesPunctured guiltWounded healsSore mouth & blistering gumA severed earWith an open heart,Eager to pleasethe beast withinHeaven forbid… Read More
Hope
 9:08 pmA desirous triple-digit day suitable for writing. While I attempt to squeeze my stimulated brain for some imparted juice - into words, of course. Time seemed to pass, not fast n… Read More
2021
12:00 amThe blossom of treesFresh phases of pineTouched by a love scentWarmth and cool breezeEchos of silenceSleeplessly embracing A new year ahead.An empty train of thoughts prevails i… Read More
Limits
I had a 3-day trial observation at a clinic, to glimpse their working dynamics before deciding to enroll as their employee. The first day was nuts. Of unity in a single organization. I have… Read More
8:04 pmThe suffocation of completing a piece of math assignment ends with a whole lot of epiphany and questioning of my existencial crisis. Staring down at the bleeding questions, I wiped my… Read More
9 Pm Nostalgia
 9:30 pmIs it weird to feel energetically nostalgic when a song comes on? Sentimental at play. Imagining drives at this given hour into the city exploring night life. Oddly missing late… Read More
No. 23
 2:25 amIsn't it funny? Dreams we once had crashed under a beacon of light. Divine interventions are no fun to be messed with. The saddest part of all is knowing things turn out sour in… Read More
Kill The Noise
Have you ever wonder exactly how many versions of you existed in this world? Perhaps my guts were heavily despised by others. Or that someone actually left a good word for me out there durin… Read More
Tasteless Flakey Crumbs
 This irony of a fake world we live in, where everyone just craves for affection. The people I've been interacting with prey on the continuous appreciation that they do whatever it take… Read More
Bubble Slayer
11 pmSkimming through the pages of my long-winded posts. Got myself wondering when was the last time I ever wrote something worth putting a smile for. This blog, as isolated and impulsive as… Read More
This Midnight Feels
The constant uncontrollable urge to start over somewhere somewhat is undeniably strong. Where people know not of my identity, but my appearance for a shape-shifting creature who maneuvers ar… Read More
This Is Us Colliding
The palpitation of my core reverberating with major sorrow.This bold ignited flame of ours melted right through the core.Together we stood tall, together we fought a war.This side of mine is… Read More
It's amusing how the title plays an important role in introducing my non-existent readers to my published post. No, I am not leaving the earth to Heaven (hell* cough*). Cue  Stairway to… Read More
The dismissal of one's emotion. Betrayal. Words of affirmation pour like a fakery taste of champagne bottle. How I should've known to keep my distance from the start. To determine the differ… Read More
2:19 pmI have no idea why but I do think about her... a lot. While here I am, juggling between completing an expected assignment and studying for a failed subject with my second cup of coffe… Read More
Muddy Monk
10:24 pmA little update on my con-current connotation. A formidable temper that leads to massive destruction of the mind. I've finally emerged from my anti-social regime and venture forth, b… Read More
"Little dee on a tiptoeWith a little yellow lassoWrapped around her neckShe tryna run from her worldBut the shadow won't let goNo wonder a woman like youGiven time and a broken heart tooCan… Read More
Touché
8 pmI declared an early break today, perhaps from the desiccated room with every painful breath. Wearing a mask is mainstream now I reckon, people no longer socialize as much as before and t… Read More
I Need A Shrink
2:00 amThe title sounded serious, but I can assure my non-existent readers that it's nothing of sorts. I was skirmishing through files from my phone for space clearance when I found out a pi… Read More
It Is For The Better.
6:00 pmI envisioned a lovely tiny house with a backyard with kiddie pool and purple trees. I picture myself providing all the love and affection to my kids. I neglect and have been neglected… Read More
A Moment Apart
2:10 amHands locked in aweWhile on our knees and vowsI need not dread When we begin sex. A promise ought to be madeShe protect till my last breathCommunication competes Patien… Read More
10 pmOn bleak days where skies bledI know not why I'm so sad.So I ask God to drop by for a chatWith every tear that I shedI questioned my ability to be ledFor I know with every inch of me th… Read More
The Formula Of Humanity
10:30 pmYoung children are like little tyrants. They struggle to conceive of anything in life beyond what is immediately pleasurable or painful for them at any given moment. They cannot feel… Read More
11 pmDay 1:The bustling streets of a compressed alley which reeked of rat poop and sewage water. Perhaps I've made the finest decision of wearing my blackened chunky shoes with me during thi… Read More
The Heartbreak Song
10:59amThe best heartbreak song isn't one with strong lyrics or powerful vocals that have the tendency to sweep listeners off their feet. Neither it is a sad mellow with soft piano tunes tha… Read More
The Ensemble Plays In My Head
12:08 amThe midnight introspection of Jennifer's overall existence.Well, technically still alive. Just a lot lesser than the previous 21 years of my being. Conceivably, my thick unkempt hair… Read More
SODUS
7:30pmSelf-reflections are a constant never-ending battle between trying to get my point across verses trying to make people understand my point of view. Perhaps a long solitude does its job… Read More
1:55amShe is an extremely caring woman and a self-driven passionate hardworker. She shows her love and concern in a way many people could not fulfil. She's generous and she takes great care… Read More
Seeking Serendipity Through A Storm
9:44pmThese days, I've been pondering over things. Or rather, attempting to declutter whatever stuff that is going through my mind. Sometimes thoughts overlap and shift back and forth which… Read More
Hyperventilating because my school work has finally spiraled into a pool of uncleanable mess. So much so that I'm many assignment weeks due and most of themThis unsalvagable mess of mine, wh… Read More
1am"Ticking away the moments that make up a dull dayFritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home townWaiting for someone or something to sho… Read More
She's A Rainbow.
3:08pmEvery little hope I haveAnd every reason I could findDespite running out of excusesTo defend the delicate heart of yours.//They spoke to meLike devils.And it works.They won.I want to c… Read More
Heal Me
9:58amThere is a gift in every wounda blessing in every crisis,a light in every darkness,love in every emotion,a silver lining on every cloud,a lesson in every experience,a service in every… Read More
10:10Christmas. I no longer hear chimes and bells and chatter of the chimney . But this woman sits all day facing four walls of an office under this cold descending weather. Sometimes lonely… Read More
Roost
Oh Oh you see it's meI am home nowHold me in your armsClose to your heartFeeling so oldI have been yoursFor all this timeLet me into your heartPut your hand in mineLet's get lost tonigh… Read More
In every world of chaos and monstrosityThere's peace and order established Far beneath theeEverything acquires balance That's why life renders Completely justifiable and… Read More
This Storm Feels Like Me
11:11 pmWill you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul?Will you still love me when I've become all scars and bones… Read More
15.11.2019Pre-flight: Well ransacking every travel essentials I could think of at that point in time.  And nobody at home greeted me with a birthday wish. Not that it matters, but birth… Read More
Sackcloth And Ashes
9:53pmEverything was fine.I was holding up fairly well.Till dawn.When angels retreat to nirvana.And devils rose from its Sodom. Everything breaks apart.That's when I realizeHow painful… Read More
I swear I was in love with you But sometimes words don't work the way we wished they would My friends said that you said that you rearranged me I wonder did I have the same effect on you Wor… Read More
All Hope Is Lost And All Lost Is Hope.
The absolution of one's insanity.Ever so surreal and intangibleDerealization, the act of being desensitized to one's surroundings.I lost my sentimental rights. I lost everything.Could someon… Read More
Je Déteste L'humanité
11:11amAfter everything I've done for you, sticking up and standing by your side through thick and thin. Despite roaring waves or difficult days, ask God, and he'll help me say. After e… Read More
Sex, Death And Pain
12:03amWell, well. Things have changed over the years and I've sort of grown to become a more responsible individual... I think? The old version of me, as you scurried through my former post… Read More
12:22amPlease calm my raging mindWhen I crave for peaceAnd longed for a sense of belongingIn this cruel hard world Read More
12:38pmAll men and women, he warns, play host to scores if not hundreds of different parasitic identities, each with its blinkered repertoire of behavior. A snub, a flattering letter, a no-s… Read More
10:10It is good to experience a breakdown once in a while because that is how we restart after shedding those burdening tears, we feel enlightened and generally better than before.But...It i… Read More
1:37amI have lost so many crucial people in my life darling it doesn't hurt anymore.I went to the doctor to get my mental health checked.All she sees was pure emptinessAnd nothing major.So I… Read More
I'll Tell You What Fear Is.
12:55amI hate this feeling. It is 1 am and I'm supposed to be in bed aiding myself to sleep. Yet no matter how alarming my meditation soundtrack prevails or how smoothing my plants swayed lu… Read More
12:16 amMisophonia. Categorized as someone who is hypersensitive to certain sounds like loud chewing, lip-smacking, pen tapping and last but not least, keyboard typing. Fucking hell. My ears… Read More
The Universe
2:26pmA universe is a magical place. See upon my death, the last thing I want to see isn't my possibly weeping family. They say that death is a beautiful ending. Of course, it doesn't always… Read More