Before He left, he created Pain, and pleasure, and intimacy, and passion, and submission and Dominance and lasting red marks.

For both of us, I know it was important to leave me with some marks on my skin to touch and admire as He flew away.

What He writes sometimes, is so eloquent and lovely that my fingers are struck dumb and I can't say anything in response.

It's true what He says - I don't ever know how He will decide to hurt me, how much, how long or with what.

That is exactly how it is meant to be for us, and how it must be, and how I cherish it.

He tied me tightly to the bench, bent over from the waist, so that I was comfortable, but barely able to move arms or legs or body.

It's very very hard to talk about or describe. It is, truly, the most intimate I have ever been with anyone at all.

He has to tie me tight, because if He chooses to hurt me beyond my ability to endure willingly, I will thrash about with all of my desire for the pain to stop.

What I absolutely and utterly need from Him, is for Him to desire and to demand that I go beyond my own ability to physically submit.

Once I can't control myself and behave as I want to, I do ask Him to stop. I do beg Him to stop. I tell Him honestly that I can't go on any more, and each time, I believe just a little, that saying this will make a difference.

It hurts, and I don't know when it might stop, or how it might go on, or when the next strike from the cane or the cord will connect with my skin.

The cord He used this time was more unbearable I think than anything. I thought the cane was the worst, but I think the cord is worse than that. It's a starburst of pain that seems completely unbearable. The pain stops quickly after impact, but if He strikes me in quick succession, for any period of time, I cannot have any control at all.

I don't know how long it takes when I lose the controlled acquiescence and start begging, to when I finally reach a new place, and stop resisting all together.

Maybe He knows this, and controls how long I stay in each place. This I don't know.

How long I stay in that place of begging and thrashing and wailing is something I can't control at all - being there, and then moving into the place of utter peace and submission is something that I experience almost as if I were watching. This is experience for me is not something I can make at all, but only something He can create for us.

This place of perfect and utter submission is almost magic. I would like to spend more time there.

I lay there, limply relaxed when He stopped making thin curved marks on my skin. He went out of the room for a while, and I remember feeling so blissfully content. In that place I know without any question in my mind that I have pleased Him. I know also that I have given Him every thing I could possibly give. None of the doubt that sometimes intrudes, no embarrassment or inadequacy. I float there, luxuriating in being His, and being perfectly that.

There is even more involved there for me... so much of it is hard to convey or even form words for the feelings. Trust, yes. That is the most paramount part of it all for me, but still there is more. It is a willingness to become open in a way that I have never been before, and cannot be without His help. It is truly my happiness and soulful satisfaction that I can give this to Him for both of us. It is both freedom from one's own thought, deliberation, inquisition - and a more profound knowledge of the same.

I thank Him for all of this.
My Sir.