Shakespeare popularized the term “unrequited Love.” I had no idea how frequently this happens until I started dating after 40.

People often ask me, “Why haven’t you found someone?”

I say, “I have. Unfortunately, the men I felt were a great match didn’t feel the same. And those who thought I was perfect for them — I didn’t feel it.” I had a few false starts with men where we both seemed equally enamored only to have the relationship fizzle.

I’ve learned it’s uncommon for both people to feel similarly attracted.

It’s hard no matter which side of the equation you’re on.

If you are the one Smitten, you may not notice the other person’s ambivalence. Some people don’t let on that they’re not that into you because they 1) like your company and want to see if they will develop feelings for you, 2) think that having someone with whom to do things is better than having no one.

Being a placeholder is never kind, even if it relieves some of the non-smitten person’s boredom or loneliness. But in the end, it’s not kind to get someone’s hopes up nor lead them on.

So what to do if you are the one hanging out with someone you know isn’t going to move into long-term status? I think honesty with kindness is the best policy. When I dated a man for a few months who I knew was not right for me, I was asked by his best friend if I was in love with him. While a blunt question, I said I was “in fond.” I told the truth as it would be unkind to say I was in love when I wasn’t.

When I’ve been the one smitten, I’ve appreciated when the man said, “I really like you, but I don’t see us together in the long run.” While it hurt at the time, it made me back off my emotional involvement and see that he was right. If fact, we’re still in contact, and I’m grateful we didn’t end up a couple.

When you’ve found yourself in a Lopsided Love dance, how have you handled it? Share your experiences and advice here.