Every woman dating over 40 says she wants a Nice Guy — you’d never think to want anyone who wasn’t.

Yet where’s the line between “nice” and “wuss”?

A friend struggled with this with the nice guy she’s been dating. Her date had invited a broke relative and his girlfriend to share a weekend getaway with them — with the nice guy paying for all. Upon entering the lodging, the broke guy immediately claimed the best room for he and his girlfriend, leaving an uncomfortably small room for my friend and her beau.

The beau said nothing.

She was not happy to be uncomfortable for the weekend while the freeloader was luxuriating. She made the best of it, of course, but was disappointed her beau didn’t speak up, politely yet firmly with something like, “Whoa, cowboy. I’d planned on treating my girlfriend to a romantic respite in that room. You and your gal will be comfortable in the other room.”

She considered breaking up with him because she realized she wanted to be with someone who would stand up for her well-being.

We discussed the pros and cons of being with a nice guy. Yes, it’s fabulous to be with someone everyone likes and is easy going. You don’t have to worry about him picking fights with anyone.  I was married to a nice guy for nearly 20 years. Everyone loved him. Yet he was mostly not assertive. In fact, if he was upset about something, I had to pry it out of him. If I didn’t, he could get passive-agressive.

Yet, the downside is their lack of assertiveness can leave you feeling he’s not sticking up for himself nor you. He will let others walk all over him. That’s not fun.

In my post, “Is he assertive enough for you?”, I share how I realized I need a nice, but assertive man. I don’t want to be the one always politely pushing arbitrary boundaries.

How do you feel about being with a nice, but unassertive man? Has that worked for you or not? Share your story and lessons.