We typically date with a goal: to find someone with mutual attraction. Some of us also want Love and a long-term, committed relationship. Some want marriage. Some want just a fling.

After dating a number of people and we don’t have the outcome we want, it can be frustrating. However, if we shift our perspective, we can avoid that frustration — at least most of it. After going out with 114 men and not finding “the one” I’ve learned a positive point of view is healthier than a negative one. It would be easy to say that there are no good men out there. Instead, I see that there are lots of good men, and even the ones who aren’t a romantic fit have other positive attributes.

For example, I had Coffee with #114 recently. He was tall, fit and nice looking, especially compared to other 60 year olds I’ve seen. We had a lively 90-minute conversation where he shared Stories of working in the early days of a widely loved international company. I was delighted at his stories about his interactions with the founder. While the coffee didn’t result in an invitation for a second date, he did give me some great stories.

Interactions with other men have resulted in professional friendships, and others have become treasured Pals. Still others have morphed into pals where we are open to responding to each other’s questions about relationships, home repair, or favorite hiking trails, as well as other input and advice depending on the other’s expertise.

When my friends asked how the aforementioned coffee date went, I shared how I enjoyed hearing his stories. One friend exclaimed, “You meet the most Interesting people” to which I agreed. I wouldn’t have met any of these interesting guys without our both seeking our next love.

So if you get frustrated at not finding your love match, see if you can instead shift your goal to meeting interesting people. The more interesting people you meet, the more chance one of them will turn out to be your next sweetie.

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