after a year and half together, I would have described my ex bf as a Robot. and then, i discovered that he isn't. it only took us breaking up to reveal that.
this is the Email he wrote to me after helping me get my motorbike this past weekend. he has never said that he wants to Touch me, kiss me nor spend time with me in 18 months. not a single time.
so much love and pain was expressed in this email from a man who says he doesn't love me. because loving me for him is committing spending the rest of his life together with me and just doesn't know if he can do that.
it's heartbreaking.
"I was hoping yesterday would be the first step towards being friends, but it was really hard for me, much harder than I was expecting. All day I just wanted to touch you and kiss you and just spend as much time as possible with you. I thought things might be a little weird, but the whole day was heart wrenching. It's not been a great week, but actually seeing you made me really realise much more what I've been missing. Walking away from you yesterday afternoon was the hardest thing I've done for as long as I can remember.
this is the Email he wrote to me after helping me get my motorbike this past weekend. he has never said that he wants to Touch me, kiss me nor spend time with me in 18 months. not a single time.
so much love and pain was expressed in this email from a man who says he doesn't love me. because loving me for him is committing spending the rest of his life together with me and just doesn't know if he can do that.
it's heartbreaking.
"I was hoping yesterday would be the first step towards being friends, but it was really hard for me, much harder than I was expecting. All day I just wanted to touch you and kiss you and just spend as much time as possible with you. I thought things might be a little weird, but the whole day was heart wrenching. It's not been a great week, but actually seeing you made me really realise much more what I've been missing. Walking away from you yesterday afternoon was the hardest thing I've done for as long as I can remember.
You're absolutely right that I was taking you for granted. The big stuff like the amazing adventures we've had, and the little stuff, like waking up next to you on a Sunday morning.
With you not telling me what you were doing last night, and seeing that you've changed your name on facebook, then you're right to think that I don't want to know what you're doing. Thinking about you means I can't really function today and it's going to be another week of sleepless nights.
So I'm writing to say that I won't be in touch for a while. I didn't want to just go silent and for you to think I've just forgotten about you and moved on. It's quite the opposite. The only way I think I can cope is to just not see you for a while.
I really don't know that this is the right thing to do. I've stared at the screen for hours now agonising over this. Right now I'd be instantly happy if you were to forgive me and we could go back to being together (assuming you'd even want to). Instead, I'm choosing to be miserable and alone - because of some imagined utopian future with somebody different, who probably doesn't exist.
I'm afraid now though that I'd fall right back in to taking you for granted, and I can't do that to you again.
I wish you all the happiness you deserve, but for now I can't bear to see you without being with you.
love, D."
