your lack of awareness around your own self, your own feelings, reactions and your own happiness is astonishing and shocking.
you say you have no interest in talking about feelings, about people, anything that will get us closer to eachother or anything concerning human connection. yet, your body and reactions are so different to that very fact. your words come out of your mouth as your mind and body are contradicting you.
every time when you have talked to me about something meaningful you have become warmer, more relaxed and more attentive in your gestures and your way of interacting with me. every single time when you shared your feelings with me, your whole body and energy has changed and you are not even aware of it.
the times when you talk about childhood, growing up, about your school stories when you told me about the troubles in your family, when you told me how you felt (or shall i say lack of) feelings for me, you have afterwards made Love to me, you have touched and reached for me. you were open and reaching out. the talking helped your soul get out a little bit from the enclosed environment you are keeping it in.
you are so unaware of any of this, it is scary.
you say you don't love me, but the respect, the patience, the help, the tenderness and acceptance that you show are more than being in love with someone else. hormones and fireworks pass, time just makes them all flat. and what you are left with is a person that has to share your interests, your passions, that has to respect, admire and accept you for who you are. a person that you also respect and accept.
and that is exactly what i am doing and what you are doing. this is what we are. you are not in love with me? you don't love me? this is love. how willing you are to do so many amazing things for me, like celebrating valentines with an amazing gift for me, when you have never done that before; love is going to high skyscraper bars and dressing up when not feeling comfortable at all just because you know i like it. that is love. these are small examples from hundreds of things you do for me out of love. and you don't even know it.
taking me home to meet your family and seeing that when i get along with them so well, you become more loving towards me. that's what you have been. that what your heart was doing and you are just not even aware. that is love.
you are comfortable and happy because things are just good? well, guess what, that is also love. but you just take it for granted. because you didn't have to work for it, you didn't have to do anything, it was just there for you, so you cannot fully appreciate it. or you are so scared of opening yourself up to the possibility.
maybe i am completely wrong and you are just that good at pretending. you are that good at being loving when you are not even in love. then, by all means, you should pursue and find someone to make you express more of your feelings.
you always wondered why i would want to be with you after you saying all of these horrible things to me. i do wonder myself sometimes, but i have never been with someone that completes me so well as you do, someone who makes being together so effortless and someone who relives all my stress rather than adding onto it. we have done so many amazing things together and we both love adventures so much, what's there not to love? you are so flexible and accommodating towards me, what's there to not to love?
love is being content, love is reliable, love is patience, love is support, love is acceptance, love is respect and admiration, love is help. love is also growth, learning and becoming better.
love is being content, love is reliable, love is patience, love is support, love is acceptance, love is respect and admiration, love is help. love is also growth, learning and becoming better.
