a Weekend away is that kind of cliche solution to a couple's problems.
maybe it's a cliche for a reason. i couldn't tell you exactly, but it definitely worked for us.
after a rough week of self doubt, endless thoughts, fears, questions about me wanting to be in a Relationship with a man able to leave me from a misunderstanding to just wanting to fuck it all and start having at least one affair with at least one more than willing man.
went through moments of despair and feeling hopeless, like there is no point in continuing because once trust is gone, there is nothing else left there.
but there is always something left. self Love, acceptance, kindness and light are always there. when you think there's nothing left, remembering that you're just a temporary darkness might not be as easy, but it surely is right.
i did't know what to expect from the weekend and there were many times in the week in which in thought the weekend would end up breaking up apart completely. in one way, it will make or brake things and you want to know either way. in other ways, because i was so drained from last weekend, i just couldn't face the truth - if the truth was going to break us.
instead, we had probably one of the best weekends i can remember in our relationship. not because we travelled to exotic places, nor did amazing things. in fact, the best part of it was us doing normal things: like talking about science, general cultural topics that engage both of our brains and that we both enjoy doing that, having a laugh and most importantly, talking about deeper, more meaningful things that affect our relationship.
for the first time, D expressed his feelings, fears and worries about our (lack of) contraception and how that affects his sexual experiences, as well as his anticipation and desire for intimacy. i always thought that he just doesn't really want me that much and hearing his perspective was an eye opening revelation for me that I hadn't considered before.
we talked about the previous weekend, he explained his behaviour and words, his thoughts and feelings. i opened up about how much last weekend affected me, how it changed my perception about our relationship and how much more insecure it has made me feel. just expressing these feelings, sharing them with eachother and gaining a much deeper understanding of eachother was amazing.
communication about these things does not come easy to either of us. both of us are very closed off and very scared to open up. i also told him how suitable he is for me, as i couldn't be with someone who is completely open and readily available for taking. i need a bit of mystery and a bit of working for it. he is, of course, a lot more hard work than i could have ever dreamt, wished for or needed.
but equally, he makes me feel more supported, protected, cared for and simply in the most capable hands in the universe. the safety, from every single point of view, that i feel when i am with him is simply unmatched by any other guy i have ever been with.
there is something that he has - his intelligence, his quiet but permanent handle and control of situations, his constant support in all of my actions and endeavours. i cannot pin point it. but all of these things make me trust and respect him in a way that i always searched for, in my entire life to find. and i always found weakness and cracks in guys that the more i knew them, the more i my respect for them died away.
and he is not perfect. it's not him being perfect that the trust and respect is connected to. i love his moments of imperfection because those make me feel human, and in those moments i can help him and those moments enable our connection to Grow. it is because he is imperfect that we can be together. yet, he is strong and reliable in so many aspects. and it is the sum of those aspects that make him perfect for me.
we were on a see through glass floor, up a viewing platform in the Spinnaker (Portsmouth). he jumped on the glass, knowing that will make me so scared because i was struggling being there in the first place due to my fear of heights, much less have him jump on the glass.
i love his playful nature, his serious nature. i love how continuously, since we've met, he has pushed me beyond my limits and made me grow in aspects that i really wanted to grow, aspects that i didn't know i had limits in, aspects that i was not willing to address and grow in at all.
and after such an away weekend, i do feel closer to him. i do feel that our relationship could have broken completely but because it hasn't, it's stronger now than it was before.
maybe it's a cliche for a reason. i couldn't tell you exactly, but it definitely worked for us.
after a rough week of self doubt, endless thoughts, fears, questions about me wanting to be in a Relationship with a man able to leave me from a misunderstanding to just wanting to fuck it all and start having at least one affair with at least one more than willing man.
went through moments of despair and feeling hopeless, like there is no point in continuing because once trust is gone, there is nothing else left there.
but there is always something left. self Love, acceptance, kindness and light are always there. when you think there's nothing left, remembering that you're just a temporary darkness might not be as easy, but it surely is right.
i did't know what to expect from the weekend and there were many times in the week in which in thought the weekend would end up breaking up apart completely. in one way, it will make or brake things and you want to know either way. in other ways, because i was so drained from last weekend, i just couldn't face the truth - if the truth was going to break us.
instead, we had probably one of the best weekends i can remember in our relationship. not because we travelled to exotic places, nor did amazing things. in fact, the best part of it was us doing normal things: like talking about science, general cultural topics that engage both of our brains and that we both enjoy doing that, having a laugh and most importantly, talking about deeper, more meaningful things that affect our relationship.
for the first time, D expressed his feelings, fears and worries about our (lack of) contraception and how that affects his sexual experiences, as well as his anticipation and desire for intimacy. i always thought that he just doesn't really want me that much and hearing his perspective was an eye opening revelation for me that I hadn't considered before.
we talked about the previous weekend, he explained his behaviour and words, his thoughts and feelings. i opened up about how much last weekend affected me, how it changed my perception about our relationship and how much more insecure it has made me feel. just expressing these feelings, sharing them with eachother and gaining a much deeper understanding of eachother was amazing.
communication about these things does not come easy to either of us. both of us are very closed off and very scared to open up. i also told him how suitable he is for me, as i couldn't be with someone who is completely open and readily available for taking. i need a bit of mystery and a bit of working for it. he is, of course, a lot more hard work than i could have ever dreamt, wished for or needed.
but equally, he makes me feel more supported, protected, cared for and simply in the most capable hands in the universe. the safety, from every single point of view, that i feel when i am with him is simply unmatched by any other guy i have ever been with.
there is something that he has - his intelligence, his quiet but permanent handle and control of situations, his constant support in all of my actions and endeavours. i cannot pin point it. but all of these things make me trust and respect him in a way that i always searched for, in my entire life to find. and i always found weakness and cracks in guys that the more i knew them, the more i my respect for them died away.
and he is not perfect. it's not him being perfect that the trust and respect is connected to. i love his moments of imperfection because those make me feel human, and in those moments i can help him and those moments enable our connection to Grow. it is because he is imperfect that we can be together. yet, he is strong and reliable in so many aspects. and it is the sum of those aspects that make him perfect for me.
we were on a see through glass floor, up a viewing platform in the Spinnaker (Portsmouth). he jumped on the glass, knowing that will make me so scared because i was struggling being there in the first place due to my fear of heights, much less have him jump on the glass.
i love his playful nature, his serious nature. i love how continuously, since we've met, he has pushed me beyond my limits and made me grow in aspects that i really wanted to grow, aspects that i didn't know i had limits in, aspects that i was not willing to address and grow in at all.
and after such an away weekend, i do feel closer to him. i do feel that our relationship could have broken completely but because it hasn't, it's stronger now than it was before.
