There are a multitude of ways to Love. Ways that need improving, ways that could use a bit of refining. Ways that hurt yourself and ways that hurt other people.
I know that I have to work on my expression of emotions. I know that I could do a better job of showing when I'm hurt and when I'm in pain. I know that I could be better at expressing doubting myself or doubting you. I know that I could improve the way I say things when, in fact, I mean something else.
I know that I react. Sometimes not in a nice way and sometimes out of nowhere. Sometimes things that are completely random can hit me, things that I didn't even think could. Sometimes I just don't know or have another way of expressing pain.
But you've taught me about being gentle towards myself. And being caring and considerate. You taught me about loving myself. And accepting myself for what I am right now, keeping an eye for what I want to be in the future and not reinforcing what I don't. Moving away from places that are not part of my own truth. And forgiving myself for my own shortcomings and seeing them as an integral part of who I am right now. My most prized possession is what I am right now. This is all I have to give.
Stories of the moments past I could tell you and dreams of the things to come I could create. But all I've got is who I am now.
I know that I can be stubborn and that I have a strong personality. I know that I can be demanding and that I can be overbearing. I want big things - big ideas, big gestures of love, big sacrifices, big expressions of joy, big words and big experiences; a lot of courage and a lot of dare. I expect to give nothing less. I don't like to settle. I don't want to be settled on. I can be immature, annoying, frustrating, argumentative and sometimes just plain wrong. I dream of being accepted for all that and more. More than that, I want to be loved in an unfathomable way. Higher than God's might. Stronger than God's mercy. Bigger than God. I want to love back nothing less.
You are the only person in the world that I choose and want to be with. In a relationship. And work on it. And be together and do all of this together. For all he ways that I could improve and be better, for you and for me, I would. For all the reasons that I could express more love and be more understanding towards you and towards myself, I would. For all the times that I want to be with you, I would do those and so many other things.
I don't just want a relationship with someone of the opposite gender. I don't just want to be loved, even if I have never taken love for granted. It has surrounded me all my life and I have been very blessed. But I want to transcend my connection into an existence of unity in love; the good and the bad, in the arena, in the mud. I don't want my life to be ordinary. I want to experinence the extraordinary at the deepest levels of connection at metaphysical and spiritual levels. I want to expore the edges of the universe in an embrace with someone. Not just anyone. With one.
You inspire me to love. You are my love and you are my reason for love. You are my motivation and my freedom. You give me the determination to keep going and constantly seek to improve and make you happy. By making you happy, I am happy. By making myself happy, I am able to give love. By giving love, I am opening myself to receiving love. Your love is uplifting. Your love is nourishing.
Your love is in my soul and my soul is in your love.
These are my wishes and these are my desires. This is my own path. My perpetual existence melting into one point of singularity - right now. Right now moving into endlessness.
