Dear you,
When or if you ever read this, you will know it's you straight away. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you.
I read things, I see things and I think about sharing it all with you. There are of course many people around me whom I actually share with. Because I cannot do anything to share it all with you.
I see people and I think about telling you all these crazy stories of people's lives. Our lives of course are no different.
You have always made me feel like I belong though. No matter how weird or of a freak I feel, I know that you will never judge me with the same eyes as the rest of the world.
I might not live up to other people's expectations, I might make mistakes and I might fail high standards, but I know I will always be good enough in your eyes.
There are so few people in this life that you make real, meaningful connections with. Yet I know that we both have the capacity to make meaningful connections to loads of people. Almost every connection is meaningful, yet none is.
I think about you every day wondering how you would laugh at something I was about to say. I think about how you would read my mind, even sometimes before I have thought of it myself.
I think about how amazing you'd be to make me feel better when I'm feeling shit. I think about the few hugs you've given me and they will last me a lifetime, forever.
The few, so very few hours we ever spent together were small in comparison to even the time you spend brushing your teeth in a lifetime. Or the time spent turning on and off the lights in a home. Random things, I know. But things that you'll do more of in your lifetime than ever seeing me. Yet, I feel I have known you for lifetimes. Plural is intentional. I feel people spend their whole existence together and don't get to share as much as we did of ourselves.
In stolen hours, in stolen places. With stolen feelings and stolen thoughts.
With a Sunday night feeling, weeks of work, a crazy year. You've changed my life in so many ways on a few occasions. I'm so lucky. I'm here miles and miles away from you.
Have I ever been near? You were always so scared to be too close to me. I asked and hoped so many times ... Yet all of those times distance in space was nothing but an illusion.
Our lives today are stuff of ... Concrete dust. All so frail and here to stay forever . Wind is helpless.
It's late at night and I might sound crazy. But you know I am and I know you love me for it.
I'm sorry for hurting you. I know I did and I know you think you were not entitled to feel hurt. But pain doesn't have societal rules and knows no ways of the law.
I cannot take it back. But I never wanted to. I care about you in ways I never thought possible. Hurting someone you love is the hardest thing. Cause there are no winners in there. I also lost.
I now know that I will never stop thinking of you. There is no way to fight it, try to say to myself it's wrong or that I should try to fix myself for it.
An issue or a problem is a matter of perspective. I choose to accept you in my thoughts. Make you empower me when I'm weak, inspire me when I'm lost and make me Smile so I can smile at someone else. One smile at a time and I know the world is a better place for it. Why not make the world a better place if I can, in the smallest of ways?
I still want to change the world. I sometimes think that with our energies united, our ambitions, brains and charisma, we really could change the world significantly. Together we are superheroes. At least that's how you make feel. Like superman, batman, wolverine and iron man all rolled into one. Should say superwoman I guess.
But then, who decides what significant is? The smallest of particles, a boson, a quark, they weren't even known a few years ago. In a quantum world that we live in, significant is very different.
Yet I know that meeting you has been significant. I know that the connection we have is unique. I know my heart smiles with joy and lust for life every time you come into my thoughts. Always empowering. Always making me happy. There's not a single bit of regret, not a single bit of doubt about what we shared. Thinking of you makes me feel more human than anything else in this world. Thinking of you makes me feel more weak and stronger than anything else. You inspire me and give me energy to smile again and again.
I am forever grateful for meeting you. There could not have been any other way but us meeting at some point. It has been such a great adventure. Here's to many to come.
Yet I know that meeting you has been significant. I know that the connection we have is unique. I know my heart smiles with joy and lust for life every time you come into my thoughts. Always empowering. Always making me happy. There's not a single bit of regret, not a single bit of doubt about what we shared. Thinking of you makes me feel more human than anything else in this world. Thinking of you makes me feel more weak and stronger than anything else. You inspire me and give me energy to smile again and again.
I am forever grateful for meeting you. There could not have been any other way but us meeting at some point. It has been such a great adventure. Here's to many to come.
