The readers of Narcissism Meets Normalcy are wonderful about sharing their experiences and viewpoints. There’s been a positive “rash” of great comments lately and I wanted to be sure you all saw some of the most entertaining comments recently posted on Narcissism Meets Normalcy. Click here to read Part 1.
‘Your voice is nothing special, now your brother, he can sing!’ That’s what my narcissistic mother said to me in junior high, and I believed her, I dropped out of choir, quit the school musical, never went out for choir at a college with a renowned music program…
That’s how Susan Skylark began her heart-breaking comment on “The Voice Must Be Heard!” Reclaiming Your Voice Long Silenced by Abuse.
She went on to say…
… I spent the next twenty years mumbling through the worship set at Church, convincing everyone, most especially myself, that I couldn’t sing.
Eventually I discovered she was wrong about everything else, why not this? I love to sing, and even if I’ll never have my own YouTube channel, I haven’t ever killed anyone either. So I began to sing again and even went out for the community choir, though I’m not sure anyone heard me the first year. And then through a series of strange events I’m now the back-up worship leader at church (it’s a small church with limited musical talent, they are desperate I think!), not only singing in public, but singing solo and a cappella at times. At our last church I was deemed a ‘proficient congregational singer,’ ouch! But since then I have discovered you can’t sing well if you don’t have any volume or confidence, I was fulfilling my mother’s words out of pure discouragement.
Music has been as vital to my healing as anything else, it is how I learned to play the piano! Whatever creative endeavor you love (whether you have any natural talent or not) get out there and express yourself and enjoy doing it. If you’ve survived a narcissist you have enough passion and pent up emotion built up to fuel a thousand concertos or novels or paintings or loaves of bread, it will help you heal and it will add a little joy to the world besides, go for it, create! I think some of the greatest authors and artists of all time have had a similarly harsh background but instead of deflating and giving up, rather they used it to fuel some of our most treasured works of literature and art. The works of the Bronte sisters (‘Jane Eyre,’ ‘The Tenant of Wildfell Hall’), Jane Austen (‘Lady Susan’ particularly, but there’s a lovely narcissist in every book), L.M. Montgomery (‘The Blue Castle’), and C.S. Lewis (anything he’s ever written) come particularly to mind, and if you aren’t much of a writer, you can certainly be a reader!
Linda posted this infuriating story on Narcissists: Stealing Your Hobbies, Appropriating Your Interests
I found my hobbies couldn’t be MY hobbies. MY possessions could not be MY possessions. As a small child I was really good at drawing. But I was told I was like my grampa, who could REALLY draw. I was never told I could draw directly. Then I collected Beatrix Potter figurines. Out of the blue, my sister started collecting them. Many years later, I collected Royal Copley figurines. To my horror, while visiting my sister I saw she had the identical vase I had. It was a rare vintage one, not something bought by accident. My skills and talents were not acknowledged as uniquely mine but “like so-and-so”. Things I purchased or collected were flat out copied. I had to tell my sister I could not have her come over any more when she first visited my new home I counted 9 times she pointed to something of mine and she said “I want one of those”. It’s like she was in a store shopping. She never said “Oh that’s nice, I like that…” It was “I want that”……
In The Crooked Path to Healing, Linda responded to Crystal with a story that all step-mothers who have been the brunt of lies and blamed for Parental Alienation can surely relate to.
In reply to Crystal.
I realize you posted a couple of years ago, but wanted to relate what happened at my step daughter’s wedding. She had 200 family photos posted on a bulletin board at the reception. I had been married to her father about 15 years. There was not ONE picture of me. Finally I found MY WEDDING picture posted. I knew the picture well. There was the two step daughters standing next to their father….and a little bit of my bouquet! I had, with scissors, been cut entirely OUT of my own wedding picture. They pinned up half a picture. When I went back to our table and reported what I had observed to my husband, he said “You are hell bent in trying to ruin this day for me, aren’t you” What an AHA moment!!!!
Just when you think you’ve heard everything, check out this story Ann posted on Narcissists: Stealing Your Hobbies, Appropriating Your Interests.
I Took up acrylic painting a couple of years ago and gave one to my mother. She kept asking questions about whether it was a paint by number – it was not… then you bought the canvas with the flower already printed on it- it was not… then this was a kit with instructions- it was not…
At first I reasoned that those questions came from a place of admiration for my work. Then she told me that since the painting was a “bit plain” that she added “bling, bling.” She had glued rhinestones on it before she hung it on the wall… in the hallway where people wouldn’t see it.
Your post about stealing our love of creativity helped me understand this incident.
I encourage you to always click on the Comments section at the end of every article. My words are just a jumping-off spot for you to share your experiences, your stories and your wonderful wisdom to help all of us who are also healing from narcissistic abuse.
