When you are in the midst of Loneliness it can be hard to see a way out. Loneliness can be so painful that it causes you to contract and withdraw from life.
So, let’s examine the state of loneliness and find out how we can overcome it.
Loneliness is defined as a feeling of sadness because one has no friends or company.
It is associated with being isolated and the core belief behind it is that you are a separate entity, unconnected to others or the world around you.
However, you need to recognise that loneliness is a thought and feeling created by the mind.
In reality, we are connected to everything around us. We cannot be disconnected. We are part of the world and everything we think, say and do has an impact.
This natural connection is not always easy to recognise because we are brought up in a society which emphasises the importance of individuality. We are encouraged to focus on being liked by as many people as possible, attract followers, see friends, talk to others – anything but spend time on our own.
This misunderstanding about loneliness arises due to a paradox which exists. That is, although we are connected to the whole world around us, we can only experience ourselves through our body.
The majority of us believe we are our body, so this leads us to feel lonely when we do not spend time with other human beings.
Yet, if we come to know that we are simply an expression of life experiencing itself through this particular body then we may come to understand that:
We are not 'alone'. We are 'all one'.
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(If this does not make sense at the moment, do not worry. But, if you are still following, note that you may understand this at an intellectual level, but this alone will not be enough to stop you feeling lonely.)
In order to transcend loneliness, we need to detach from our mental conditioning.
Loneliness is a thought and feeling. It is a reaction to spending time on our own that has been taught to us. Although human beings are by nature social creatures, there is no reason for us to feel unhappy when we spend time apart from others. In fact, it is possible to feel lonely even when we are with others.
Loneliness happens when we identify with the feeling of separateness that our mind creates. It is a reaction to the emptiness we may feel when we are do not feel connected to others and we are not distracted some form of entertainment.
Transforming the painful feeling of loneliness requires 3 steps:
- Firstly, we need to become aware that loneliness is simply a thought or emotion that arises. By becoming aware of it, we start to detach from it.
- Next, we need to recognise that all thoughts and emotions change. Nothing remains the same. Everything changes. So, the loneliness we currently feel will change too.
- Finally, rather than run away from the uncomfortable sensations brought up by this thought/feeling of loneliness we need to sit with it. We need to dive into the loneliness and go through it until it passes.
Step 3 can be difficult because it goes against everything we have been taught. Our natural inclination is to run away from things we don’t like. But, by accepting loneliness as our current reality and through observing it, we learn that it is simply a feeling that we have labelled as unpleasant and unwanted, and it will pass.
Nevertheless, it may be that our loneliness is a mental habit that is triggered again and again. We may need to practise awareness and acceptance again and again. By doing this, gradually the feeling of loneliness will become less powerful and we will be able to let go of it.
Once we have transcended loneliness we will see that it is a thought that we have unconsciously chosen, and which we can be surprisingly attached to. When we drop this thought we will discover that we are perfectly whole just as we are this moment. There is nothing missing. Loneliness is just another mental construct that is obscuring our natural state of joy.
We do not need anyone else to be happy.
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