Are you ready for it? The holidays?

The family time. The travel. The food. The gifts. The expectations. The arguments. The stress.

Do you have a self care plan for the next few weeks? If not, let me help.

I’ve got 7 tips for radical self care for you, for the holidays.

Depending on your family and what y’all do to celebrate, this time of year can be all kinds of things: magical, chaotic, lonely, hilarious, tender, frustrating…

But here’s the thing.

It’ll end up being whatever YOU make of it. Yup. I mean that.

YOU are responsible for creating your own experience. 

I don’t care how bananas your people are, how busy your job is, or how many things go wrong.

At the end of the day, you are still in charge of your own experience. Because, you know what? 

You are that powerful. 

You really, truly are. 

You are creating your own experience by how you think, respond, prioritize, and more.

Use these 7 tips to get through the holidays feeling more Calm, grounded, energized, and at peace.

#1 –  Put on your own oxygen mask first

Your “oxygen mask” is whatever self care you need to not just survive, but thrive. Listen. I know society has taught us to think that being “selfless” is all noble and shit, but that is actually a myth. Chronically putting everyone else first means you end up depleted, resentful, and probably sick.

Please, let’s agree to just let that nonsense go. Self care is NOT selfish. Self care is necessary! Self care is actually a GIFT to the people you Love. When you put your oxygen mask on first, you survive long enough to be helpful! Fill your own cup, and you have more to give. Charge your own battery, you’ve got more energy with which to serve.

So, for the love of all that is good and holy, just do it. Whatever IT is for you. Exercise, me time, meditation, a hot shower, journaling, or sitting alone in a dark, quiet room! (I see you, fellow introverts.) Taking care of YOU makes you happier, healthier, and more well equipped to help – and hang out! – with those around you.

#2 – Prioritize your priorities

Seem obvious, but most of us suck at it. Know what’s MOST important to you, and then actually do those first. Write them into your calendar. Treat them as important meetings. When you know what’s most meaningful and will have the biggest impact, you won’t stress as much about not getting the less important stuff done. 

Most of us waste SO much time on busy work that doesn’t actually matter that much in the long run. Pick the biggies, focus on those, and the rest is icing. 

#3 – Calm yo’ damn nervous system down!

Our ancestors developed the fight or flight response to respond to threats. That’s a good thing. Our brains are wired to go into high alert when there is Fear of physical danger, and then immediately chill back down when it’s gone. That worked well for being chased by saber toothed tigers back in the day, for sure.

The problem is most of us modern humans are living with so much daily stress that our brains are in constant high alert, releasing stress hormones that are wreaking havoc on our bodies. Not good. And the holidays can make that even worse.

Good news though! It’s not that hard and doesn’t need to take that long to calm our brains and nervous systems down. But you gotta do the work. Do whatever you need to do calm YOUR system down. Sleep. Meditate. Simply pause and breathe mindfully. Take a walk in nature without music. Cuddle with your cat. I don’t care what you do, as long as you do it. Do something. And do it regularly.

#4 – Be grateful AF

Gratitude is kind of like the anti-venom to all toxic and stressful things… It doesn’t solve everything, but it sure as hell has a great impact! Don’t just do it on Thanksgiving. Do it every day.

Write in a gratitude journal. Text an accountability buddy. Do it with your family at dinner. By practicing gratitude you are rewiring your brain to look for the positive and creating new neural pathways. This is incredibly healthy for your mind, body, and relationships. 

#5 – Accept your people as they are

I hate to break it to you, in case you’ve been convinced otherwise, but we can’t control other people. We can most definitely influence them or have an impact on them. But we can’t force them to be or do what we want them to be or do. Attempting to do so is just a waste of time and energy.

A simple way to create more freedom, relief, and inner peace for yourself is to stop resisting people as they are! Instead, simply accept that who they are and how they’re showing up right now is where they’re at in their life journey right now. And that that’s okay. 

You don’t have to agree with them or they with you. The sooner you accept that they are where they are and instead focus on your own journey, the more grounded and calm you will be. Use the mantra “not my circus, not my monkeys” if that helps

#6 Set badass boundaries

It’s up to you to decide what’s acceptable to you and what’s not. It’s also up to you to communicate to others what’s acceptable to you and what’s not. And then, it’s also up to you to keep reinforcing those boundaries!

People are not mind-readers. They won’t know what you want or don’t want unless you tell them. And you are allowed to make requests. Clearly communicating your needs and desires to others can actually be a huge relief for them, because then they don’t have to guess! 

Wishy washy boundaries often create resentment, confusion, and all manner of assfuckery. Not everyone needs to like or agree with your boundaries. But stick to them. Reinforce them. Be a broken record. Your people will adjust. And if they can’t hang with your boundaries, they might not be your people right now.

#7 – Replace perfectionism with connection

If you are someone who strives to serve the perfect meals, give the perfect gifts, and have everything go according to plan, otherwise you’ll be devastated, I challenge you to let that shit go. Seriously. More and more studies are coming out about the negative impacts of perfectionism on mental health. Self worth gets all mixed up with performance, and somehow if you fail you’re a terrible human being. Uh, no. Not cool. 

You are worthy because you are. Period, end of story!

Instead of obsessing about the details and needing to get everything right, I challenge you to replace that unhelpful tendency with an emphasis on human connection. If you love geeking out on details just for fun, by all means do it. But what if the important part of bringing people together for yummy meals and big get togethers was actually… the people?

Stop beating yourself up about minor imperfections, embrace the joy and delight of just creating experiences, and then focus on actually BEING with the people in front of you. See them, hear them, know them, love on them.

And, of course, love on yourself as well. 

Actually, love on yourself first! Because, self love IS self care. And vice versa.

Use some of these guidelines this season and I bet you will feel more grounded, calm, and present. Take care of YOU as a gift to those you care for. And do it for you too.

Because your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being matters. Your happiness matters. 

You matter.