Perhaps he's just Mr Ford.

Short story from a hospital chair, real update to follow. Soon-ish. Please render thoughts, my emotional compass is gone

While all of that drama below was going on we informed close family and friends of what little we knew and REPEATEDLY, URGENTLY asked them to not tell anyone until we knew something for sure. This being on an accelerated, urgent basis we were pretty sure that it would be less than 4 days and we could have enough info to let the cat loose rather than wasting time and energy on 4 rounds of little updates. Well, Mr Ford had other ideas. Pop was pretty sure that we weren't talking to HIM so immediately went home and called Family Friend A. Fortunately she's, ya know, SMART and told him he was speaking out of turn but thanks for thinking of her. The next day he called Queenie and practically bragged about it while faux-apologizing for it and she re-iterated: Dad, shut up. A couple days later we find out he ran into Undertaker Joe and told him. And Joe asked if he could tell Farmer Bob since he lived near our old farm and 'Dad' said yes. Farmer Bob knows my closest, dearest cousins who don't know. Yet. See where this is going? Day before we leave, Mr Ford tells his church gossip lady and while he's calling to faux apologize brag to Queenie at 9PM a sympathy card is found in the mail from hospice care lady. Ripped Mr Ford a new one, at least as much as Queenie would allow, and prepared for life altering trip.

Instead of talking out the day and preparing for what faced us 3 hours away in Buffalo we waste the entire trip doing damage control, calling friends and relatives dear to us so that they find out (that we know almost nothing, but will get back to them) from us instead of farmer Bob, gossip lady, or the Walmart Greeter.

Mr Ford has been entirely unapologetic and is STILL blabbing even though I DID chew him a new one while getting blood work prior to being admitted. And Queenie is all "Well, no biggy, it's out so no harm done'.

Here are my thoughts that will be mailed this week to Mr Ford: (Oh, as nuisance aside, I've been admitted for the past, whoa, exactly week here at the hospital!! I been a bad boy, you can't visit. Try again after COVID)

Mr Ford,

God has blessed me with Strength both emotionally and physically. He has used that strength consistently over the years to allow me the privilege of helping others through tough times and has allowed me to give Him the glory for the good he's directed me to. Now, however, he has chosen to teach me some new things by allowing me to be the weak one for a time. It is one of the hardest struggles I have personally faced and God has been gracious to surround me with close friends and family to hold me up at this time. This was easily the 4th lowest time for me emotionally, then you intervened. We asked you to keep quiet for just a few days. Instead we have spent the last 2 weeks constantly fighting to undo the damage you have done, yet you persist. Having to spend our drive to the Hospital calling people instead of preparing for what faced us took the last of my remaining emotional strength and I was admitted to the hospital in the same rock bottom emotional state as my worst day on-record, the day I found out my Father had died. You personally took one of my lowest points and willingly shoved me even lower. I am learning some hard lessons God had in store for me.

I learned I can not count on you, can not trust you..You betrayed my trust, our trust repeatedly. It was only a couple days, that was not too much to ask you to keep quiet. Apparently it was far too much to expect.

I learned that in my despair God lifted me up again through His strength and the strength others shared with me in a time of need. That did not include you.

At a time when I needed every ounce of physical and emotional strength you refused to honor the simplest request and drained me of what little strength I had left. I do not care why you did what you did, what you continue to do, but I can clearly say you hurt me deeply and repeatedly. The saddest part is that I learned that the emotional toll you exacted on Queenie over the years makes her cover for you rather than Support me in this issue. She provides the other support that she can but on this issue I'm on an island alone, you are untouchable. She will not even tolerate talk of this issue because of, what? Fear? Intimidation? What? And just to be clear, when you started with your attention grabbing and called her each time to brag about who you told next  she would get off the phone and yell at ME (vent) over your actions even though she is scared to do the same to you. Three times I was yelled at for your sins.

Another thing I learned? Right now, I don't want you to talk about me at all. I know you will just ignore that as well, but now it's out there. I do not wish for you to tell anyone, update anyone, say anything other than to provide support to Wendy and the girls. And honor their wishes, ignore YOUR needs and support THEIR needs, not spit in their faces like you did us. That is the least they deserve That is the only remaining contribution you have to give, step up to it..I have been careful to not burden Wendy with any of this anymore, be damn sure you do not burden her with it either or I will go from hurt to rage. 

Some time after all of this is over we may possibly start down the road of reconciliation but that will wait. Only God can allow restoration, right now in this low state I can not yet conceive of it . You have already wasted more of my time and energy than I have to give right now. Let me heal in peace.

In case the depth of the hurt isn't clear, we just set aside many of our own plans for the past 10 years to help physically and emotionally carry you and Mom through your most difficult times and the last year was harder than all of the others combined including helping nurse you back from near death. We did it out of love, we respected your wishes. And this is the response for all of that sacrifice, for all of that support, that respect. You tried to tear us down when we needed lifting up.

Oh, and by the way, Happy Father's Day. Mr Ford

Jeff