13 days old. He latched for the longest time today. Ms.S. feels the divided attention so she came and pushed her head on my lap while I fed her brother. We read a book together. I Kissed her forehead. Half an hour later I told my husband to put her to sleep. Separately.

She murmured, “mummy”. I felt guilty.

On the other hand the new Born was on a shriek roll, so he kept whining every 10 mins. I kept a buckwheat pillow next to S, she embraced it. I kissed her once again.

The new born slept and was shifted to the cot, but he wouldn’t stop. So he is now next to me, with my index finger held tight. Not a shriek i’ve heard in an hour now.

Weird is the feeling I’m going through now. To divide equal love between pieces of my heart.

Guilt and glee. Its going to be a long journey full of opposing emotions.

But that’s what I guess Im supposed to do.

Test my motherly limits!