It's been a while since I have had internet credit, and a lot has happened in my neck of the woods. First things first, I am NOT knocked up from my drunken night out.. which is always a bonus I guess. AND I had 12 bottles of moscato delivered to me for free! All the better excuses to have more wine.. which, by the way, I Happen to have a lot of at the moment. This may or may not be a good thing. Three days ago it wasn't such a good thing. Especially at lunchtime. Especially at my friends house.. especially with her parents there. ESPECIALLY when I somehow didn't notice I was the only one drinking. Uh huh.. yep, it happened JUST like that. But it DID get me thinking about what the etiquette is for drinking, because clearly I need a lesson or two. But not from my mates; who have managed to accomplish the following:
- Never decide to have a bonfire. And if you do, try not to have one in your backyard, and TRY to get some kindling first. If you haven't managed to find a better spot, or get some kindling it's probably best that you cancel the bonfire idea altogether.. because it could end up being very expensive. Some things that are flammable, and not intended for bonfires include the following: Your tupperware. Your dining chairs. Your coffee Table. Your Kitchen Table. Your neighbours kitchen table. Your lounge suite, and your wheelbarrow. Just so you know
- Never try and steal a boat. And if you do try, it may not be a good idea to knock on the owners door and politely tell them that that is what you intend to do first. And IF you decide to be that silly, it's best you don't tell them exactly what your name is, and where you are staying so you can catch up for a coffee and tim tams the next day. It is also advisable that you know that police can and do get warrants to search your tent, and they WILL knock on your flap when you are severely hungover at daybreak.. whether you happen to be sleeping naked or not.
- Remember who your other half is, and when you enter a decor shop together keep an eye on him. Because you may find yourself looking at products, and he may just move on elsewhere. Best you be checking faces, as you wouldn't want to sidle up to someone else, run your hands across their ass and whisper 'hey hunni' into their ear.. especially if their wife is standing right next to him, and your partner is standing 5 metres away pissing himself laughing. Especially in broad daylight where the entire store can see you, and the shop assistant that will be serving you directly. You could end up red faced, so don't do it..
- Never order absolutely everything off of the McDonalds menu
- Never play truth or dare.. ever. Apart form spilling your best kept secrets, you could end up with a very uncomfortable feeling. If you choose to accept 'dare' to keep your integrity, make sure no-one happens to Dare you to streak across the road, touch the fence, and run back. Because you could possibly get to the fence, realise your neighbours are in the back of their ute getting frisky.. accidently look them in the eye, and run back to find your mates have locked you out the front underneath a streetlight. And if you happen to be a guy, make damn sure it's not cold outside first
I think the etiquette is pretty clear- and I think my mates have it perfectly sorted out
This post first appeared on Tantrums Of A Self Confessed Bitch, please read the originial post: here
