As I’ve gotten older (but never wiser), I expected the hot flashes, mood swings and irritability. What I didn’t expect was that my age would turn my hair into a mortal enemy. Eac… Read More

I’m at the point where each doctor visit starts with “Well, at your age…”. I need to get my liver rotated, my heart valves oiled, my lung filters changed and I need… Read More

It was the Christmas season as I wandered the aisles at Gibson’s Discount Center with a $5 bill crumpled in my pocket. It was 1975 and parents didn’t care if their 7-year-old wan… Read More

It was the Cabbage Patch Kid frenzy of ’83 and parents had lost their dang minds. I was a young mother and didn’t think my 6-month-old daughter needed the trendy toy of the year… Read More

One cool November morning, Mom twisted my blonde hair into two braids and painted my face with orange and blue stripes. I put on a fringed vest made from a paper grocery bag (decorated with… Read More

Depending on who you ask, aliens have either 1) frequently visited our planet, 2) never visited our planet, or 3) are currently running our planet. It’s been quite a year for Uniden… Read More

There are lots of people in this world who scare me, like toddlers, Christian nationalists and the barista who always compliments my shirt, even when I’m wearing a blood-stained hoodie… Read More

My dog Jedi started barking at cars. All the time. I don’t know why but my best guess is she a) hates cars, b) loves cars, c) wants to scare cars or d) she needs a ride to Petsmart to… Read More

If you’d told me 20 years ago that I’d be a yoga instructor, I’d have laughed hard enough to tear a hamstring because I was very inflexible.  I took my first yog… Read More

First, robots came for assembly line workers. Then they came for agricultural and warehouse jobs. Then a cyborg assassin time-traveled from 2029 to 1984 to kill Sarah Connor. What will artif… Read More

Polish your teapots, iron your doilies and butter your crumpets. For the first time in 70 years, an English monarch will be crowned and the whole world will tune in to see if King Charles II… Read More

Although I don’t like crowds, parades or people, in general, when my husband suggested we attend the Pride Parade last month in Salt Lake, I painted a rainbow on my face, donned my &ld… Read More

Women who work outside the home are supernatural shapeshifters. One minute they’re closing the deal on a $5-million property and the next minute they’re on the phone with their 5… Read More

Fear sells, but why does the food industry use anxiety to sell products? I mean, if there’s one thing the seven billion people on this planet agree on, it’s that we need food. (A… Read More

When my kids were little, I did a bit of substitute teaching. After I accidentally threw an encyclopedia and flipped a desk over, I realized teaching elementary school probably wasn’t… Read More

Like a mother in a Disney movie, my cell phone died inexplicably. Well, not inexplicably. I dropped it in the toilet. I was wearing jeans for the first time in seven months and ha… Read More

At this very moment, Donald Trump’s attorneys are filing lawsuits and spreading COVID as they ask judges for an election re-do. The entire world is witnessing a meltdown of Pompeii-ish… Read More

Well, 2020 finally broke me. I’m overwhelmed, worried about COVID, stressed about the election, climate change, immigration and poverty, and disillusioned to learn Ellen DeGeneres is a… Read More

It’s been a decade since COVID-19 reached our shores, ushering in 45 years of hand sanitizer, remote learning and face mask protesters sporting apostrophe-addled signs like “Your… Read More

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For the last five months, we’ve been locked up with our families for 17 years. Each day is another long, hot trek to bedtime. Parents break their brains thinking up creative ways t… Read More

Did someone drop America on its head? Instead of celebrating the birth of our country, I feel we should stage an intervention. Leadership has not only gone off the rails, its torn up the… Read More

In a subtle attempt to calm me down, my husband enrolled me in a mediation course. I love meditation, in theory, and had a random practice that included meditating in bed, grocery store line… Read More

As soon as COVID-19 hovered in the air we breathe, I went into full-on “Gone With the Wind” Scarlett O’Hara mode, ripping up bedsheets to make toilet paper and stockpiling… Read More

As the mother of four daughters, and grandma to several granddaughters, I’m frequently asked (okay, twice) what advice I’d give to young women. Women are stronger than ever befor… Read More

I blame Love’s Baby Soft for destroying my archeological career. Up until I started spritzing the perfume popular with the seventh-grade girls in my class, I’d never given any th… Read More

Are we laughing or crying?  Over the last three years, I’ve often felt like Vizzini from “The Princess Bride” where he constantly says things are “Inconceivable!… Read More

Unless you’ve been living in the Gobi Desert, hiding from the toxic political atmosphere, you’re well aware that Bravo will air the “Real Housewives of Salt Lake City&rdquo… Read More

It’s the time of year people pretend “The Nutcracker” ballet is a fun holiday activity. If you’re one of the lucky few who never sat through this weird production inv… Read More

Sandwiched between October and December, November is the bologna of months. Everyone pulls it out, gives it a sniff, then tosses it in the trash. Once Halloween is over, we blast into a fren… Read More

We all know Halloween is funded by Big Dental to create more cavities but it’s also true that Halloween traditions started long before lobbyists destroyed the planet. Black cats, pu… Read More

I’m stating right up front I hate vaccinations. I’m not an anti-vaxxer, I’m just more afraid of getting a tetanus shot than dying a horribly painful death. My dad scarred… Read More

Ringo the Dog came to live with us 10 years ago and I’ve mentioned his crazy antics often over the years, including, but not limited to: The night he ate our couch. The day he chewed t… Read More

When I was a kid, seat belts were weapons used to smack your siblings. We’d sit on opposite sides of our Chevy Station Wagon and relentlessly attack each other. We never used them to s… Read More

One of my favorite writers, Anne Lamott, said, “Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” I think of this when I’m feeling glitc… Read More

Sitting in the petri dish of a playground at a nearby fast-food chain, I watch my grandkids jump around like just-released-into-the-wild baboons. Like every other adult in the room, I hoped… Read More

After happily drying our clothes for a decade, our dryer hit its tweenage years and started giving us the silent treatment. It would only work when we said magic words or used pliers to wran… Read More

If you heard a loud groan echoing through the stratosphere, it wasn’t our planet finally imploding, it was the sound of millions of people rolling off their couches to start an exercis… Read More

As our country devolves into a 24/7 protest, people are casting their eyes to the stars. They’re either hoping for a) an asteroid to hit the planet, b) our alien overlords to save us f… Read More

Now that we’re almost empty nesters, my husband tentatively suggested that we destroy Christmas. We were cuddling in front of the TV when he whispered, “Do you think it’s t… Read More

It turns out that some scientists think we’re headed for a mass extinction. Merry Christmas! I guess our greedy attitude about the world’s resources is taking its toll on the oce… Read More

Now that Facebook has become a year-round newsletter, packed with enough posts to make us feel miserable all year long, can we finally call it quits on those dreadful holiday letters? I unde… Read More

Every year on November 30, while my girls slept, I’d spend the evening putting up Christmas decorations. I’d place every Santa just so and every angel just right. My daughters wo… Read More

At what point does the preparation of Thanksgiving dinner get handed over to the next generation? Is there a statute explaining the process of turning the oven mitts over to the daughters/so… Read More

I’ve never been one to follow fad diets. I like food too much to limit my choices to cabbage, grapefruit and a toxic drink of lemon, maple syrup and cayenne pepper. I’m pretty su… Read More

Thanksgiving is a day of stress, even in the best of times, but Thanksgiving 2018 could take the cake. . . er . . pie. Dinner conversations have become landmines. Relationships are as strain… Read More

Trunks are super useful. If you’re an elephant, they’re a necessity. If you want to change a tire, hide Christmas gifts or transport a body, trunks are invaluable. But I don&rsqu… Read More

Every autumn, as I reconstructed our home after three months of child infestation, my daughters settled into their school classes and thoughts turned to Halloween. More specifically, though… Read More

There was a time, before we got all jaded and grumpy, that our main purpose was to have fun. As kids, we jumped out of bed every morning, eager to find the best ways to a) get candy, b) mee… Read More

I’ve sensed a disturbance in society. A dark shadowy figure looms across the country, demanding loyalty from all those around him. A powerful force instigates unrest, encourages outrag… Read More

We’ve become an unpleasant people. All the commons, like courtesy, sense, knowledge and good, aren’t nearly as prevalent as they should be. But we’re Americans! We&rsq… Read More

Everything about camping is wrong. There’s a reason we stopped living nomadic lifestyles and built homes for our families. By taking your family camping, you’re pushing back thou… Read More

I remember summer vacation. Used to be, the school bell rang and we’d dash from our seats like cheetahs chasing a tasty gazelle. We were free! Three months of laziness! Now. Boo. The k… Read More

As a child growing up in a strict Mormon household in the ‘70s, I spent most of my day trying not to unintentionally invite Satan into our home. It was a struggle because according to… Read More

Back when Paleolithic man ruled the world, humans only learned what was happening outside their cave when another caveman rode into town on his velociraptor. Soon, dinosaurs evolved into hor… Read More

Baseball has been America’s favorite pastime for more than 150 years, followed closely by gun control debates, reality TV and overeating. There’s just something about sitting in… Read More

I just learned that when I was a child, my parents were criminals. That’s a lot to take in when you thought your mom and dad were law-abiding citizens—more or less. I had no id… Read More

Thank goodness children live with you for more than a decade before they become teenagers, because if couples were handed a teenage girl right off the bat, no one would ever have childr… Read More

This year, I turn 50. Half a freakin’ century. I’m older than ATMs, GPS and Prozac. Beauty editors love to give older women advice about what they should and shouldn’t wear… Read More

In an alternate universe, I’m a prima ballerina. I’m performing jetes and arabesques and other fancy-sounding French words. I’m twirling across the stage in a flowing costu… Read More

We all have that one friend whose life could be a Hallmark movie. She spends her days organizing family sing-a-longs, has slow-motion snowball fights, and she snuggles with he… Read More

January is #1 on my list of Top 10 Months I Hate. Once Christmas is cleaned up and the work holidays are over, there’s no reason to put up with January’s cold, blizzardy, moody a… Read More

In less than three weeks, it will be Halloween. You’re running out of time to plan an unforgettable, totally unique Halloween party that will set you apart from all the boring sugar co… Read More

It’s 3 a.m. I’m awake. Again. My mind quivers like a raccoon on Red Bull, forcing me to think about a) Christmas shopping, b) the end of the world, c) my Halloween cos… Read More

On Sunday, two dozen NFL teams demonstrated an act of nonviolent protest– and the country lost its shit. During the national anthem (you know, that five-minute block of time when you s… Read More

I took a summer break from writing this blog so I could have a mental breakdown. Now I can check that off my list of things to do and get back to some smart-ass blogging. As you’re awa… Read More

Remember in “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” when the Grinch has raided the Who’s village, taken all their food and gifts, and stands on the top of Mount Crumpit waiting fo… Read More

No one told me once I started practicing yoga, it would destroy my life. I wish someone had mentioned the potential side effects before I took my first class. But it’s done and I can&r… Read More

Congress is too worried about pissing off big medical, pharmaceutical and insurance companies to fix healthcare. Instead of curing a dying healthcare system, Congress sits on its chest slow… Read More

Working for a government agency, and just living on planet Earth, I have suffered through  PowerPoint presentations that could be listed as war crimes. Here are some tips on how to use… Read More

Trump adviser and covert-appliance specialist Kellyanne Conway recently warned Americans that the CIA has discovered a way to turn microwaves into cameras with the intent to gather delicious… Read More

So you have a spouse. Now what do you do? Marriage is much more than mindlessly irritating the person you love for the rest of your life. Marriage is a sacred bond that states you promise to… Read More

While The Donald sits in the Oval Office signing executive orders meant to divert and distract our attention, I wake up each morning waiting to see if we’ve nuked anyone yet. So far, s… Read More