There are few things I fear more than my Husband falling ill. It would  take two babies with simultaneous projectile vomiting and Swedish measles at 3 am to come close to a husband that has a touch of the sniffles. I would rather contract a rare form of viral conjunctivitis that affects all three eyes at once than deal with a husband who has an ” upset tummy”. For the will of god’s good foot soldiers up in heaven, I would rather scoop loose baby turds out the bath tub with my bare nostril than have a husband stay home with diarrhea. Very vocal diarrhea. Diarrhea with sound effects and visuals. The 5 D diarrhea experience. I may as well contract the diarrhea myself.  You see my husband is an obsessive sick-sharer. Not only is he man flu’s original poster boy, he likes it to be known his exact symptoms and enjoys an ongoing diagnostic narrative throughout his illnesses. All this is tolerable with colds and injured (read- very slightly injured-) limbs, but today was our first Daddy diarrhea day. Husband is also an honorary member of the little known medical research theological thesis team in support of the notion”It must be coming out for a reason”. Yes fine, good and well husband, good and well if you were an actual sane member of society and discreetly closed yourself within your quarters (The bathroom!!! It’s the bathroom. That is where you should be!) for the day and went about your business. Also good and well if you did not send me to the corners of the earth to find your specifically desired medication and then promptly refuse it as it would “just mask the symptoms”… You said this, Husband,  as you lay coiled on the floor writhing and clenching orifices like a gay homing otter frolicking in the spring tide. Why would you request the f@$king Imodium and not f-ing take it Husband!? Your response was not audible over the bowl movement you so proudly shared with us, before you gave an Olympic-worthy floor routine in your desperate attempt to reach the bathroom, hereafter you swung the door wide open and continued to socially diarrhea with your wife and two young children holding each other in the far end of the house.