Though I know, this decision would not make my father very happy. He is all about being "Atma Dipo, Atma Sharana, Ananya Sharana" which in a nutshell means, "guide yourself with your inner light and you would be rightly directed". As you would notice, this philosophy is bereft of any kind of religious overtones. So guided by this philosophy, we (me and my sister) grew up very spiritual but at the same time very unschooled when it comes to "Puja upachars".

Only "Upachar" we (me and Didi) perfected over the years is offering secret Namaskars to every Thakur Bari we pass by, with silent patronage from Ma.

So what is different now? I believe, the "Sthan". Over the last few months, while introspecting, I realized we (me and A) are not making any conscious efforts to retain our Bangaliana while going about our daily lives.

Our home décor does not make any particular impression about our origin. If you go to any of our neighbour's home, I presume it may be decorated with the same kind of modern lights, same pretentious decorative items, same indoor plants in the corner, same furniture, same kind of curtains etc. We do not have a Bangali calendar with the photo of a Lakkhi Thakur sitting on a gigantic owl and gold coins springing out of her right palm, hung in any of our walls as it does not go with the décor.We do not have any of our grand parents' Chandan smeared photos right on top of our main door. Again the same logic, it does not go with the décor. So we are staying in a house, about the décor of which we are very proud but which is uncharacteristic of the origin we belong to.

On the same note, the movies we see are not predominantly Bangali nor the books we read which are again world literature not predominantly Bangali. Also the radio channel I listen to everyday (Sunrise radio) while driving to office does not have remotest Bong connection. The songs it plays are very recently released Hindi film songs with intermittent message from the sponsors like, Shan Company promoting ovenable-Punjabi samosa, Malik Law Chamber soliciting advice to illegal immigrants, Dimple glazing providing UK's number one glazing services and most recently Anand Paan Bhandar which usually sells paan but on the Subh Afsar of Diwali has begun their new endeavour of selling firecrackers.

Now, I would not have noticed all these insignificant things if the "Sthan" we are living would be any place in Bengal, or Bharat as a matter of fact.

Because, then no matter how modern and non-Bangali our home décor be, every now and then, we would certainly visit one of our innumerable Kakas or Mashis or Mamas and come across sepia coloured photos of our forefathers or would stop by the neighborhood sweet shop which would invariably hang on its wall at least one Bangali calendar with the photo of "Narugopal" holding "Narus" and various other mouth- watering "Mishtanno" strewn about, (very apt advertising of the proprietor's items, I should admit).
Or if we be based in Calcutta and even if you grow up sans any "Pujo Upachars" like me, still Birendra Krishna Bhadra would be a name very close to your heart.

My point here is that, being Bangali would be next to your nature while you are in Bharat, but unless the efforts are made consciously, the same situation does not hold true here.

So in my humble attempt to retain some Bangaliana, I go for an all-day fast (not Nirjala though) and then Anjali on Kali pujo this year. I only hope that my father could, by some happy miracle, figure out (as he does not know about this blog) the rationale behind my sudden religiousness and does not despair thinking all his teachings are in vain.

I even took all the trouble to wear a "Tassar sari" (over synthetic leggings as it was freezing cold outside)and A drove us to the nearest Kali pujo which was 25 mile away from home. But it was worth all the bother when we see our Bangali friends and Bangalis in general milling around, the typical "Khoshkhosh" of "natun sari", kids playing around, fabulous "bhog" distributed by "Sechcha Sevaks", even a stall in the corner selling "Puja Barshiki" and Bangla cds and dvds.

The best part was the bhog. It had "Bhat","Dal", "Panchmishali Tarkari", "Pantha aka Lamb er jhol", "lyangcha".

I felt very content on my way home. No silly, it not the Bhog I felt content about. Though it was partly the reason of being content. I was content that I felt very much rooted to my origin in this Parobaas even though for a lone evening.

PS:
Two mildly funny incidents that happened on Kali pujo :

The gentleman who was performing the Puja adopted a very funny, ostentatious accent while saying the Mantras. As for the mantra "Kali, Kali, Maha Kali……" he was saying "Khali, Kwali, Maha Kwali….." I heard some of the ladies (who do not look like they are born and brought up in UK)also repeating after him "Khali, Kwali, Maha Kwali…..".

On the day of Kali Pujo, I came back from Office and lounged on the sofa for a while before getting up to get dressed for the Pujo and I caught a quick nap and dreamt that I am having a plate full of heavenly smelling Chicken Biriyani and Mutton ChNap. Not at all fit for fasting. Am I?