Ever since i was a kid i’ve always had to believe that what ever my parents told me was the truth, if they said i shouldn’t do something i would listen to what they said and the reasons they gave and then i would consider my actions, to be honest i was a naughty rebellious kid and i had a total disregard for rules, this drove my parents mad! However, i still felt that every thing i did was wrong because my parents had a different view on things compared to me, if i got my pocket money and wanted to buy something i would always get the third degree about how much it cost and then it would be followed by a lecture about saving my money for a rainy day. Those lectures still happen to this day and i’m 45 years old! My parents aren’t risk takers and they over think things instead of just doing things, i suppose you could call it being cautious but by the time they think about doing something they don’t end up doing it because they can’t be bothered! Throughout my life i feel like i’ve never had any control, everything i do or have done has always been criticised in one way or another by my parents and i never know whether i’m doing right or wrong, even now i still worry about making decisions just in case i make a mistake because i know i never do anything right. I’ve always tried to keep other people happy but in the past couple of years i’ve decided to stuff what they think and i do what i want, i take risks, i’m spontaneous and if it all goes wrong then i’ve learned a lesson, unfortunately if you think for yourself sometimes it upsets people but now i don’t care, in my opinion it’s important if you have an idea about something then go for it, try it and if it doesn’t work learn from it and move on, don’t worry what people think because that will only keep you stuck in a rut and you’ll never move forward, i’ve taken this approach with my kids and it’s the total opposite to what my parents drilled into me because if opportunities arise you have to have the mindset to grab it with both hands and see where it takes you, sitting back and over thinking things will get you nowhere!
Alternative view
Being 45 i see myself as being over half way through my life and as i battle each day with my illness i try and remind myself that over half of my journey is over now and i have to try and make the second half of my life better than the first. It’s a way of thinking that i’ve only just started to do and it makes sense to me to do something about it, i know i have my new years focus to continue with but i also think that having this alternative mindset might make me see things in a different light, i’ll see how it goes and how long it lasts.
A picture i took in the woods
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