2018-03-05 18:14
I am by no means alone in this world. I have people who love me more than I know how to love myself. But that doesn’t stop me from feeling incredibly lonely sometimes.
There are multip… Read More
Blog Directory > Health & Fitness Blogs > Falling Undone health-and-fitness Blog >
Falling Undone Blog
fallingundone.wordpress.com
This is a blog written by a twenty year old with bipolar disorder. Not a medical authority by any means, it is an honest and gritty portrayal of what it is like to live with mental illness.
2018-03-04 20:33
The worst part about not being on drugs is having to deal with all of my emotions.
It was so easy to just block all of my feelings out with drugs. As self destructive as it was, this method… Read More
2018-03-04 19:11
I successfully went to a party without drinking or using any drugs. I was offered a drink multiple times and every time I was strong enough to say “no thank you.”
I even came int… Read More
2018-03-01 20:47
Future tripping is that sense of impending doom and wild irrational thoughts you have when thinking about the future.
I’ve been doing a lot of future tripping lately. My mind has the t… Read More
2018-03-01 04:59
Whenever I try to talk to “normal” people about what I go through they give me this certain look that lets me know that I’m a little bit out of whack. It’s a look tha… Read More
2018-02-28 00:10
I’ve been catching myself scheming lately. My mind wanders and I am suddenly imagining all the ways I could use drugs. I think about what it would feel like to purchase some.. not even… Read More
2018-02-27 03:20
I am an addict through and through. My recent behavior should have proven this to me. But for some reason I’m having a very hard time accepting this simple fact. I am an addict. I have… Read More
2018-02-27 01:42
Loneliness is a funny thing. It makes you want to simultaneously reach out to others in desperation and isolate yourself. When I’m lonely I tend to fluctuate between the two extremes… Read More
2018-02-21 17:30
It’s very easy for me to get sucked into the trap of self pity. I can look at my life and quickly become dissatisfied for a variety of reasons; I don’t have the freedom I want, t… Read More
2018-02-20 22:28
I have been on a hiatus from this blog. A lot has happened since I last wrote.
My drug problem finally came to the forefront of my life and my family shipped me off to rehab. After 30 days o… Read More
2017-09-03 01:59
I am so much better. I am practically a new person. I am 1000% better than I was, and I’m hanging on to this new me by a thread.
The vast majority of the time – the times when I… Read More
2017-08-05 04:34
Loneliness feels like my stomach has become a vacuum.
It feels like boredom and sadness all mixed into one. Sometimes it feels like betrayal; sometimes it feels like I’ve been left beh… Read More
2017-08-02 22:45
My mother, 57 years into her life, has just been diagnosed as bipolar.
I suppose everyone should have put the pieces together a long time ago. I’m bipolar, and the genetic link had to… Read More
2017-07-29 03:09
There’s this cheesy thing that the therapy world tells people like me to do, and it involves explicitly writing out your future problems and what you will do about it.
For example, how… Read More
2017-07-26 04:01
This is the natural way of things, right?
This is especially true for people with bipolar disorder. The ebbing highs and lows of our moods exemplify this. I’ve come up a long way durin… Read More
2017-07-06 04:25
I thought I was better. It was a psych out.
I had one day where I felt like the Old Old Me – the healthy me from before shit hit the fan. It was a wonderful and disorienting feeling. T… Read More
2017-06-30 04:53
Bipolar disorder is incurable. We take medication to “fix” our symptoms, but there is no magic pill to take away the problem.
I have struggled for a while with the idea that I wi… Read More
2017-06-25 05:38
I am currently in a state of hypo-mania, as they call it. I thought it would be wise to document my current state of crazy so that I have tangible proof of how my mind works in these states… Read More
2017-06-22 04:22
I debated quite a bit about whether I should publish this. It makes me feel incredibly exposed. But I think it’s important for me to be able to talk about the things that I struggle wi… Read More
2017-06-21 20:13
For a long time I thought of myself as nothing more than a conglomeration of mental health symptoms.
I felt like bipolar disorder sucked up my soul and stole my true self right out from unde… Read More
2017-06-19 02:51
This is a cool way to discover new blogs.
Dream Big, Dream Often
It’s the Meet and Greet weekend everyone!! Strap on your party shoes and join the fun!
Ok so here… Read More
2017-06-19 01:53
I can feel myself slipping.
You know that feeling when you’re sliding into depression, the momentum is building, and there is no stopping it?
I can feel my mind going to places that it… Read More
2017-06-18 19:15
I am one of the lucky ones. I have an incredible Dad.
My Dad has been through a lot watching me fall apart this past year, but he continues to be my rock. He is the one person in my life who… Read More
2017-06-18 19:02
My blog has become a sort of desperate plea of, “Someone understand me!”
So here goes another word-vomit dump of another thing that tumbles around in my head and drives me crazy… Read More
2017-06-13 04:58
Thank you for standing by me
through all the shit that has accumulated at your feet
in a pile of what used to be me.
Thank you for being my rock
when I was just dust that threatened to blow… Read More
2017-06-13 04:49
Being honest with myself
like punching a hole in the mirror
and slicing my skin with the shard.
Being honest with myself
like punching a hole in my stomach
and calling it my home.
Being ho… Read More
2017-06-08 03:22
I feel a very particular way when I am suicidal.
There is a certain set of feelings that arise and combine to drive me to weird places. I can feel them coming and recognize them for what the… Read More
2017-06-07 00:33
Everyone has emotionally draining people in their lives.
I’m sure you know the type. Super clingy people who you kinda cringe at when their name pops up on your phone but you don&rsquo&hell…Read More
2017-06-06 00:25
I did it! I completed 30 days of residential treatment.
And just like that, I came out a different person. Sorta.
When I went in to treatment, I fully expected those 30 days to completely ch… Read More
2017-05-04 05:18
I’m sorry for texting you on your night out, full panic mode, needing attention.
I’m sorry you had to be the one to take me to the hospital.
I’m sorry you stayed in th… Read More
2017-05-04 05:03
I have a debilitating psychiatric disorder. A “serious illness” that dramatically impacts my life and the lives of those around me. But sometimes I have a hard time with this fac… Read More
2017-05-04 02:23
Tomorrow I will sign myself into a psychiatric facility for the next month or so.
Am I ok with this? Am I handling this well? No.
I’ve been having mild panic attacks throughout the day… Read More
2017-05-02 20:26
I have tons of amazing people who love and support me. I also recognize that there are millions of people going through similar things as me at the exact same time as me. I am in… Read More
2017-05-01 03:43
I am cheerful.
Whenever I am cheerful I get worried. Is this “normal happy”? Am I approaching mania? Is this the high before a big fall? Because of my disorder, I can never be co… Read More
2017-04-29 23:47
As I prepare to go to the Loony Bin in approximately 4 days, 15 hours, and 21 minutes (not that I’m counting), I’ve put together a list of the steps I am taking to prepare f… Read More
2017-04-28 04:20
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
I feel like Humpty Dumpty. I used to sit high on the wall, everything was OK, and all my pieces were in place.
Now all of my pieces have fallen apart and… Read More
2017-04-27 00:47
What happens when you tell someone you want to kill yourself again? You end up in the loony bin for another week.
I think it’s pretty insane that I’ve gotten this insane. Stay nu… Read More
2017-04-13 02:26
“The whole world is just made of people who didn’t kill themselves today. That’s who’s here.” -Louis C.K.
Who has seen Louis C.K.’s new special, 2017? It… Read More
2017-04-12 05:50
My family and friends want me to go to a facility. A facility where people stay for 8 weeks and spend the entire time sitting and thinking and talking about their feelings.
Regardless of how… Read More
2017-04-10 04:05
I heard a song called “This Woman’s Work” by Kate Bush and something about the lyrics nearly made me cry.
“I know you’ve got a little life in you yet
I know you… Read More
2017-04-03 19:32
I feel like I’ve reached a moment where I have no choice but to make a change. I am out of time.
Things have gotten far too out of hand for me to continue living this way. I suppose I… Read More
2017-04-01 00:12
A friend of mine died.
Death always comes with its own special brand of sadness. Many people are mourning this death – the death of a young person – and I am feeling the pain in… Read More
2017-03-29 19:28
“I don’t really need medication.”
“I don’t need to talk about this.”
“I can handle this on my own.”
“I’m totally normal. Everythin… Read More
2017-03-26 18:01
I can fly I can fly.
Do you ever wake up one morning and the sun is more beautiful than you remember it? And the way the sun hits that one tree outside your window gives you chills? You want… Read More
2017-03-18 21:34
Two nights ago, I had a panic attack at the pregame because I became so disoriented that I forgot how to be me. I hid in the bathroom, face-timing a friend for nearly an hour, and went to be… Read More
2017-03-14 13:51
I hope that everyone suffering through a mental illness has people they love and trust in their lives. People who fight the battle with them. I certainly do. Here is what I want to say to al… Read More
2017-03-13 22:16
I have never been a particularly forgetful or absentminded person. But BD has made me this way.
Many studies have been done that show that patients with bipolar disorder have significant cog… Read More
2017-03-12 23:17
I am really really, really bad at taking medication.
When I was younger it used to just be that I was bad at swallowing pills. I used to choke. Now I’m just bad at taking the medicatio… Read More
2017-03-12 18:39
Self-destructing is a thing that I have been doing as long as I can really remember being this way. It’s a comfortable thing for me.
It’s a familiar pattern, a safe space. Over t… Read More
2017-03-09 03:09
I try to romanticize my illness.
Being prone to powerful passions and being moody are sometimes seen as romantic traits. So I pretend that this is what I am – just moody – and tr… Read More
2017-03-05 02:56
I used to always think I was just a Highly-Sensitive-Crybaby™, but as I learn more about living with bipolar disorder I’ve learned that this is just part of it. My feelings don&r&hell…Read More
2017-03-01 21:34
I just went to the store to buy glitter and came back with sunscreen, probiotic pills, and balloons that make animal shapes. I didn’t even come back to my own house. I came back to a… Read More
2017-02-27 20:06
I didn’t die. But I sort of did.
The stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Right now I am grieving myself, the person I expected myself to be… Read More
2017-02-26 21:51
In group therapy on the psych ward, the therapist asked me why I ended up in the hospital. I went with my go-to response when I don’t feel like getting into gory details: “I felt… Read More
2017-02-25 14:12
Confession time.
It’s day three of being home from the hospital and already I skipped my meds for a night so that I could go out and drink. I could rationalize it and say I was trying… Read More
2017-02-24 23:57
Sometimes I would rather go down having fun than work to get healthy.
I’ve known I was a messed person since I became a self-harmer in the eighth grade. Back then I had no idea what wa… Read More
2017-02-24 07:14
I was raised by a mother with pretty severe depression. Not getting out of bed for 48 hours at a time kind of depression. Breaking plates and hair dryers kind of depression. Since I was litt… Read More
2017-02-24 05:28
Rollercoasters: My Brain
A woman I met described depression as the robbing of the ability to experience the happiness you have. You could have all the makings of a perfect, happy life, you… Read More
2017-02-24 04:54
Sometimes when having your mental illness isn’t enough, you also have to deal with the guilt that comes from knowing how much of a burden you are to the people you love.
As was explain… Read More
2017-02-24 02:28
This is a story about my second suicide attempt.
Going to the hospital because you tried to kill yourself is a funny thing. You go to the ER for something you did to yourself, surrounded by… Read More
Subscribe to Falling Undone
Get updates delivered right to your inbox!