Incidentally, having studied the local geography, I have moved the Spring of Immortal Life from a hillside above the Birchcliffe Centre to one below it.

Monday

Home from a tour of our best prospects in the coming general election – insiders think it most likely to be on a Thursday, incidentally – I allow myself a lie in before tackling the eggs and b. 

My closest companion for the past fortnight has been the new edition (which is considerably fatter than the last) of Wainwright’s West Country Marginals, but I have visited many other parts of the country. In Stockport I came across my old friend Hazel Grove; she does not look a day older than when she was in Parliament 14 years ago. 

From there I headed to Hebden Bridge for my yearly bathe in the Spring of Immortal Life that issues from the hillside below the former headquarters of the Association of Liberal Councillors. The Elves of Rockingham Forest and their elixir are all very well, but one likes to make doubly sure. 

After breakfast I pore over Wainwright, my own notes and the latest Timeform bulletin and come to the conclusion that we Liberal Democrats can look forward to an enjoyable evening whenever the election is called

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.