I am experiencing my Ultimate idea of freedom. This is a bold statement, but I am making it because I really thought that this would only be conceptually possible.
So my ideal freedom situation would be for me to be free ... to make choices, to be completely myself and not feel like I am hurting people in the process. To be able to do what I want to do with anyone and whenever I feel like it.
It might sound selfish but it requires willing, aware and conscious partners to achieve this. Not desperate, needy, will accept anything guys. Not co-dependent guys. But empowered, confident, non judgemental and open minded guys. Not just guys who are after sex or something superficial. It's pretty rare to find one to even experience anything with. But having 2, probably 3 in my life, all knowing about eachother and still willing to stay open and be present when we do spent time together to feel able to create emotional, psychological and sexual intimacy.
I've been wanting all my life to feel empowered enough to choose consciously and make those choices based on what my true self wants rather than be reactive to my environment and succumb to fear, to social pressure or other people's limitations. Most of the time, in most of my relationships, I felt there were outside factors driving me. I wasn't behind the wheel at all. I wasn't driving myself. I was sometimes reacting, doing things just for the sake of doing them. I was other times scared or just looking for attention, looking to be loved and accepted. Looking in all the wrong ways. How can someone else accept you before you even know who you are and have accepted yourself?
I've always wondered what kind of a person I would be and what would my actual choices be. When given everything, that's when you know what your real choices are. The rest is just a mask which hasn't been peeled enough.
I've always wondered how I would treat other people, how I would feel about myself and what impact all of this freedom would have on me. Now I can see that I wasn't given all of this freedom before because I would just have been too reactive and too immature to handle it. I would have literally been like a child in a candy shop and just eaten it all and became sick.
Now, that I am a more aware and conscious person, I can not only fully realise the amamzing opportunity that has been given to me but also realise how lucky I am to have been given it now. Exercise ultimate awareness and consciousness by truly experiencing myself rather than eating all the candy.
Because this is always about me. I can only be in charge of my own happiness and I can only control my experiences. I can make my choices and realise what my preferences are. I cannot do anything for other people. It's either up to them to do all this to the best of their abilities or just fail trying. Or just react and stumble.
I think this experience will allow me to truly go deep into myself and into other people to reach for whatever the boundaries are. Reach for the limits and explore them. Enjoy them and not run away from them. And also know that reaching the first hickup this is not really the actual limit.
It's pretty damn hard to have the courage to reach further and try harder. Not to give up easily and just push, kindly and attentively.
Of course that all my life I have not been able to turn this concept into reality. I didn't even know fully what I wanted. Now I know. Not 100% but that's never going to happen. It's about being equipped enough to take the journey. Because the journey is about finding out more and more.
There is something powerful in the universe that manifests itself when you reach a point of clarity of what you want and that aligns with what you are also ready for, with what you need at that point in your life and then, to top it all off, when you are able to not get attached to the outcome.
All of these aligning just make a beautiful universal soup to offer you just an amazing experience.
So what is this experience? Well it's interacting at complex, deep and meaningful levels of emotional and psychological connection. But in expectation free way. I am seeing 3 guys and each of them have been told the whole truth about eachother to the levels that each of them is interested in. I have told to all and imparted to 2 of them my BDSM interests.
There are no lies, no hidden details, no half truths. The lack of guilt and responsibility is just amazing. There is no pressure. More so, all of them are quite complex characters. I've challenged them to stay open towards me and Invest Emotional Energy. I am also doing that with them.
It's the ultimate liberation - giving yourself to someone truly without being attached to an outcome. Most people invest emotional energy because they expect they will get something at the end of it. That they will get a relationship, that they will get a wife or a husband or a father for their kids. All of these fucking expectations.
And of course that is not true love. Love that is conditional and love that is given with an outcome in return. That is neediness and fear and desperation. But that's not love. However, it works for most people so who am I to say?
I can only share my experience of establishing meaningful, growing and just fun connections with people in complete freedom.
We meet when we feel like it, we don't expect. We don't place our happiness on someone else and expect that someone else to do anything.
When these encounters happen I can say I am truly happy. Truly present and truly giving myself to someone as much as I can. It's so much fun! So much laughter. So much light hearted banter. And the open communication and the ability to talk about anything and everything because they already know everything that I would hide before.
So what is left once you strip everything that is fake off? I don't know. The ultimate truth? The ultimate love? The ultimate laughter and smiles. They are all one and the same. When you are in that space, all of these manifest simultaneously.
I have no idea what will come. Where will things evolve and develop? But I am enjoying the journey and not in slightest bit curious about the destination.
So my ideal freedom situation would be for me to be free ... to make choices, to be completely myself and not feel like I am hurting people in the process. To be able to do what I want to do with anyone and whenever I feel like it.
It might sound selfish but it requires willing, aware and conscious partners to achieve this. Not desperate, needy, will accept anything guys. Not co-dependent guys. But empowered, confident, non judgemental and open minded guys. Not just guys who are after sex or something superficial. It's pretty rare to find one to even experience anything with. But having 2, probably 3 in my life, all knowing about eachother and still willing to stay open and be present when we do spent time together to feel able to create emotional, psychological and sexual intimacy.
I've been wanting all my life to feel empowered enough to choose consciously and make those choices based on what my true self wants rather than be reactive to my environment and succumb to fear, to social pressure or other people's limitations. Most of the time, in most of my relationships, I felt there were outside factors driving me. I wasn't behind the wheel at all. I wasn't driving myself. I was sometimes reacting, doing things just for the sake of doing them. I was other times scared or just looking for attention, looking to be loved and accepted. Looking in all the wrong ways. How can someone else accept you before you even know who you are and have accepted yourself?
I've always wondered what kind of a person I would be and what would my actual choices be. When given everything, that's when you know what your real choices are. The rest is just a mask which hasn't been peeled enough.
I've always wondered how I would treat other people, how I would feel about myself and what impact all of this freedom would have on me. Now I can see that I wasn't given all of this freedom before because I would just have been too reactive and too immature to handle it. I would have literally been like a child in a candy shop and just eaten it all and became sick.
Now, that I am a more aware and conscious person, I can not only fully realise the amamzing opportunity that has been given to me but also realise how lucky I am to have been given it now. Exercise ultimate awareness and consciousness by truly experiencing myself rather than eating all the candy.
Because this is always about me. I can only be in charge of my own happiness and I can only control my experiences. I can make my choices and realise what my preferences are. I cannot do anything for other people. It's either up to them to do all this to the best of their abilities or just fail trying. Or just react and stumble.
I think this experience will allow me to truly go deep into myself and into other people to reach for whatever the boundaries are. Reach for the limits and explore them. Enjoy them and not run away from them. And also know that reaching the first hickup this is not really the actual limit.
It's pretty damn hard to have the courage to reach further and try harder. Not to give up easily and just push, kindly and attentively.
Of course that all my life I have not been able to turn this concept into reality. I didn't even know fully what I wanted. Now I know. Not 100% but that's never going to happen. It's about being equipped enough to take the journey. Because the journey is about finding out more and more.
There is something powerful in the universe that manifests itself when you reach a point of clarity of what you want and that aligns with what you are also ready for, with what you need at that point in your life and then, to top it all off, when you are able to not get attached to the outcome.
All of these aligning just make a beautiful universal soup to offer you just an amazing experience.
So what is this experience? Well it's interacting at complex, deep and meaningful levels of emotional and psychological connection. But in expectation free way. I am seeing 3 guys and each of them have been told the whole truth about eachother to the levels that each of them is interested in. I have told to all and imparted to 2 of them my BDSM interests.
There are no lies, no hidden details, no half truths. The lack of guilt and responsibility is just amazing. There is no pressure. More so, all of them are quite complex characters. I've challenged them to stay open towards me and Invest Emotional Energy. I am also doing that with them.
It's the ultimate liberation - giving yourself to someone truly without being attached to an outcome. Most people invest emotional energy because they expect they will get something at the end of it. That they will get a relationship, that they will get a wife or a husband or a father for their kids. All of these fucking expectations.
And of course that is not true love. Love that is conditional and love that is given with an outcome in return. That is neediness and fear and desperation. But that's not love. However, it works for most people so who am I to say?
I can only share my experience of establishing meaningful, growing and just fun connections with people in complete freedom.
We meet when we feel like it, we don't expect. We don't place our happiness on someone else and expect that someone else to do anything.
When these encounters happen I can say I am truly happy. Truly present and truly giving myself to someone as much as I can. It's so much fun! So much laughter. So much light hearted banter. And the open communication and the ability to talk about anything and everything because they already know everything that I would hide before.
So what is left once you strip everything that is fake off? I don't know. The ultimate truth? The ultimate love? The ultimate laughter and smiles. They are all one and the same. When you are in that space, all of these manifest simultaneously.
I have no idea what will come. Where will things evolve and develop? But I am enjoying the journey and not in slightest bit curious about the destination.
