2019-12-30 06:40
On Sunday he comes to your door with a dead bat and marigolds in an old violin case. You groan inwardly (hasn’t he found a place to haunt yet?), but you can’t just leave him o… Read More
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Splarks Blog
splarks.com
Splarks Blog - Short fiction involving marsupials, mad scientists, pez dispensers, good critters gone bad, irreverent behavior, unfortunate names, and existential crises. Funny, bizarre stories and WTF humor.
2019-12-30 06:08
On a windy autumn night of my childhood, I dreamed that a tall young man opened a door in a tree for me. A dim blue light enveloped the stairs that led down the tree trunk. Uncertain but u… Read More
2019-12-30 05:36
The jungle leaves its noise under layers of grimy stones and dead vines. Thick air muffles the insect wings, bird calls, and my footsteps. The parrots watch as I pick through t… Read More
2019-12-30 04:39
The dream highway ran the narrow strip between the surf and the forest, and we drove alongside a ditch with its invasion of elephantine, doe-eyed marine creatures. I forget the species&rsqu&helli…Read More
2019-12-30 04:25
When you’re shipwrecked and cannot die, the page of your book never turns. You live one endless day of saltwater, wind, and the veiny red behind closed eyelids. The water will not bu… Read More
2019-12-29 02:31
One flower in my hand for a genie, and another in my hair for an angel. I’ve woken up in the wrong world again, this time in the place where the residents float, shine and beam… Read More
2019-12-29 01:56
The professor stood at the water’s edge and gave his lecture to the seals. They watched suspiciously, squirming to better assess the haggard old man who st… Read More
2019-12-29 01:51
When it rains in my city, tiny lifeforms sprout on car hoods, brick mortar, and wet dogs’ fur.
Each raindrop shudders as crystalline structures burst out, the air permeated by the w… Read More
2019-07-09 05:04
Ever wonder why spirits are so known for their whispers underneath the sounds of daily life?
Listen. Beneath the washing machine’s hum, far-off chanting fades li… Read More
2019-04-11 05:30
So I was driving and noticed some signs by the side of the road. One said “THE EASTER BUNNY” and the next said “DON’T RISE FROM THE DEAD.” Fascinated, I slo… Read More
2019-04-03 02:52
Once upon a time, there was a wombat named Emilio. Emilio was a very special wombat because his nose contained a Pez dispenser.
He realized that normal wombats did not have candy factories… Read More
2019-03-29 01:29
Once upon a time, there was a marmot named Beatrice. Beatrice was a very special marmot because she had three eyes. You might think this was a useful trait, but it merely triplicated her v… Read More
2019-02-28 03:09
Ever notice how so many Splarks stories feature downtrodden scapegoats who eventually transcend their handicaps? Inspiring with its can-do attitude, Splarks brings you tales of optimism and… Read More
2019-02-13 00:45
Bloggers and journalists insist that people love to read lists. Will Splarks ever succumb to the unending List-o-philia that refuses to die?
Well … you’ll notice that in m… Read More
2019-01-24 17:08
Recently I went through the Writer’s Market, the famous directory of magazines and newspapers accepting freelance submissions. It was…educational. In case Splarks.com ever… Read More
2019-01-02 06:13
The microbial children squealed as the otter submarine torpedoed through the river. Older members of the bacterial colony were perhaps more sedate, but no less enthused with the practiced… Read More
2019-01-02 04:45
Listen to us and cease weeping. We granted you one small indulgence because you wanted to know love. Initially, we refused your request, but your persistence moved us. We froze e… Read More
2019-01-02 04:36
After a too-long night of pulsing bass and flashing strobes, I weave with Dan and Jason through grimy streets until we reach the river, which is made clean by shadows and moonlight. The wi… Read More
2019-01-02 04:03
At the corner of 17th Avenue and Broadway, a young man built an oasis into his condominium. The tall corner window stretches floor to ceiling and a red snapping turtle swims lazily, turni… Read More
2019-01-01 06:56
[This is a sad story, and I wish it wasn’t true.]
In Iowa, the fairies came out in spring, building temporary homes in melted snow pooled between half-buried tree roots, bordered by… Read More
2019-01-01 06:42
Mountain leaves and palindromes; the girl could not create one from the other. “I give up,” she said, bowing her head to the old man. “All my answers are wrong. I don&rsqu&helli…Read More
2019-01-01 06:17
I stumbled out of the sleeping porch, rubbing my eyes. Granny spoke before I could even say good morning. “It’s them damned coyotes,” she said crankily. “Drinking… Read More
2019-01-01 06:08
Thirty miles outside of Crescent City, we ran out of gas. The van had been sputtering for the past 400 miles, and I recognized imminent engine failure. We stepped out, stretched, and wand… Read More
2019-01-01 05:37
The old man kept a jeweled caterpillar in his shirt pocket and only took it out for frail girls with haunted eyes and thrift-store sweaters. My mother saw it when she waitressed at the litt… Read More
2019-01-01 05:28
At midday, Becky races through the tree-lined streets, pack swinging and bubblegum snapping. She’s vowed to arrive on time to chem class. Her skirt swishes at her knees and she… Read More
2018-10-30 08:00
I spent 1917 in a series of anonymous seaside cottages, bunking with proper socialites so that I might press their gowns and wash their teacups. The daughters of London lords taug… Read More
2018-01-02 05:52
She lounges, nude, in the long window seat, long legs draped over velvet cushions threaded with silver. The stars and gas giants, ripped from galactic tranquility, rumble and flare as her… Read More
2017-07-05 02:47
Who I Am
Once upon a time, a construction-paper book titled Deaths of Horrible Opera Singers caused a stir in a small Midwestern elementary school. Encouraged, the weird kid who created it w… Read More
2017-04-17 03:45
Blog coming soon!… Read More
2017-04-13 02:42
When I was fourteen, I asked my mom about hippies.
“Mom, were you a hippie in the sixties?”
She didn’t look up from her needlepoint. “What? Of course not.”
&l&hellip…Read More
2017-04-13 02:37
Throwback from 2012:
Microw, a flash fiction supplement to Full of Crow Press and Distribution, published one of my stories. Following the summer theme of “Home,” the stor… Read More
2017-04-13 02:34
It is a terrible thing to be in the thrall of one of the Fearless Ones. Their smiles edge you toward your own animosities and make your nightmares sweet as the scent of their skin. Yo… Read More
2017-04-13 02:23
The sun sank low on the dirty gray horizon, and Ulrich the Goblin watched the tiny glows of the fairies rising into the sky as they hurried to their assignments. He imagined the fadi… Read More
2017-04-13 02:00
I have always loved Komodo dragons … from afar. Parthenogensis in Komodo dragons is a real phenomenon.
Poor Mabel. It was just unfair that she was so decidedly ugly and unpopu… Read More
2016-05-12 11:40
Splarks is a short story project. Irreverent. Absurd. Amusing. Intelligent. Plucky. Optimistic. Underdog power. Underwombat power. Sometimes even undermonotreme power.
As spo… Read More
2016-05-11 10:10
Otherworldly Music is a flash fiction project inspired by music that blurs the line between the mundane and the magical. I’ve always called it otherworldly music: the kind of music tha… Read More
2016-05-10 14:22
What I Can Do For You, and Why I Want To
I help frustrated creatives and disheartened geniuses put words to their great work in the world.
Creatives and geniuses have to decide dai… Read More
2011-09-16 19:53
Eunice the pigeon did not live a glamorous life, but unlike most of her peers, she was determined to rise above her dreary roost in the parking garage’s concrete rafters. She didn&rsqu&hell…Read More
2011-04-14 07:00
It’s amazing how many bad ‘80s pop songs are really about extraterrestrials. The latest on Splarks: Van Halen's "Love Walks In." Crazy Splarks theory now backed up by the singer… Read More
2010-08-04 12:00
When Raymond committed suicide, he discovered that his vision of the afterlife was utterly incorrect. He had assumed that his parents, teachers and all those assholes at his high school wou… Read More
2010-07-27 17:59
“Marion? Oh, I do apologize, I was trying to reach … I'm sorry, what? A dating service, you say, for wild and frisky savanna mammals? Hmm … not that I'd be interested in… Read More
2010-06-11 13:20
Recently I went through The Writer’s Market, the famous directory of magazines and newspapers accepting freelance submissions. It was most educational. In the event of Splarks.com ever… Read More
2010-05-14 10:00
ometimes I just have to amuse myself by writing a dreadful story. The urge arises spontaneously, clawing to be released to torment others. This is why an early story of mine called "Lars th… Read More
2006-06-07 11:16
Many Splarks stories exhibit extreme optimism, uplifting stories about plucky, weird animals overcoming the odds and achieving their dreams. Well, here’s one for you pessimists o… Read More
2006-06-07 11:16
Some people asked me for the lyrics for my “Marsupials for Your Birthday” song that’s available from Gestalt Digital’s “Birthday Theme Songs” site on Vibe… Read More
2006-06-07 11:16
I sang a song, Mike Smith of Fiction 8 played some music, and it got recorded and put on Gestalt Digital’s themed compilation, Happy Birthday. It sounds vaguely like a Go-Go… Read More
2006-06-07 11:16
Rockstar Betty was a weasel--a hardcore weasel-- and she was not about to take any shit from any punk-ass bitches who got between her and stardom. It was tough out there in a man's world; a… Read More
