After writing the last post (eleutheromania) I realized that just as , if not more, important than talking about the signs of an unhealthy relationships, is what exactly a Healthy Relationship is. And that's an especially hard thing to do considering the people who influence us the most starting from the moment we are born, our parents, are most likely not in healthy relationships themselves (if you're parents are still together and have a healthy, loving relationship, you are luckier than words can even begin to describe.) My parents along with everyone else in my family, are divorced and infidelity occurred throughout their relationship, and my family is def not a rarity. I would say over 90% of my friends and people I know have divorced parents or parents that are miserable because of their spouse. With that being said, it makes total sense why a healthy relationship is such an enigma. I, personally, didn't even know what a healthy relationship looked like until I met the person that I am with now. Along with me, most of my friends have been in unhealthy relationships or "situationships". It's a learning process breaking old habits and the endless cycle of being stuck in toxic relationships, whether they were learned from our parents or from previous relationships, but it's a must. It doesn't matter if you're 14 or 18, have never been in a relationship and you're reading this as a precautionary or are currently dating someone and it feels toxic, if you're straight, bi, lesbian, pansexual, or don't identify as any label, with someone nonexclusively or polyamorously, learning what "healthy relationships" are and knowing you aren't alone in this journey is so important.
(below, just like the last post, is my personal experience. I'm sharing some things that I have learned from the relationship I am in now that I feel is relatable and could help someone.)
1. It is an equal partnership
my boyfriend and I both contribute something to the relationship. We both go out of our way for each other. Whether it's bringing small gifts for one another, or just asking how each other's day went, it is an equal give and take. Someone should not constantly feel tired because they feel like they are carrying the whole relationship by themselves.
2. Admitting faults and that no relationship is perfect
No one and no relationship is flawless. No one communicates and reacts to certain situations perfectly. But as long as you can own up to your shit and take responsibility if you messed up, the relationship can go beyond the flaws.
3. Communicate
If something upsets you or kinda annoys you, you should be able to speak freely without worrying the person leaving you. If I did something that unintentionally hurts my boyfriend, he knows he can talk to me about it so we can move forward, and I know the same if he did something.
4. Be understanding
I'll say sorry for stuff that I had no part in and won't even realize I said it, almost like a reflex from past experiences, and my boyfriend will remind me it's not my fault and that I shouldn't be apologizing. He'll never get annoyed with me or irritated by it.
5. Have a life outside of that person
Both people should have goals, friends, dreams, and hobbies outside of their significant other. Relationships should not be your whole life, but they should be a very important part which contributes positivity to all the other aspects of your life.
6. Trust
With previous relationships, I never 100% trusted the person I was with. But with my boyfriend now, I have never questioned or doubted anything he has said or done. Trusting someone wholeheartedly reassures the other person they can also trust you completely.
7. Be each other's biggest supporters
Whether it's compliments or motivational speeches, you should be each other's rocks and cheerleaders. Telling each other how good they look or how much you love them is a healthy sign of affection.
