FAT! Its a word, just a small three letter word that causes so many problems.  I am fat and I’m not afraid to say it.  I used to be, I used to hate the word.  It used to have such a negative connotation.  It Represented everything I was insecure about within myself.  It represented the years of bullying, the years of hate and self loathing.

I have talked before about my size, my desire to lose weight (for my health) and how the words associated with size effect everyone differently.  I wanted to discuss this more following reading some comments on a Plus Size Facebook page.  One comment which I have heard and seen so many times before, a comment which has been made to me by family and by friends.  The “you’re not fat, you’re beautiful” comment.

This makes me so angry.  Why cant I be both?  Why do I have to pick?  Why does fat mean ugly?

Now I know that the comment is not normally made maliciously, it is made without the thought of how this comes across to those hearing it.  It is Meant as a compliment.  It is meant to make someone feel better about the way they look.  Unfortunately it has the opposite effect, it implies that I need to change.  I need to modify the words I use and I can not  use a simple descriptive, factual word without someone thinking I am being derogatory about myself.  Implying that in some way I am putting myself down, that I am not positive about the way I look.

It has taken a long time for me to understand that this word is not negative.  It is a factual and descriptive word.  I am average height, I have mousy blonde hair, I have blue eyes and I am fat.  I am not ashamed of this word.  I do not feel it puts me down or takes away from the wonderful, creative, passionate person I have become.  It does not define me.  It does not make me less of a women.  It does not control me.

So if you are reading this and you have felt frustrated by this statement, please know you are not alone.  I have wanted to scream and shout and tell those saying it that they are wrong and I am both, “I am FAT and I am BEAUTIFUL” but I have always stopped myself.  Well no more, from now on I will be voicing my feelings because I want the world to know that I am both and I don’t care what anyone else thinks.

Kerry xx